Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 135 Days and 76968 Haiku later...

i have also learned
to value other lives that may or
may not value theirs

don't try to throw me
back down the path of some who
think it's that easy
Haiku # 53841, May 19, 2016 11:42 am ET
by vhs
i value my life
even if you don't, so don't make
me learn to hate you

it's not in my faith
it's what i am trying to kill
inside me through CHRIST

it''s why i haven't
taken my own life, i believe that
hell is eternal
Haiku # 53840, May 19, 2016 11:41 am ET
by vhs
i am not sure if
i should stop posting i mean
you seem to want the

place to yourself, but
if i moved on my life goes on
and you post more...stuff

what is this stuff? is
this the same as the guy who
holds court on the side

of a street saying
"homeless please help me"
hmm deeper meaning??
Haiku # 53839, May 19, 2016 11:39 am ET
by vhs
I'm sure you share the
same lovely comments with those
in real life you love

but it is perhaps
why you are here, they have moved
on to kinder realms
Haiku # 53838, May 19, 2016 11:38 am ET
by vhs
Despite the fact that
sea cucumbers have no brains,
they're smarter than you.
Haiku # 53837, May 19, 2016 9:07 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
It's funny how that
stupid people cannot see
how useless they are.

Suicide is quick.
It is painless if done right.
Google it and see.
Haiku # 53836, May 19, 2016 1:21 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
google, now there's a
group that we have to say wants
to own us like we

we're it's software, drones
a Satanic company
how do you do folks...
Haiku # 53835, May 18, 2016 12:48 pm ET
by vhs
I don't believe you.
If you reeeeeally love me;
you give me password
Haiku # 53834, May 18, 2016 1:47 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola of Rocky Mountain High
i have also been
told love something while you can
but a used towel?

it does say of course
dont panic but i would say
some things must pass on
Haiku # 53830, May 16, 2016 12:52 pm ET
by vhs of i'll miss that towel
overbearing people
do not realize even till
death the relief their

passing gives to the
overburdened upon, the
anchor cast aside
Haiku # 53829, May 16, 2016 12:31 pm ET
by vhs
On their wedding night
did Leia wear her two-piece
to get Han turned on?

I'm touching myself.
But better myself than you.
I would do Jabba.

Jabba reminds me
of what Vogons should look like
before prosthetics.

Is there a worm hole
from HItchhiker's to Star Wars
universes then?

Apparently the
worms have found their long lost hole.
They will soon be here.
Haiku # 53828, May 16, 2016 2:43 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
who shot first, greedo
or han solo? and why do
we worry on these

issues
Haiku # 53827, May 15, 2016 1:04 pm ET
by vhs
A basket of squid.
Breaded, crispy, and deep-fried.
Mon Calamari.
Haiku # 53826, May 15, 2016 5:35 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Wasting energy.
What humans were made to do.
Why else are you here?
Haiku # 53825, May 15, 2016 5:32 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
So much energy.
Wasting it on foolish things.
It is what we do.
Haiku # 53824, May 15, 2016 4:30 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Drink cup of coffee
Shove hot pocket down your pants
You'll get same result
Haiku # 53823, May 14, 2016 11:39 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Are your testes sad?
You need new Testicle Perk!
As seen on TV.

Make your balls happy.
Order now and receive a
FREE scrotum warmer.
Haiku # 53822, May 13, 2016 8:25 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
changes are strangest
innovation shakes things up
retro, innovation?

in the future we
will listen to albums on
vinyl record disks
Haiku # 53820, May 12, 2016 12:53 pm ET
by vhs
it goes away but
like anything it takes time
the mind gets cloudy
Haiku # 53819, May 12, 2016 11:02 am ET
by vhs
i don't quite feel it
too early in the morning
vertigo, fatigue
Haiku # 53818, May 12, 2016 10:29 am ET
by vhs
Do not fool yourself
Space aliens don't need shit
That's why they ain't here
Haiku # 53817, May 11, 2016 10:30 pm ET
by Mandingo Ebola of Drunkistan
Verile roosters, mate.
It's not love, it's barnyard porn.
The eggs are quite good.

But if you make quiche,
I'll lop off your criminals
to feed the new chicks.

Legal cockfighting.
Losing lots of cash while drunk
in South East Asia.

