Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

These are not haiku
No, not even bad haiku
Ugly reflections
Haiku # 53294, February 8, 2016 2:58 pm ET
by DrD of Orlando
because they enjoyed
posting things, posting thoughts, but
pearls before swine huh

take my pearls elsewhere?
Haiku # 53293, February 8, 2016 12:21 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Why the fuck would one
post haiku on this website
unless bored to tears

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Haiku # 53292, February 8, 2016 11:58 am ET
by df
short bored posts from folks
who are bored posting a few
messages on here
Haiku # 53291, February 8, 2016 11:41 am ET
by vhs
I did not do that.
So your wife has a remote
for your computer?

Wow, you are a chump.
Next she'll make you stop going
to the titty bars.

Super Bowl Fifty.
From both states with legal pot.
Super BOWL, get it?
Haiku # 53290, February 7, 2016 5:36 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
well my machine just
shut itself off by remote
wow, what a surprise
Haiku # 53289, February 7, 2016 1:51 pm ET
by vhs
What did you think of
Star Wars Episode VII?
Was that gay, or what?!

Recycled old plots.
In four out of the seven
a space station blew.

I was like, "Again?!"
Kylo Ren, Kylo Stimpy.
Rae needs a nude scene.

Lucas fucked up bad.
He should have given Star Wars
to Tarantino.

It's the light saber
that says Bad Motherfucker.
Mace Jules in the house!

Supreme Leader Snoke,
I mean, what a fucking joke!
Elmo's scarier.

Okay, I'll stop there.
I think it's time for my nap.
Blanky and Elmo.
Haiku # 53288, February 7, 2016 1:51 pm ET
by df
you've figured out
over the years I am a Christian
so I have a kind

of different if flawed
world view, I mean do the logs

in the eyes of say
"df,"....we start with our
own minds, homes, spirits

egos, beer collections
south park reruns and bad
impressions of henry miller lists
Haiku # 53287, February 7, 2016 1:43 pm ET
by vhs
You, vhs, no.
You are not worth the killing.
I would fart on you.

Hold you down and fart.
Right into your open mouth.
And inflate your lungs.

Seriously though.
I only hate parasites.
Yes, I would kill them.

Not only just kill,
but torture, maim, burn, and, well,
you get the idea.

The world's grown too small
to tolerate those that take
from the rest of us.

All thieves should be killed.
Strung up and mutilated.
Fed to the lions.
Haiku # 53286, February 7, 2016 1:32 pm ET
by df for president
one time I was in
a poetry group and I
walked away and the

poetry group broke up
if it were just one person
posting, would this place

have nothing to say
nothing to declare, is there a
point to this evil?
Haiku # 53285, February 7, 2016 1:30 pm ET
by vhs
we are if we can't
choose good or evil as a
certain English man

said nothing but say
Clockwork Oranges just wind
up toys with no will
Haiku # 53284, February 7, 2016 1:26 pm ET
by vhs
and think about it
I don't smoke anything but
it used to be say

cigarettes, smoked a
lot during food service jobs
I work Relaix um

Cheateaux. You can say
The world is a lot more say
complex than a few

posts on a website
with some Internet haiku
people trying to

be like 8 Mile but
only in haiku form, how
far can one take this

over words?
Haiku # 53283, February 7, 2016 1:23 pm ET
by vhs
I am trying to
make a point here with these say
poems as my fam

innocently pokes through
birthday party pictures and
shows me pics of a

pig that was just fed
I am horrified about
say Donald Trump

a populist voice
taking advantage of the fear
and anger out there

who will speak harsh words
next, I mean what happens here
isn't the same as it

was 10 years ago
when irony had a point
and it was pissed off

people posting and
flaming each other and like
parallel lines never

the twain shall meet
words words words words CAN harm or
they can heal, if one

believes in magick
or one believes in Christ but
die and go to hell

tell me what is it
like, but a reflection of
the evil life one

lived in their real time
(CS Lewis, The Great Divorce)
Haiku # 53282, February 7, 2016 1:20 pm ET
by vhs
lets say you want to
take my life in real life could
you honestly wear

say the steel toed boots
crack my head open like say a
watermelon, could you

commit the act of
murder against a "subhuman"
like the KKK

Or Isis does the
whole dehumanizing excuse
are you any better

than "the white trash" and
are your words a true real life
threat I need to

pay attention to?
the price I pay for my art
who are you I think?
Haiku # 53281, February 7, 2016 1:14 pm ET
by vhs
sublimely upright
politicians never lie
they just stand for things

Haiku # 53280, February 7, 2016 7:47 am ET
by ash
"If I'm elected,
I promise to put an end
to all corruption."

