Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 135 Days and 76968 Haiku later...

It reminds him of
Arby's roast beef sandwiches
with a horrid stench.

That ain't horsey sauce.
It could use some vinegar.
It made him queasy.

It is just like when
you eat fresh made wasabi;
don't breathe through your nose.
Haiku # 54235, August 19, 2016 6:56 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
The monster's breath reeks.
Just like your wife's vagina.
Oh, that's what it is.
Haiku # 54234, August 19, 2016 6:47 pm ET
by df
Tiny little dick.
Enormous cunt with sharp teeth.
Balls will miss their friend.
Haiku # 54233, August 19, 2016 6:45 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker -- the worst of all bad "poets".
Cigars won't kill you.
They are only unhealthy
if you breathe their smoke.

Instead smoke ganja.
Marijuana cures cancer.
My friend's friend's grandma...

If there were no "if"
mathematicians would die.
If "if" were outlawed.

Big O, little o.
The big IF and little if.
Huge cunt, tiny dick.
Haiku # 54232, August 19, 2016 2:59 pm ET
by I am not myself; the monster has control.
I am no poet!
I never claimed to be one.
I am just a bitch.
Haiku # 54231, August 19, 2016 2:49 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
i often think I
want the props of intellect
cigar in one hand

puffing away, poke
the old words on a page but
i just wash dishes
Haiku # 54230, August 19, 2016 1:01 pm ET
by vhs
this is a long on
going conversation for
two poets bitching
Haiku # 54229, August 19, 2016 11:42 am ET
by vhs
Thanks for the time of my life. Will really recommend you as far as I go. phenq
http://www.phenqsale.com/
Haiku # 54228, August 19, 2016 7:35 am ET
by shella james of usa
Google Fruit are gay.
They're more gay than Bruce Jenner.
Can fruit change its sex?
Haiku # 54227, August 19, 2016 6:44 am ET
by df
I've been hovering
over a marriage I've had
too long, but have kids.

Never get married
if her mother is too fat
'cause she'll look the same.

Never mind all that.
Better just don't get married.
Just be a man whore.
Haiku # 54226, August 18, 2016 10:19 pm ET
by df
i've been hovering
over a job i've had too long
yet can't let it go
Haiku # 54225, August 18, 2016 1:03 pm ET
by vhs
Do you know the password for the router?
Who cleverly hidden away in the depths of it.
You just have to go a little
the link with ip 192.168.0.1
Haiku # 54224, August 18, 2016 8:10 am ET
by Lin of Bombey
In the remote mountains far
Pheasant Long-dormant -
Long tail of a pheasant.
This long, long night
Do I sleep alone?
192.168.1.1
Haiku # 54223, August 18, 2016 7:49 am ET
by malkovich of LA
"Never gonna give
you up, never gonna let
you down." -Rick Astley
Haiku # 54222, August 17, 2016 2:14 pm ET
by hakr14 of the deep web
hmm now i wonder
if two naked gay men could
be cockfighting and

if that would be on
an adult server in some sort
of circles like that
Haiku # 54219, August 16, 2016 11:11 am ET
by vhs
I can't believe this.
He's naked in the cock fight.
Naked Man Sabung.
(Sabung = cock fight.)

A strange tradition.
Your rooster wins and you strip.
Small penis display.
Haiku # 54209, August 15, 2016 8:00 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I guess I fucked up.
Here's the link I meant to post:
Philippines Cock Fight
Haiku # 54208, August 15, 2016 7:31 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Is it SPAM if it's not for profit?
Read this bad novel.
It's vulgar, offensive, and
will make you vomit.
evi1 - a novel about you

Or if you're lazy,
just watch this short You-tube flick:
Chicken fucker fun.

