Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

Why are poets gay?
They think pens are penises.
And so hold them close.
Haiku # 53857, May 23, 2016 10:28 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Masturbating rules!
Spanking it beats sex with you.
He said to his wife.
Haiku # 53856, May 23, 2016 7:05 am ET
by df
I suck hamburgers.
Erotic cow grease dribbles.
With condom French fries.

Ice cream lubricant.
Peanut butter and KY.
Inappropriate.

Balcony pot shot.
Ten story sex food aiming.
Various targets.

Security guard!
Seven hundred points.
He should wear a hat.
Haiku # 53854, May 22, 2016 10:04 pm ET
by DF
His wife just left him.
She is having an affair.
With his fat sister.

He would have been glad,
but now his ex will get half
the inheritance.
Haiku # 53853, May 22, 2016 6:14 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Ants in the tropics.
They get in one's underwear,
biting tender parts.
Haiku # 53849, May 21, 2016 1:54 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
"You are so stupid."
"You are a worthless turd ball."
This ain't about you!

You just don't get it.
You should bungee jump sans rope.
No, I don't mean you.

The one behind you.
That's who I'm talking about.
No, the other one!

God! Fucking wake up.
Now pay attention shit bag.
This ain't about you!
Haiku # 53848, May 21, 2016 1:33 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Mandingleberry.
Ebola Cola toilet.
Bloody hemorrhage.

Refreshing virus
carbonated beverage
that just might kill you.

The death toll is past
Eleven thousand humans.
Will China be next?
Haiku # 53847, May 20, 2016 10:05 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Hating is pure work.
Battling an uphill force.
And work is stupid.

Here there is no hate.
Nor is there one ounce of love.
Only apathy.

But in a good way.
Prepare yourself to let go
all you fear to lose.

If you care too much,
then you are doomed to failure.
Time for me to poop.
Haiku # 53846, May 20, 2016 9:54 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
The soul becomes dyed
with the color of its thoughts
M. Aurelius
Haiku # 53845, May 20, 2016 1:26 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Hating is lazy.
Relating requires more effort,
and real intellect.

So Darth, it's up to you;
you want this place to yourself?
keep on keeping on.



Haiku # 53844, May 20, 2016 12:46 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola of Seriousstan
i like to keep it
going, sometimes it is fun
look in the mirror
Haiku # 53842, May 19, 2016 12:06 pm ET
by vhs
i have also learned
to value other lives that may or
may not value theirs

don't try to throw me
back down the path of some who
think it's that easy
Haiku # 53841, May 19, 2016 11:42 am ET
by vhs
i value my life
even if you don't, so don't make
me learn to hate you

it's not in my faith
it's what i am trying to kill
inside me through CHRIST

it''s why i haven't
taken my own life, i believe that
hell is eternal
Haiku # 53840, May 19, 2016 11:41 am ET
by vhs
i am not sure if
i should stop posting i mean
you seem to want the

place to yourself, but
if i moved on my life goes on
and you post more...stuff

what is this stuff? is
this the same as the guy who
holds court on the side

of a street saying
"homeless please help me"
hmm deeper meaning??
Haiku # 53839, May 19, 2016 11:39 am ET
by vhs
I'm sure you share the
same lovely comments with those
in real life you love

but it is perhaps
why you are here, they have moved
on to kinder realms
Haiku # 53838, May 19, 2016 11:38 am ET
by vhs
Despite the fact that
sea cucumbers have no brains,
they're smarter than you.
Haiku # 53837, May 19, 2016 9:07 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
It's funny how that
stupid people cannot see
how useless they are.

Suicide is quick.
It is painless if done right.
Google it and see.
Haiku # 53836, May 19, 2016 1:21 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
google, now there's a
group that we have to say wants
to own us like we

we're it's software, drones
a Satanic company
how do you do folks...
Haiku # 53835, May 18, 2016 12:48 pm ET
by vhs
I don't believe you.
If you reeeeeally love me;
you give me password
Haiku # 53834, May 18, 2016 1:47 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola of Rocky Mountain High
i have also been
told love something while you can
but a used towel?

it does say of course
dont panic but i would say
some things must pass on
Haiku # 53830, May 16, 2016 12:52 pm ET
by vhs of i'll miss that towel
overbearing people
do not realize even till
death the relief their

passing gives to the
overburdened upon, the
anchor cast aside
Haiku # 53829, May 16, 2016 12:31 pm ET
by vhs
On their wedding night
did Leia wear her two-piece
to get Han turned on?

I'm touching myself.
But better myself than you.
I would do Jabba.

Jabba reminds me
of what Vogons should look like
before prosthetics.

Is there a worm hole
from HItchhiker's to Star Wars
universes then?

