Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

Do not fool yourself
Space aliens don't need shit
That's why they ain't here
Haiku # 53817, May 11, 2016 10:30 pm ET
by Mandingo Ebola of Drunkistan
Verile roosters, mate.
It's not love, it's barnyard porn.
The eggs are quite good.

But if you make quiche,
I'll lop off your criminals
to feed the new chicks.

Legal cockfighting.
Losing lots of cash while drunk
in South East Asia.

You may scoff at it.
Better times cannot be had.
Well, unless you win.
Haiku # 53816, May 11, 2016 9:39 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Give up your body.
The space aliens need you.
Anal probes aren't bad.
Haiku # 53815, May 11, 2016 9:27 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
While in paradise,
life sucks the life out of me,
and not one thing else.
Haiku # 53814, May 11, 2016 9:17 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Life without sleep sucks.
It sucks like a Bangkok whore.
But it won't swallow.
Haiku # 53813, May 11, 2016 9:12 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Bleeding hedgehogs scream
The hot August sun beats down
The lawnmower wins
Haiku # 53812, May 11, 2016 5:42 pm ET
by Steve Olstad
Sterile Chickens Mate
Their love produce no offspring
How can I eat eggs?
Haiku # 53811, May 11, 2016 5:40 pm ET
by Steve Olstad of Colorado
Haiku is old tool
Landlord fool peasant with it
Not me, Chairman Mao!
Haiku # 53810, May 11, 2016 5:28 pm ET
by Steve OIstad of Colorado
is it a game of
poetry pong one pass to
another, blip to blip?
Haiku # 53809, May 11, 2016 10:17 am ET
by vhs
back in the day there
was a text game of that sci
fi comedy with

the depressed robot
to hold tea and no tea at
the same time was seen

as deep philosophy
i think that's all i have to
say about that.. but

Haiku # 53808, May 10, 2016 12:27 pm ET
by vhs
are we having fun
yet, well yes, well no percieved
believe it all true
Haiku # 53807, May 10, 2016 12:23 pm ET
by vhs
Surf frozen water
Drop from a helicopter
Snowy mountain top
Haiku # 53806, May 10, 2016 1:17 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
The surf board needs wax.
But will the shops be open?
Wax or no, surf's up.
Haiku # 53805, May 9, 2016 10:02 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
well it's a busy
day for restaurants but of
course george carlin

would say something like
that as well, and now i have
to fill out five more...
Haiku # 53804, May 9, 2016 9:10 am ET
by vhs
Happy Mother's Day
Another fake holiday
Made up for profit
Haiku # 53803, May 8, 2016 2:06 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
i am told by my
friend in NL they're closing
libraries. for say

budget reasons, i
think some people need to have
their careers put back

into fast food and
not politics because they
might actually work
Haiku # 53802, May 7, 2016 3:25 pm ET
by vhs
i do have an old
blue towel that says don't
panic sewed into it
Haiku # 53801, May 7, 2016 2:25 pm ET
by vhs
well i have seen some
pan galactic recipees
i think I'd try one
Haiku # 53800, May 7, 2016 10:59 am ET
by vhs
The girl was gorgeous.
She was way out of his league.
He tried anyway.
Haiku # 53799, May 7, 2016 6:59 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Will you celebrate
Intergalactic Towel Day
and in what manner?

I will have some drinks
and wave my towel at the sky
for spaceships to see.

If they are green ships,
well, that is okay with me;
they'd like my poems.
Haiku # 53798, May 6, 2016 7:44 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
hmm more spam well who
or what posts these spam hellos
and what can stop them
Haiku # 53797, May 6, 2016 1:47 pm ET
by vhs
grim resolute and
determined at the gates of
Mordor, Ragnarok
Haiku # 53794, May 6, 2016 12:13 pm ET
by vhs
maybe we should say
revive rowan and martin's
laugh in, fears your

Goldie Hawn fantasies
Haiku # 53793, May 5, 2016 9:21 pm ET
by vhs
Go lion hunting.
But use a paint ball rifle.
Shoot them in the balls.

Now that would be sport.
Four in five dentists agree.
Fluoride filled dart guns.

We're on a mission
to eradicate pesky
canine cavities.
Haiku # 53792, May 5, 2016 7:55 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
well i will write stuff
might be funnier when i
feel better, sometimes

you know good night sleep
hentai in the morning and
golf in the evening

Haiku # 53791, May 5, 2016 3:27 pm ET
by vhs
I don't like Star Wars.
I used to, but now I don't;
it is too PG.

It needs some sex scenes.
Ugly Sith using The Force
to screw hot young girls.

Blowing up planets,
that is just so yesterday.
It needs something else.

Cannibalism
or harvesting live bodies
for a sacrifice.

Not very Disney,
But Star Wars VII bored me
with passe evil.
Haiku # 53790, May 5, 2016 2:39 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
The change inside me
is worse than the change outside,
unlike Bruce Jenner.

I find myself bored,
wanting a harem and drugs.
But, alas, I can't.

