BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
19 Years
94 Days
and
53324 Haikus
later...
don't have time for this
right now, write mocking haiku
If you must but i'm

giving this a break for
a week or so, it's too cold
and real life is on
Haiku #53324, by vhs
February 14, 2016 1:54 pm ET

You are a bigot!
Kaitlyn Jenner is a brave
and hot young woman.
Haiku #53323, by Darth Figpucker
February 14, 2016 12:34 pm ET

"Oh my dear Figgy,
You pleasure me so much," said
no woman ever
Haiku #53322, by Anonymous Poet
February 14, 2016 12:20 pm ET

I don't like "df".
I prefer "Darth Figpucker".
Or "Lord Figpucker".

I will let you choose.
Or you can call me "Figgy",
whispered in my ear.

Happy VD Day.
Hope you enjoy your VD.
Say hi to the nurse.

County health clinics
are great places to meet your
future baby spouse.
Haiku #53321, by Lord Darth Figpucker, the Highly Inappropriate and Maker of Uncalled for Remarks. of Buy Chocolates at Lady Godiva's... Bitches love chocolate!
February 14, 2016 6:40 am ET

It is unlikely
that a haiku can reference
probability.

But for a haiku
to make reference to itself
is rather common.

Most trashy poets
will resort to this as a
bad comic relief.

See, I proved my point.
Just like your sister and mom;
Quite Easily Done.
Haiku #53320, by df of Quod Erat Demonstrandum
February 14, 2016 6:30 am ET

I am half awake.
I suppose I'm half asleep.
My penis is not.
Haiku #53319, by df of Happy Valentine's Day
February 13, 2016 5:11 pm ET

Hell is certainly
Existing girl in a porn
Snorting angel dust
Haiku #53318, by df of does anyone still snort PCP? Or has that fad fortuanately passed?
February 13, 2016 5:08 pm ET

Bliss is probably
Existential Unicorns
Farting fairy dust
Haiku #53317, by Mandingo Ebola
February 13, 2016 2:32 pm ET

haiku collection
far greater than the sumbits
and far worse than bad
Haiku #53316, by ash
February 13, 2016 1:26 am ET

people who were once
lively jump ship and leave their
message boards blank
Haiku #53315, by vhs
February 12, 2016 1:23 pm ET

who is on the end
of the other screen, when does
that voice fade away?
Haiku #53314, by vhs of you can't rewind
February 12, 2016 1:00 pm ET

Oh, you just don't know!
The expansionist commies
are coming for you.
Haiku #53313, by Anonymous Poet
February 11, 2016 6:39 pm ET

scowls
Haiku #53312, by vhs
February 11, 2016 12:31 pm ET

A major virus
is needed to cleanse the world.
More so in China.
Haiku #53311, by df of Chinese hotdogs made from zika babies. Criminal sapitalism hiding under a red flag.
February 10, 2016 8:08 pm ET

location some place
on the earth anywhere, earth
library, laptop

cell phone, clunky thing
pc still running windows xp
a snapshot of a

life posted here now
Haiku #53310, by vhs
February 10, 2016 3:02 pm ET

it becomes a huge
competition between one
weirdo and weirdo

keeping the so called
normal people out who suck
anyways with their lack

of humanity, fear
of being seen as weird and of
course taking human

lives to be seen as
part of a bigger whole that
satanic extroversion

ruling america
Haiku #53309, by vhs
February 10, 2016 12:37 pm ET

sometimes sanity
is saved by insanity
believe and be saved

by French fries, wal mart
capitalism and the
dead things of this world
Haiku #53308, by vhs
February 10, 2016 12:24 pm ET

Oh, shit, I'm sorry!
I sandwiched the wrong person.
A drive-by food fight.
Haiku #53307, by df
February 10, 2016 6:30 am ET

Bum Fights is my fave.
Next would be blowing shit up.
And ancient tunnels.

