Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 135 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

My fist is stinky.
What became of subtlety?
I'm a tool of Tool.
Haiku # 53743, April 25, 2016 9:26 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Haiku # 53742, April 25, 2016 7:13 pm ET
by ywttiuui of USA
i believed then i
decided to keep believing
must be Journey
Haiku # 53741, April 25, 2016 10:45 am ET
by vhs
Not sure what I am.
I am between both of them.
A man without time.
I'm over the hill.
But started falling backwards.
Back the way I came.
When I am 80
I'll be riding the big waves
and banging young girls.
But lots could stop that.
Shot by an angry husband.
Eaten by a shark.
Or something mundane.
Killed by a deadly snail.
Drowned while on mushrooms.
Haiku # 53740, April 25, 2016 1:47 am ET
by Darth Figpucker.
well if we start say
posting stuff about Dune which
i saw my copy

Goodwill, one buck, old
paperback, i am not sure
what you thought of the

David Lynch movie
but a co worker said "well
geeze it's like the "In-

vasion of the
whatever the fuck it is"
and i found humor

in that statement...so
are you Gen X or boomer?
or does that matter?
Haiku # 53739, April 24, 2016 11:35 pm ET
by vhs
But enough of that.
Let's talk about puppy skeet.
Launch them up and "BOOM!"

I think it's legal
and even respected in
places like China.

It's hard to find and
very expensive to play,
but highly worth it.

You can also use
rare endangered animals
if you're super rich!
Haiku # 53738, April 24, 2016 5:14 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I personally
think most sci-fi is low-rent
like the last star wars.

The star killer scenes
broke every law of physics
and made me cry foul.

Older sci-fi books
at least attempt predictions
and not break science.

Douglas, however,
I love his biting humor.
Forty-two, indeed!
Haiku # 53737, April 24, 2016 5:08 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
noticed that english
folks in academia
put down sci fi as

"low rent" where as those
who idolize culture
outside North Amer.

see the potential
for the sci fi thing, and they
dig it, class warfare?
Haiku # 53736, April 24, 2016 12:52 pm ET
by vhs
ah well "writers" are
rough on one another then
we are writers, like

saying "we are klingons"
but then again life goes
on, we post, we live
Haiku # 53735, April 23, 2016 2:23 pm ET
by vhs
Well, to be exact,
it's "We apologize for
the inconvenience".

WE

I sort of used that
in my novel in one spot.
An homage I guess.
Haiku # 53734, April 23, 2016 12:29 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
:D

just if you're going
to stick a fish in my ear
babel on darthy...

of course God's last message was "Sorry for the inconvenience" according to Douglas Adams...
Haiku # 53733, April 23, 2016 11:51 am ET
by vhs of pondering 42
May 25 is
Intergalactic Towel
Day, oh hoopy froods.

Some make the mistake
of calling it here on earth,
"International".

They just do not know.
Wave your towel late at night
to flag down space ships.

The Vogons won't come.
My poetry scares them off.
You are so welcome.
Haiku # 53732, April 23, 2016 7:57 am ET
by darth figpucker
intergalactic
they must be out there somewhere
waiting to eat us
Haiku # 53731, April 23, 2016 2:45 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola
reflections on the
wave, piece of ying in the yang, the
old cliche of we've

met the enemy
they are us
Haiku # 53730, April 22, 2016 11:10 pm ET
by vhs
sad controlling trolls
life leaves them pitied by us
who pity ourselves
Haiku # 53729, April 22, 2016 11:01 pm ET
by Mandingo Ebola
i see your english
is broken, mine always was
get it broken in
Haiku # 53727, April 22, 2016 11:06 am ET
by vhs
just you know you're in
deep shit when someone like me
says "I'll pray for you"
Haiku # 53726, April 22, 2016 11:04 am ET
by vhs
there's more than two means
to deal with anger, as a
Christian i can do

a prayer against
a Satanic force such as
afore mentioned "haiku"

or i could throw a
cup of coffee in the face
of that person but

the truth is all i
have to do is leave and the
person tends to go away...
Haiku # 53725, April 22, 2016 11:02 am ET
by vhs
to those strangers so
far removed, the heckler, the
troll... well fuck you too
Haiku # 53724, April 22, 2016 10:56 am ET
by vhs
does not comprehend
explosive disconnect far
removed from real life
Haiku # 53723, April 22, 2016 10:55 am ET
by vhs
Prince just died and i
know it's the usual crap
about dying but

it is a shock of
those who made a mark and it
seems to be fading

worn away by the vast
erosion of time itself
forgotten and then...
Haiku # 53721, April 21, 2016 1:52 pm ET
by vhs
hah you can tell it's
me anonymous when it's
about 1990s relics
Haiku # 53720, April 21, 2016 12:06 pm ET
by vhs
I'm seeing the last
mom and pop video stores
go away at last

humanoids of the
deep replaced by stupid cat
videos, where's the

time when mars needs you
know women...more about things
like gluten these days
Haiku # 53719, April 21, 2016 12:05 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
i've had some of those
hot peppers, durian fruit
i work in that scene

i should be writing
but i am haikuing with you
about lawrence welk

(I didn't realize how bad he was,
thank a you, thank a you)
Haiku # 53718, April 21, 2016 12:03 pm ET
by vhs
Donald Trump is bad.
But I would choose him over
Hillary Clinton.
Haiku # 53717, April 21, 2016 9:58 am ET
by darth figpucker
lawrence welk is dull.
one hundred percent lifeless.
like a blow up doll.