Another good one:
Now this is a great cock fight.
Philippines Cock Fight
Haiku # 54207, August 15, 2016 5:58 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of People's Republic of Spamakistan
Are these robot posts?
Why post spam w/o a link?
What are they selling?
lckaltpssyndtts
Haiku # 54206, August 15, 2016 5:44 pm ET
by df
We have attitude,
testicular fortitude,
anal fartitude.
Haiku # 54205, August 15, 2016 5:41 pm ET
by df
it's like the crack in
the dam, damn, the water will
flow, flood, sweep away
Haiku # 54203, August 15, 2016 12:36 pm ET
by vhs
No body likes me.
I know my music's not great.
Not like Madonna's.
Haiku # 54197, August 14, 2016 11:43 pm ET
by Justin Beiber
i wonder what it
would be like to get someone
"famous" posting stuff

here
Haiku # 54195, August 14, 2016 1:48 pm ET
by vhs
it is out of sight
trees and woods blow in the wind
I smacked into it
Haiku # 54190, August 14, 2016 2:55 am ET
by seed of unknown
ask yourself something
what is your superpower?
using it for good?
Haiku # 54189, August 14, 2016 12:10 am ET
by Manbingo Ricola of North Pensicola
Scam spam scam hello!
Thanks for scam spam hello scam.
Cram Spam in a can.
Haiku # 54188, August 13, 2016 11:41 pm ET
by flglglwiggipoopiepants of The Elitists' Republic of China
That's wrong, Mandingo.
I always poop in my pants.
Yes, others' pants too.

Imagine their look!
I take their clothes from clothes lines.
And then poop in them.

I return the clothes.
And I watch from a distance.
What horrified looks!
Haiku # 54186, August 13, 2016 11:54 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
a blink of my eye
and you will poop in your pants
My Superpower
Haiku # 54184, August 13, 2016 1:35 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola of the land of rock and rolla
Rapture and heaven.
All half-hearted half-measures.
We need permanence.

Death without a ghost.
Extinction forever more.
An end to this farce.

Sadly there are too many people on this planet to end human existence with a disease or small scale nuke war. It will likely take a huge asteroid or massive natural disaster to wipe us out. What is God waiting for?! Oh yeah, we entertain Him with our suffering... I forgot.
Haiku # 54183, August 12, 2016 7:27 pm ET
by df
i had a convo
with a kid from "PRC"
on icq and

he said something of
dragons, the Rapture, etc.
you know what i think

and believe so
this subject is normal to
me. it is ancient

what of Taiwan???
Haiku # 54182, August 12, 2016 10:44 am ET
by vhs
Considering China's disregard for the environment, overpopulation, expansionism, etc., there is no other recourse except for WWIII, but rather than nukes it should be fought with ebola just because, (1) that would be funny, and (2), think of the money we'd save.

Fucking bastards make an office chair that the legs break after 2 weeks! Fuckers deserve WWIII for that shit! Not cool!

Oh, a haiku...

Chinese commies suck.
A criminal empire.
Greed exemplified.
Haiku # 54180, August 11, 2016 3:41 pm ET
by df
well i am just of
the thought say our grandparents
called japan "japs" but

when World War II was
over then we have Japan
as it is right now

harajuku girls, games
hentai, and otaku and
what will we say on

China if Axl
gets his Democracy he
always wanted there
Haiku # 54179, August 10, 2016 1:47 pm ET
by vhs
It would be so nice
to have a bulletin board
instead of this shite.

We could log in and
voila, no more spam to read;
just awful poetry.

Some of you could be
admins to delete the SPAM
and violent threats.

It could be public,
but log in required for
posting poetry.

Problem fucking solved.
But will it ever happen?
Absolutely not.