Perhaps that last one
explains my current marriage.
Ooo.. that was so bad.
Haiku #53306, by df
February 10, 2016 6:20 am ET

Reaches in the fridge.
Slaps vhs with foot long.
Sub sandwich that is.
Haiku #53305, by df
February 10, 2016 6:16 am ET

Insanity Now!
Release me from my demons,
or give me sandwich.
Haiku #53304, by Mandingo Ebola
February 10, 2016 1:13 am ET

top five weird shit on
youtube videos when I
used to watch that show

alive from off
center and street of those say
alligators gave me

nightmares. then the band
tool showed up with prison sex
nostalgia for weird

church of the subgenius
and or truly weird sections
when the net was the

underground

disinfo
Haiku #53303, by vhs
February 9, 2016 11:57 pm ET

apparently a dead
chicken in a you tube vid
is an alien body

mysteriously
found located on the edge
of a woods somewhere
Haiku #53302, by vhs
February 9, 2016 10:23 pm ET

I keep using these
mibbit chats and the ads are
for Arabic or

Russian girlfriends
or some other sundry ad
or cookie junk mail
Haiku #53301, by vhs
February 9, 2016 10:05 pm ET

whatever the reason
and whatever the purpose
I am somewhat amused
Haiku #53300, by vhs
February 9, 2016 10:01 pm ET

I'm trying to find
nude pictures of Hillary
Clinton. Don't ask why.
Haiku #53299, by df
February 9, 2016 8:53 pm ET

sometimes though it will
become necessary to let
people go and go

into refelction
letting old people go in
their habits and let

the ballast sink and
fly on with wings of black and
leather, horns of onyx
Haiku #53298, by vhs
February 9, 2016 2:15 pm ET

Hillary Clinton
wants to become president
to sleep with interns.
Haiku #53297, by df
February 9, 2016 4:19 am ET

I use two napkins
One for lap and one for mouth
Maybe one for nose
Haiku #53296, by Shirley Smothers
February 8, 2016 5:17 pm ET

Momma used to say
"Ugly is as ugly does."
That bitch was ugly!

My soul is ugly.
My hole is also ugly.
They reflect themselves.

Smells also reflect.
Both soul and hole smell like shit.
Both need a big douche.

That's where you come in.
Clean me out, oh friend geyser.
Boiling spring water.

Warmed by hell fire.
Burn the sin right out of me.
I need to suffer.

I'm laughing so hard.
I would like some fried chicken.
And mashed potatoes.

What are you having?
Do you cook your own meals?
Or do you dine out?
Haiku #53295, by df
February 8, 2016 4:02 pm ET

These are not haiku
No, not even bad haiku
Ugly reflections
Haiku #53294, by DrD of Orlando
February 8, 2016 2:58 pm ET

because they enjoyed
posting things, posting thoughts, but
pearls before swine huh

take my pearls elsewhere?
Haiku #53293, by Anonymous Poet
February 8, 2016 12:21 pm ET

Why the fuck would one
post haiku on this website
unless bored to tears

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Haiku #53292, by df
February 8, 2016 11:58 am ET

short bored posts from folks
who are bored posting a few
messages on here
Haiku #53291, by vhs
February 8, 2016 11:41 am ET

I did not do that.
So your wife has a remote
for your computer?

Wow, you are a chump.
Next she'll make you stop going
to the titty bars.

Super Bowl Fifty.
From both states with legal pot.
Super BOWL, get it?
Haiku #53290, by Anonymous Poet
February 7, 2016 5:36 pm ET

well my machine just
shut itself off by remote
wow, what a surprise
Haiku #53289, by vhs
February 7, 2016 1:51 pm ET

What did you think of
Star Wars Episode VII?
Was that gay, or what?!

Recycled old plots.
In four out of the seven
a space station blew.

I was like, "Again?!"
Kylo Ren, Kylo Stimpy.
Rae needs a nude scene.

Lucas fucked up bad.
He should have given Star Wars
to Tarantino.

It's the light saber
that says Bad Motherfucker.
Mace Jules in the house!

Supreme Leader Snoke,
I mean, what a fucking joke!
Elmo's scarier.