it makes perfect sense.
a ghost pepper enema.
that is what you need.
Haiku # 53716, April 21, 2016 3:10 am ET
by darth figpucker
that's extremely odd
i was thinking lawrence welk
and someone posted...
Haiku # 53715, April 20, 2016 12:24 pm ET
by vhs
Mad babbler is back
Maybe more like Mad Adam
There's a book for you
Haiku # 53714, April 20, 2016 1:27 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola
Lawrence Welk lives on...
enchanted land of re-runs
a one and a two...
Haiku # 53713, April 20, 2016 1:24 am ET
by Bubbles McStabby
He brews some good beer
Made a real good batch last year
Picasso's left ear
Haiku # 53712, April 18, 2016 10:31 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Oy vay, Already!
I'll have a Kosher bacon
cheeseburger please.

On unleavened bread.
Hold the pickles and mayo.
It's Hebrew enough.
Haiku # 53710, April 18, 2016 4:58 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Hebrews 4:11

very funny, but
i have no love of food worlds
cultures like most do

i could learn this but
as you can tell from the verse
up above, that's more on

my mind right now...

peace out
Haiku # 53709, April 18, 2016 11:07 am ET
by vhs
You know vhs,
I kind of like it when you
talk about cuisine.

Seems like there's passion
hidden beneath all the words.
A love of good food.
Haiku # 53708, April 17, 2016 11:07 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Hannibal Lecter's apprentice
say hi to Otteri
from Dirigoland, look up
"Dirigo" and waves
Haiku # 53707, April 17, 2016 12:28 pm ET
by vhs
hmm gateway of south
india. naan bread and
curry sauce yogurt...

yes i know it's food
and generally i find it
"zzzzzz" but i know too

what i like
Haiku # 53706, April 17, 2016 12:27 pm ET
by vhs
always a reason
too tired to do anything
life passes you by
Haiku # 53705, April 17, 2016 3:33 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
蝶のキス
彼女は下唇です
ただの夢
butterfly kiss
she's lips under
just dreams
Haiku # 53704, April 17, 2016 12:56 am ET
by Otteri selvakumar of Otteri, chennai
I like u
U love me
Broken heart
Haiku # 53703, April 17, 2016 12:52 am ET
by Otteri selvakumar of Otteri, chennai
Just kiss
Butterfly a flower
Open rape
Haiku # 53702, April 17, 2016 12:25 am ET
by Otteri selvakumar of Otteri, chennai
Greek yogurt clam dip.
Yes, that sound rather tasty.
With fresh pita bread.
Haiku # 53701, April 16, 2016 7:38 pm ET
by Darth Boring Figpucker
can we discuss clam
dip with the same milennial
generation or will

they try to just down
load clam dip as if it were
an app for a phone?
Haiku # 53700, April 16, 2016 12:50 pm ET
by vhs
we may share our lumps
as well in that location
but some things are closed
Haiku # 53699, April 16, 2016 12:48 pm ET
by vhs
It's nice we discuss
testicular buoyancy
with such openness.
Haiku # 53698, April 16, 2016 4:06 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Underwear under sky
The sun is sitting quite high
Soon they will be dry

Meanwhile I get high
My bits dangle by and bye
Such a lucky guy
Haiku # 53697, April 16, 2016 1:45 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Don't fuck
Just stop
Sounds
Haiku # 53696, April 15, 2016 8:12 pm ET
by Otteri selvakumar of Otteri, chennai
Under sky
My under were
Hanging window
Haiku # 53695, April 15, 2016 8:08 pm ET
by Otteri selvakumar of Otteri, chennai
The inverse square law
of mosquito density
near ocean beaches.

They don't like salt breeze.
Neither does my computer.
Both are annoying.

The ocean is home.
Home is where your surf board is.
Nothing else matters.
Haiku # 53694, April 15, 2016 2:51 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker.
Oh my fucking God!
What just came out of my ass?!
It's a hermit crab!!

I don't remember
putting one of those up there.
Don't sleep at the beach.
Haiku # 53693, April 15, 2016 12:16 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Every time I'm here,
there's a Red Bull enema
waiting just for me.
Haiku # 53692, April 15, 2016 12:06 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
the old stores are say
going out, "creative de-..."
what fills in the blank?

empty spaces, blank
minds, externalized handheld
brains thinking for man
Haiku # 53691, April 15, 2016 11:41 am ET
by vhs of i'm on a laptop and i'm bitching about cellphones
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