If it ever does,
I will chop off my penis.
This I promise you.
--Donald Trump
Haiku # 54178, August 10, 2016 5:35 am ET
by DT
Finally it's right.
My God, what a fight that was.
Copy-paste sucks ass.
Haiku # 54177, August 9, 2016 9:17 pm ET
by df
      Plethoras of plethoras of radioactive gerbils at war with their ferret overlords in my left ear canal one Saturday night in Albuquerque while the sentient zit on my taint refused to be popped while singing the Star Strangled Banner. Quiche is really bad for you and the anti-quiche lobbyists almost have their bill pushed through congress and are awaiting presidential approval. "My name is Buford Frederick Figpucker and I approve this message," the bullhorn shrieked on the lunar colony (inhabitants affectionately known as lunatics). They have a good basketball team and their slam dunks are incredible. Theory and Application of Infinite Series by Konrad Knopp just made the New York Times best-sellers list.
      I want to be invisible for the sake of doing what most people would consider inappropriate in public places. Yes, that's just invisible rain and your children will be transparent.
      The coffee wars in the jungles of El Salvador have taken the lives of over 65,000 people and this is all being kept quiet by Southparkstudios.com. The connections are really obvious once you get past all the bullshit. Any country that has teenage girls' panties (having been worn once and not washed) in vending machines for perverted businessmen to buy and sniff on their way to work while drinking a "Grande Frappuccino" deserves a tsunami and radioactive fish falling from the sky on parachutes of Yen washed up on the shores of the imagination.
      KFTC KFTC KFTC KFTC.
      I don't know why.
      Bert and Ernie Anastos knows.
      And ass toes. Toes in your ass-fucking foot-sex because anal fisting is just not good enough sometimes. Extra stinky feet. And ass toes nose.
      In the next universe that God creates, the names of anyone you have sex with will be instantly tattooed on your arms for everyone to see. In the next universe that God creates, your genitals will be on your foreheads. In the next universe that God creates, there will be no poetry that starts each sentence with the same phrase.
      We need more depths to which we can sink. Pink toe stink.
Haiku # 54176, August 9, 2016 9:15 pm ET
by df "Plethoras" of fucking curly apostrophes are a pain in the ass here for copy-paste!
Plethoras of plethoras of radioactive gerbils at war with their ferret overlords in my left ear canal one Saturday night in Albuquerque while the sentient zit on my taint refused to be popped while singing the Star Strangled Banner. Quiche is really bad for you and the anti-quiche lobbyists almost have their bill pushed through congress and are awaiting presidential approval. "My name is Buford Frederick Figpucker and I approve this message," the bullhorn shrieked on the lunar colony (inhabitants affectionately known as lunatics). They have a good basketball team and their slam dunks are incredible. Theory and Application of Infinite Series by Konrad Knopp just made the New York Times best-sellers list.

I want to be invisible for the sake of doing what most people would consider inappropriate in public places. Yes, that's just invisible rain and your children will be transparent.

The coffee wars in the jungles of El Salvador have taken the lives of over 65,000 people and this is all being kept quiet by Southparkstudios.com. The connections are really obvious once you get past all the bullshit. Any country that has teenage girls' panties (having been worn once and not washed) in vending machines for perverted businessmen to buy and sniff on their way to work while drinking a "Grande Frappuccino" deserves a tsunami and radioactive fish falling from the sky on parachutes of Yen washed up on the shores of the imagination.

KFTC KFTC KFTC KFTC.

I don
Haiku # 54175, August 9, 2016 9:11 pm ET
by df "Plethoras" again... maybe of Goddamn curly quotes and apostrophes don't work on this website for copy paste. Life.
Plethoras of plethoras of radioactive gerbils at war with their ferret overlords in my left ear canal one Saturday night in Albuquerque while the sentient zit on my taint refused to be popped while singing the Star Strangled Banner. Quiche is really bad for you and the anti-quiche lobbyists almost have their bill pushed through congress and are awaiting presidential approval.
Haiku # 54174, August 9, 2016 9:07 pm ET
by df "Plethoras"
Now it's weather spam!
You must fucking kidding!
I don't want to live.

I'm looking forward
to an apocalyptic
World War I I I.

Aye aye, poke his eye.
Gouge them out and replace them.
With Pokemon balls.

Or just poke his balls.
But, you know, he might like that.
Katana castrate!