Apparently the
worms have found their long lost hole.
They will soon be here.
Haiku # 53828, May 16, 2016 2:43 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
who shot first, greedo
or han solo? and why do
we worry on these

issues
Haiku # 53827, May 15, 2016 1:04 pm ET
by vhs
A basket of squid.
Breaded, crispy, and deep-fried.
Mon Calamari.
Haiku # 53826, May 15, 2016 5:35 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Wasting energy.
What humans were made to do.
Why else are you here?
Haiku # 53825, May 15, 2016 5:32 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
So much energy.
Wasting it on foolish things.
It is what we do.
Haiku # 53824, May 15, 2016 4:30 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Drink cup of coffee
Shove hot pocket down your pants
You'll get same result
Haiku # 53823, May 14, 2016 11:39 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Are your testes sad?
You need new Testicle Perk!
As seen on TV.

Make your balls happy.
Order now and receive a
FREE scrotum warmer.
Haiku # 53822, May 13, 2016 8:25 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
changes are strangest
innovation shakes things up
retro, innovation?

in the future we
will listen to albums on
vinyl record disks
Haiku # 53820, May 12, 2016 12:53 pm ET
by vhs
it goes away but
like anything it takes time
the mind gets cloudy
Haiku # 53819, May 12, 2016 11:02 am ET
by vhs
i don't quite feel it
too early in the morning
vertigo, fatigue
Haiku # 53818, May 12, 2016 10:29 am ET
by vhs
Do not fool yourself
Space aliens don't need shit
That's why they ain't here
Haiku # 53817, May 11, 2016 10:30 pm ET
by Mandingo Ebola of Drunkistan
Verile roosters, mate.
It's not love, it's barnyard porn.
The eggs are quite good.

But if you make quiche,
I'll lop off your criminals
to feed the new chicks.

Legal cockfighting.
Losing lots of cash while drunk
in South East Asia.

You may scoff at it.
Better times cannot be had.
Well, unless you win.
Haiku # 53816, May 11, 2016 9:39 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Give up your body.
The space aliens need you.
Anal probes aren't bad.
Haiku # 53815, May 11, 2016 9:27 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
While in paradise,
life sucks the life out of me,
and not one thing else.
Haiku # 53814, May 11, 2016 9:17 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Life without sleep sucks.
It sucks like a Bangkok whore.
But it won't swallow.
Haiku # 53813, May 11, 2016 9:12 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Bleeding hedgehogs scream
The hot August sun beats down
The lawnmower wins
Haiku # 53812, May 11, 2016 5:42 pm ET
by Steve Olstad
Sterile Chickens Mate
Their love produce no offspring
How can I eat eggs?
Haiku # 53811, May 11, 2016 5:40 pm ET
by Steve Olstad of Colorado
Haiku is old tool
Landlord fool peasant with it
Not me, Chairman Mao!
Haiku # 53810, May 11, 2016 5:28 pm ET
by Steve OIstad of Colorado
is it a game of
poetry pong one pass to
another, blip to blip?
Haiku # 53809, May 11, 2016 10:17 am ET
by vhs
back in the day there
was a text game of that sci
fi comedy with

the depressed robot
to hold tea and no tea at
the same time was seen

as deep philosophy
i think that's all i have to
say about that.. but

Haiku # 53808, May 10, 2016 12:27 pm ET
by vhs
are we having fun
yet, well yes, well no percieved
believe it all true
Haiku # 53807, May 10, 2016 12:23 pm ET
by vhs
Surf frozen water
Drop from a helicopter
Snowy mountain top
Haiku # 53806, May 10, 2016 1:17 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
The surf board needs wax.
But will the shops be open?
Wax or no, surf's up.
Haiku # 53805, May 9, 2016 10:02 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
well it's a busy
day for restaurants but of
course george carlin

would say something like
that as well, and now i have
to fill out five more...
Haiku # 53804, May 9, 2016 9:10 am ET
by vhs
Happy Mother's Day
Another fake holiday
Made up for profit
Haiku # 53803, May 8, 2016 2:06 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
i am told by my
friend in NL they're closing
libraries. for say

budget reasons, i
think some people need to have
their careers put back

into fast food and
not politics because they
might actually work
Haiku # 53802, May 7, 2016 3:25 pm ET
by vhs
i do have an old
blue towel that says don't
panic sewed into it
Haiku # 53801, May 7, 2016 2:25 pm ET
by vhs
well i have seen some
pan galactic recipees
i think I'd try one
Haiku # 53800, May 7, 2016 10:59 am ET
by vhs
The girl was gorgeous.
She was way out of his league.
He tried anyway.
Haiku # 53799, May 7, 2016 6:59 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
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