I wish that I could.
Responsibility sucks.
Damn mid-life crisis.
Haiku # 53789, May 5, 2016 2:23 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Thermodynamics
and social interactions
increase entropy.

Change always happens.
No, it is not always good.
Most often it's not.

Is this news to you?
Do you expect something else?
What is it you want?

You're too old for this.
Fairy tales are not real.
Go outside and scream.


Haiku # 53788, May 5, 2016 2:11 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of I walked around a shopping mall uttering the word "fart" over and over again. "Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart...&q
sex toy called the "darth
invader" now how will jj
incorporate that in

the next star wars film
Haiku # 53787, May 5, 2016 12:55 pm ET
by vhs
i can't make this one
up though "how i stole johnny
depp's alien gf"

real title, real book
really i might order that
celebrity space girls
Haiku # 53786, May 5, 2016 12:49 pm ET
by vhs
but there's the alien
girl fetish, love her tendrils
on her head you know

jabba the hutts gal
he threw to the rancor but
imagine twi lek gf!

she's green, what's not to love?
Haiku # 53785, May 5, 2016 12:42 pm ET
by vhs
i am having a
hard time with change if you must
i hate change, it's just

life, i'm tired, where's it
going to go, hopefully it
gets better, seasons

change, flowers bloom and
well i am at a loss for words
but here's a few more
Haiku # 53784, May 5, 2016 12:33 pm ET
by vhs
i like the "whining"
existential calling card
kurt cobain is dead

the foo fighters live
there you go, now what to say
i'm glad they made it
Haiku # 53783, May 5, 2016 12:27 pm ET
by vhs
one example which i
am more observational
someone wanted to

be a rubber sex
drone, whatever that is and
here's a post on

that from yours truly
Haiku # 53782, May 5, 2016 12:26 pm ET
by vhs
i might end up with
a haiku about how awful
baby puke is now

its not whining its
kvetching, and you? what''s this
time you come from, the

sociopathic boom?
behind each "whine" is a thought
solution, idea

I can't please you dear
God i can't. i will write what
i will, damn the torpoedos
Haiku # 53781, May 5, 2016 12:24 pm ET
by vhs
Just write one haiku
about farts or baby puke.
This is your homework.

Or your therapy.
But you must do it right now.
You will feel better.
Haiku # 53780, May 5, 2016 10:16 am ET
by darth figpucker
Here is the punch line:
{drum roll} Old man on the net
thinks it's serious.

This is not funny.
But it is a running joke.
Now you must lighten the fuck up and write a haiku that is not a bunch of goddamn whining about how you're getting old and having a hard time with the newer generation online and blah blah blah...
Haiku # 53779, May 5, 2016 10:06 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
a whole generation
doesn't read like i did or
value real space either

I'm growing old and
miss enjoying what i did
when i was younger
Haiku # 53778, May 5, 2016 9:18 am ET
by vhs
the punch line is has
the internet made people
stupid yet we're here
Haiku # 53777, May 5, 2016 9:12 am ET
by vhs
Here we share our minds.
They aren't always what we'd like.
My man snatch itches.
Haiku # 53776, May 5, 2016 3:47 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Telling yourself jokes?
How can a person do that?
You know the punch line
Haiku # 53775, May 5, 2016 1:16 am ET
by Inquiring Mind
sometimes there's words that
can't be said except ha ha
taking haiku form
Haiku # 53774, May 4, 2016 11:33 am ET
by vhs
Harvard Poetry
Professor Reviews Haiku
Received on Tinder
Haiku # 53773, May 3, 2016 10:07 pm ET
by Partial Recall of USA
there are real people
on the other end of the screen
when they pass on

a real person passed
there's a disconnect at times
between here and real
Haiku # 53772, May 3, 2016 1:19 pm ET
by vhs
One thousand hookers.
Eighty-seven diseases.
Some unknown to man.
Bio-warfare bomb.
Walking around on two legs.
Chinese vacation.
If I get cancer,
that is just what I will do.
Revenge for dolphins.
Seriously though,
imagine an ebola
outbreak in China.
That's what this world needs.
Going out for a suntan.
Wish me rots of ruck.
Haiku # 53771, May 2, 2016 10:47 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
was anyone here to
answer you? safety dance might
be all right, dwarfs and

english 80s bands with
maypoles in videos and
"the free market!" and

of course nintendo
mario, voltron, and the
robot chicken skits
Haiku # 53770, May 2, 2016 10:10 am ET
by vhs
Did anyone dance?
I mean around the Maypole.
Or is that too gay?
Haiku # 53769, May 1, 2016 8:40 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Big tits and cold beer.
Monster trucks and tornadoes.
It's redneck heaven!
Haiku # 53768, May 1, 2016 8:38 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I had changed my plans.
Grilled chicken guts on a stick.
Only 5 pesos.

It's far safer than
McD's mystery "All Beef"
soy meal and filler.
Haiku # 53767, April 30, 2016 11:06 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I think i'll go eat.
McDonald's tastes like dog shit.
But all else is closed.
Haiku # 53766, April 30, 2016 10:43 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
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