Okay, I'll stop there.
I think it's time for my nap.
Blanky and Elmo.
Haiku #53288, by df
February 7, 2016 1:51 pm ET

you've figured out
over the years I am a Christian
so I have a kind

of different if flawed
world view, I mean do the logs

in the eyes of say
"df,"....we start with our
own minds, homes, spirits

egos, beer collections
south park reruns and bad
impressions of henry miller lists
Haiku #53287, by vhs
February 7, 2016 1:43 pm ET

You, vhs, no.
You are not worth the killing.
I would fart on you.

Hold you down and fart.
Right into your open mouth.
And inflate your lungs.

Seriously though.
I only hate parasites.
Yes, I would kill them.

Not only just kill,
but torture, maim, burn, and, well,
you get the idea.

The world's grown too small
to tolerate those that take
from the rest of us.

All thieves should be killed.
Strung up and mutilated.
Fed to the lions.
Haiku #53286, by df for president
February 7, 2016 1:32 pm ET

one time I was in
a poetry group and I
walked away and the

poetry group broke up
if it were just one person
posting, would this place

have nothing to say
nothing to declare, is there a
point to this evil?
Haiku #53285, by vhs
February 7, 2016 1:30 pm ET

we are if we can't
choose good or evil as a
certain English man

said nothing but say
Clockwork Oranges just wind
up toys with no will
Haiku #53284, by vhs
February 7, 2016 1:26 pm ET

and think about it
I don't smoke anything but
it used to be say

cigarettes, smoked a
lot during food service jobs
I work Relaix um

Cheateaux. You can say
The world is a lot more say
complex than a few

posts on a website
with some Internet haiku
people trying to

be like 8 Mile but
only in haiku form, how
far can one take this

over words?
Haiku #53283, by vhs
February 7, 2016 1:23 pm ET

I am trying to
make a point here with these say
poems as my fam

innocently pokes through
birthday party pictures and
shows me pics of a

pig that was just fed
I am horrified about
say Donald Trump

a populist voice
taking advantage of the fear
and anger out there

who will speak harsh words
next, I mean what happens here
isn't the same as it

was 10 years ago
when irony had a point
and it was pissed off

people posting and
flaming each other and like
parallel lines never

the twain shall meet
words words words words CAN harm or
they can heal, if one

believes in magick
or one believes in Christ but
die and go to hell

tell me what is it
like, but a reflection of
the evil life one

lived in their real time
(CS Lewis, The Great Divorce)
Haiku #53282, by vhs
February 7, 2016 1:20 pm ET

lets say you want to
take my life in real life could
you honestly wear

say the steel toed boots
crack my head open like say a
watermelon, could you

commit the act of
murder against a "subhuman"
like the KKK

Or Isis does the
whole dehumanizing excuse
are you any better

than "the white trash" and
are your words a true real life
threat I need to

pay attention to?
the price I pay for my art
who are you I think?
Haiku #53281, by vhs
February 7, 2016 1:14 pm ET

sublimely upright
politicians never lie
they just stand for things

Haiku #53280, by ash
February 7, 2016 7:47 am ET

"If I'm elected,
I promise to put an end
to all corruption."

Haiku #53279, by df
February 6, 2016 6:32 pm ET

vhs smokes crack
he stole a baby car seat
to sell and buy meth

indeed trash trash trash
better be nice or I'll smash
your hand blown glass pipe

when white trash trash trash
it is rather amusing
like Jerry Springer

but when they cost you
about ten thousand dollars
by trashing your house

then you want them dead
and I do mean burned alive
barbecue with screams
Haiku #53278, by Anonymous Poet
February 6, 2016 3:12 pm ET

white trash are the one
group that people trash trash trash
like chavs in England

no comment...beware
we cast stones to the first yet
they cast back at us
Haiku #53277, by vhs
February 6, 2016 11:13 am ET

Cops should be brutal.
But they should be so to whites.
White trash are bad news!
Haiku #53276, by df
February 6, 2016 4:34 am ET

you know there was the
whole "cops are getting carried"
away thing but like all

mediums books sell
based on the big names or the
lurid details of

a horror horror
or the self help genre which
why fear and loathing

really sells your work
Haiku #53275, by vhs
February 5, 2016 1:22 pm ET