Did you read the story about the Japanese "Chef" who had his junk surgically removed and then he took it home and cooked it and fed it to clients at $500 per plate? Would YOU pay $500 to eat someone's balls and tiny little Asian cock, 'cause I sure wouldn't?!

I hope when we nuke
China that the blasts will make
some stupendous waves!

Surf's up, brah, hang ten!
Carve those radioactive
swells like a turkey!
Haiku # 54173, August 9, 2016 9:01 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker The Highly Inappropriate
El Nino waxes,
warm waters shoal, flow eastward,
Earth's fever rises.
Haiku # 54172, August 9, 2016 8:29 pm ET
by Gregory C. Johnson of NOAA
absurdity on all
levels, bill, allen and jack
are all dead right now

but the Beat goes on
Haiku # 54171, August 9, 2016 2:01 pm ET
by vhsronin
I have observed that in the world these days, video games include the latest popularity with kids of all ages. Periodically it may be extremely hard to drag the kids away from the games. If you want the best of both worlds, there are plenty of educational games for kids. Great post. dfddkggcbekfeede
Haiku # 54170, August 9, 2016 6:28 am ET
by Anonymous Poet of USA
I'm glad that it turned out so effectively and I hope it will continue in the future because it is so worthwhile and meaningful to the community. dddkfedadfdfbkkf
Haiku # 54169, August 8, 2016 5:18 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet of USA
well would you believe
that i think that by posting
a prayer request

to a christian site
about spiritually slam
ming the spam, it will

deal with the spam...but
let's keep going now ok
i find this part of

God's plan
Haiku # 54168, August 8, 2016 12:10 pm ET
by vhs/ronin
Hello!
Haiku # 54167, August 8, 2016 9:04 am ET
by otueopwu of USA
Hello!
Haiku # 54166, August 8, 2016 9:01 am ET
by irttiuwe of USA
Exact fucking ly!
Chinese spam and scam fake shoes.
Commie cock suckers!
Haiku # 54165, August 8, 2016 12:55 am ET
by df
I tried to find your heart online
You found mine
Heart and heart here and there
Haiku # 54164, August 7, 2016 11:26 pm ET
by Anni
Fuck all of this noise.
I'll add my own SPAM again.
And why shouldn't I?

Bad Poetry of Darth Figpucker
The World's Worst Poetry

Plethoras
Plethoras of plethoras of radioactive gerbils at war with their ferret overlords in my left ear canal one Saturday night in Albuquerque while the sentient zit on my taint refused to be popped while singing the Star Strangled Banner. Quiche is really bad for you and the anti-quiche lobbyists almost have their bill pushed through congress and are awaiting presidential approval. ―My name is Buford Frederick Figpucker and I approve this message, the bullhorn shrieked on the lunar colony (inhabitants affectionately known as lunatics). They have a good basketball team and their slam dunks are incredible. Theory and Application of Infinite Series by Konrad Knopp just made the New York Times best-sellers list.

I want to be invisible for the sake of doing what most people would consider inappropriate in public places. Yes, that
Haiku # 54163, August 7, 2016 11:04 pm ET
by df of Vietnam -- Charlie Don't Surf!
Vaginoplasty!
Make that sloppy old thing shine!
Like Madonna's song.

Juicy, tight, and pink.
"Like a vir-ir-ir-ir-gin!"
Five thousand dollars.
Haiku # 54162, August 7, 2016 10:52 pm ET
by df
Jesus fucking Christ!
There's enough SPAM to feed the
Philippines Navy!

No coincidence
that, yes, the SPAM is Chinese
in its origin.

Do a who's who search
on the SPAM sites, they're Chinese
almost all the time.

Fucking Communists.
Bunch of criminal assholes.
Greed and corruption.

A war would be good.
Fought with ebola and AIDS.
Airborne HIV.

It's what they deserve.
They have destroyed they planet.
They mush be punished!
Haiku # 54161, August 7, 2016 10:44 pm ET
by darthfigpucker
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