Haiku # 53279, February 6, 2016 6:32 pm ET
by df
vhs smokes crack
he stole a baby car seat
to sell and buy meth

indeed trash trash trash
better be nice or I'll smash
your hand blown glass pipe

when white trash trash trash
it is rather amusing
like Jerry Springer

but when they cost you
about ten thousand dollars
by trashing your house

then you want them dead
and I do mean burned alive
barbecue with screams
Haiku # 53278, February 6, 2016 3:12 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
white trash are the one
group that people trash trash trash
like chavs in England

no comment...beware
we cast stones to the first yet
they cast back at us
Haiku # 53277, February 6, 2016 11:13 am ET
by vhs
Cops should be brutal.
But they should be so to whites.
White trash are bad news!
Haiku # 53276, February 6, 2016 4:34 am ET
by df
you know there was the
whole "cops are getting carried"
away thing but like all

mediums books sell
based on the big names or the
lurid details of

a horror horror
or the self help genre which
why fear and loathing

really sells your work
Haiku # 53275, February 5, 2016 1:22 pm ET
by vhs
well I would like
to see old hands on here post
and of course a few

"hellos" like this might
be a large Dadaist piece
of art happening
Haiku # 53274, February 5, 2016 1:19 pm ET
by vhs
hunter s. Thompson
comes to mind, of course save the
fear and loathing part
Haiku # 53273, February 5, 2016 11:13 am ET
by vhs
Hello!
Haiku # 53272, February 4, 2016 6:44 pm ET
by twoueppe of USA
Abnormal flatus.
Too frequent gas expulsions.
I blame Obama.
Haiku # 53271, February 4, 2016 11:59 am ET
by df
Rappers in their cribs.
They should wear Depends diapers.
Pants down to their knees.

"Kill the policemen,"
the lyrics thump from their cars
heard two blocks away.

"Gangsters" aren't so bad
as white trash meth addict thieves.
I could kill them all.

I mean flame throwers!
All the men, women, and kids.
They are not human.

And I pay taxes!
I wish cops would do their job.
Scum are invading!
Haiku # 53270, February 4, 2016 11:51 am ET
by Take back 'Merika!
raises eyebrows drop
me a trying to pay up
attention to this

listening to these
rappers yacking about their
crib and not follow
Haiku # 53269, February 4, 2016 10:58 am ET
by vhs
It ain't a movie.
Sure there's fiction on Jesus.
Movies are taboo.

I wish I knew why.
Wait, no, never mind -- I don't.
Huh huh huh.... More cock!

With my time machine
I would kidnap Jesus Christ
at the Last Supper.

I would bring him here
and drop him off at Time Square.
Now that is funny!
Haiku # 53268, February 4, 2016 7:36 am ET
by df
micheal Moorcock, ie
behold the man, just take a
look at the matter

tell me what you see
Haiku # 53267, February 4, 2016 12:22 am ET
by vhs of yes you know what i believe
Teleporter sex.
Captain Kirk fucked Jesus Christ.
They were energized.

Time travel sci-fi.
It never includes Jesus.
Which is so stupid!

If you could go back,
and I mean any era,
you would see Jesus.

Am I fucking right?
But of course; I always am.
I would film Jesus.

What an awesome porn!
The First Cumming of The Christ.
Oh yeah -- boundaries.
Haiku # 53266, February 3, 2016 3:58 pm ET
by Looking forward to burning in hell.
Boundaries are gay.
That is what Neil told me.
He wore a pink dress.

The Sixty-Niners
will next play the Fudge Packers.
Winner plays Squealers.

Football is so gay.
Overgrown "men" slapping ass.
Just who is "Neil"?