You may scoff at it.
Better times cannot be had.
Well, unless you win.
Haiku # 53816, May 11, 2016 9:39 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Give up your body.
The space aliens need you.
Anal probes aren't bad.
Haiku # 53815, May 11, 2016 9:27 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
While in paradise,
life sucks the life out of me,
and not one thing else.
Haiku # 53814, May 11, 2016 9:17 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Life without sleep sucks.
It sucks like a Bangkok whore.
But it won't swallow.
Haiku # 53813, May 11, 2016 9:12 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Bleeding hedgehogs scream
The hot August sun beats down
The lawnmower wins
Haiku # 53812, May 11, 2016 5:42 pm ET
by Steve Olstad
Sterile Chickens Mate
Their love produce no offspring
How can I eat eggs?
Haiku # 53811, May 11, 2016 5:40 pm ET
by Steve Olstad of Colorado
Haiku is old tool
Landlord fool peasant with it
Not me, Chairman Mao!
Haiku # 53810, May 11, 2016 5:28 pm ET
by Steve OIstad of Colorado
is it a game of
poetry pong one pass to
another, blip to blip?
Haiku # 53809, May 11, 2016 10:17 am ET
by vhs
back in the day there
was a text game of that sci
fi comedy with

the depressed robot
to hold tea and no tea at
the same time was seen

as deep philosophy
i think that's all i have to
say about that.. but

Haiku # 53808, May 10, 2016 12:27 pm ET
by vhs
are we having fun
yet, well yes, well no percieved
believe it all true
Haiku # 53807, May 10, 2016 12:23 pm ET
by vhs
Surf frozen water
Drop from a helicopter
Snowy mountain top
Haiku # 53806, May 10, 2016 1:17 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
The surf board needs wax.
But will the shops be open?
Wax or no, surf's up.
Haiku # 53805, May 9, 2016 10:02 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
well it's a busy
day for restaurants but of
course george carlin

would say something like
that as well, and now i have
to fill out five more...
Haiku # 53804, May 9, 2016 9:10 am ET
by vhs
Happy Mother's Day
Another fake holiday
Made up for profit
Haiku # 53803, May 8, 2016 2:06 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
i am told by my
friend in NL they're closing
libraries. for say

budget reasons, i
think some people need to have
their careers put back

into fast food and
not politics because they
might actually work
Haiku # 53802, May 7, 2016 3:25 pm ET
by vhs
i do have an old
blue towel that says don't
panic sewed into it
Haiku # 53801, May 7, 2016 2:25 pm ET
by vhs
well i have seen some
pan galactic recipees
i think I'd try one
Haiku # 53800, May 7, 2016 10:59 am ET
by vhs
The girl was gorgeous.
She was way out of his league.
He tried anyway.
Haiku # 53799, May 7, 2016 6:59 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Will you celebrate
Intergalactic Towel Day
and in what manner?

I will have some drinks
and wave my towel at the sky
for spaceships to see.

If they are green ships,
well, that is okay with me;
they'd like my poems.
Haiku # 53798, May 6, 2016 7:44 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
hmm more spam well who
or what posts these spam hellos
and what can stop them
Haiku # 53797, May 6, 2016 1:47 pm ET
by vhs
grim resolute and
determined at the gates of
Mordor, Ragnarok
Haiku # 53794, May 6, 2016 12:13 pm ET
by vhs
maybe we should say
revive rowan and martin's
laugh in, fears your

Goldie Hawn fantasies
Haiku # 53793, May 5, 2016 9:21 pm ET
by vhs
Go lion hunting.
But use a paint ball rifle.
Shoot them in the balls.

Now that would be sport.
Four in five dentists agree.
Fluoride filled dart guns.

We're on a mission
to eradicate pesky
canine cavities.
Haiku # 53792, May 5, 2016 7:55 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
well i will write stuff
might be funnier when i
feel better, sometimes

you know good night sleep
hentai in the morning and
golf in the evening

Haiku # 53791, May 5, 2016 3:27 pm ET
by vhs
I don't like Star Wars.
I used to, but now I don't;
it is too PG.

It needs some sex scenes.
Ugly Sith using The Force
to screw hot young girls.

Blowing up planets,
that is just so yesterday.
It needs something else.

Cannibalism
or harvesting live bodies
for a sacrifice.

Not very Disney,
But Star Wars VII bored me
with passe evil.
Haiku # 53790, May 5, 2016 2:39 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
The change inside me
is worse than the change outside,
unlike Bruce Jenner.

I find myself bored,
wanting a harem and drugs.
But, alas, I can't.

I wish that I could.
Responsibility sucks.
Damn mid-life crisis.
Haiku # 53789, May 5, 2016 2:23 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Thermodynamics
and social interactions
increase entropy.

Change always happens.
No, it is not always good.
Most often it's not.

Is this news to you?
Do you expect something else?
What is it you want?

You're too old for this.
Fairy tales are not real.
Go outside and scream.


Haiku # 53788, May 5, 2016 2:11 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of I walked around a shopping mall uttering the word "fart" over and over again. "Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart...&q
sex toy called the "darth
invader" now how will jj
incorporate that in

the next star wars film
Haiku # 53787, May 5, 2016 12:55 pm ET
by vhs
i can't make this one
up though "how i stole johnny
depp's alien gf"

real title, real book
really i might order that
celebrity space girls
Haiku # 53786, May 5, 2016 12:49 pm ET
by vhs
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