Never mind.
Haiku # 53265, February 3, 2016 3:43 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I mean the dick jokes
shocking but what we got now
the fourth turning the

thing neil howe warned us
all about, the crisis now
I guess old Neil will

have to post haiku
too or sort of haiku and
throw me some pennies
Haiku # 53264, February 3, 2016 11:07 am ET
by vhs
i know you're just you
know being who you are but
boundaries man see

boundaries, don't talk
about sex, religion or
sports teams, family.

shit what else is there
to talk about, you know i'd go
on about Jesus and

Captain Kirk.
Haiku # 53263, February 3, 2016 11:05 am ET
by vhs
Chocolate penises.
The best Valentines Day gift.
Got a box for mom.
Haiku # 53262, February 3, 2016 7:45 am ET
by df
I thought the end of
retail was wal mart but now
its amazon but

will there be a thing
nostalgia wise and there will
be zayres, sears, ames, and

service merchandize
or borders, circuit city
video rental stores?

nostalgia
Haiku # 53261, February 2, 2016 9:21 pm ET
by vhs
WE can ask if the
Gopher goes down the hole we
could suggest hentai

but Bill Murray might
have a problem with that plan
bill does hate gophers

(caddyshack)
Haiku # 53260, February 2, 2016 8:58 pm ET
by vhs
Some might call it love.
Realists will call it lust.
Hershey's will profit.
Haiku # 53259, February 1, 2016 2:18 pm ET
by df
In 13 more days
you'll get a new butt plug and
flavored body gel.
Haiku # 53258, February 1, 2016 2:13 pm ET
by df of romance is in the air. no, really!
You mean Obama.
Or perhaps it's Donald Trump.
Or Lady Gaga.

Evil in the world...
The 2nd Law of Thermo.
It keeps getting worse.

Sir Video Tape,
we will join the dinosaurs.
And I'll have a laugh.

I would leave behind
some interesting fossils
and porno statues.

The next sentient life
to evolve on this planet
will say "What the fuck?!"
Haiku # 53257, February 1, 2016 12:22 pm ET
by df of Palau
i want a system
working to provide an answer
to the evil

in the world right now


Haiku # 53256, February 1, 2016 12:10 pm ET
by vhs
I want things to be
funny again because it
is the big fuck you

to proud, evil and
this dark world I think I need
to write funny things
Haiku # 53255, February 1, 2016 11:45 am ET
by vhs
got the hernia
feeling and I am not sure
how to report on

this sort of thing in
a 'haiku' but I think it
is just the theme here
Haiku # 53254, February 1, 2016 11:09 am ET
by vhs
in the news horror
of terror this and that I
want to fight these beasts

yet I feel helpless
hearing about those out there in
countries , just helpless
Haiku # 53253, February 1, 2016 10:58 am ET
by vhs
The school janitor
saved his dandruff in a jar.
Swapped the Parmesan.
Haiku # 53252, February 1, 2016 8:47 am ET
by df
You've not tried balot.
Most disgusting food there is.
Abortions to go.



Not for the "Joe Blow".
Only eat them when your drunk.
And the moon is full.

It's a bonding snack.
Share one with a prostitute.
And get her pregnant.

This could be your kid.
Well, the abortion, I mean.
Happy Father's Day!
Haiku # 53251, January 31, 2016 4:29 pm ET
by df
I see it all now
the Icelandic festival
with sheeps balls and this

shark thing and you know
I've eaten haggis and it
isn't really that bad!
Haiku # 53250, January 31, 2016 2:11 pm ET
by vhs
and what about the
Icelandic dish shark buried
in the soil made to

rot and be eaten
but at least they make a cool
drink, a black death? hmm

Brennivin
Haiku # 53249, January 31, 2016 1:40 pm ET
by vhs
ah push my big red
button doesn't do anything
the big shiny

red candy button
ENTICING you to push IT!
sorry Ren it doesn't...

do anything
Haiku # 53248, January 31, 2016 1:27 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Flies swarm the dead fish.
It rots and dries in the sun.
They make sauce with it.

I have seen too much.
I have also smelled too much.
I pray for a shark.
Haiku # 53247, January 31, 2016 9:17 am ET
by df
Red Bull give you wings.
That's how they get wings on pads.
Don't tell anyone.
Haiku # 53246, January 31, 2016 7:19 am ET
by df
The old drunk farted.
Only his dog and wife heard.
And this saddened him.
Haiku # 53245, January 31, 2016 7:14 am ET
by df
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