BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
19 Years
195 Days
and
53857 Haikus
later...
Why are poets gay?
They think pens are penises.
And so hold them close.
Haiku #53857, by Anonymous Poet
May 23, 2016 10:28 pm ET

Masturbating rules!
Spanking it beats sex with you.
He said to his wife.
Haiku #53856, by df
May 23, 2016 7:05 am ET

Hello!
Haiku #53855, by uwuutpte of USA
May 22, 2016 10:32 pm ET

I suck hamburgers.
Erotic cow grease dribbles.
With condom French fries.

Ice cream lubricant.
Peanut butter and KY.
Inappropriate.

Balcony pot shot.
Ten story sex food aiming.
Various targets.

Security guard!
Seven hundred points.
He should wear a hat.
Haiku #53854, by DF
May 22, 2016 10:04 pm ET

His wife just left him.
She is having an affair.
With his fat sister.

He would have been glad,
but now his ex will get half
the inheritance.
Haiku #53853, by Darth Figpucker
May 22, 2016 6:14 pm ET

Hello!
Haiku #53852, by yyuiepyo of USA
May 21, 2016 9:35 am ET

Hello!
Haiku #53851, by opotywue of USA
May 21, 2016 9:35 am ET

Hello!
Haiku #53850, by upeiretr of USA
May 21, 2016 9:35 am ET

Ants in the tropics.
They get in one's underwear,
biting tender parts.
Haiku #53849, by Darth Figpucker
May 21, 2016 1:54 am ET

"You are so stupid."
"You are a worthless turd ball."
This ain't about you!

You just don't get it.
You should bungee jump sans rope.
No, I don't mean you.

The one behind you.
That's who I'm talking about.
No, the other one!

God! Fucking wake up.
Now pay attention shit bag.
This ain't about you!
Haiku #53848, by Darth Figpucker
May 21, 2016 1:33 am ET

Mandingleberry.
Ebola Cola toilet.
Bloody hemorrhage.

Refreshing virus
carbonated beverage
that just might kill you.

The death toll is past
Eleven thousand humans.
Will China be next?
Haiku #53847, by Darth Figpucker
May 20, 2016 10:05 am ET

Hating is pure work.
Battling an uphill force.
And work is stupid.

Here there is no hate.
Nor is there one ounce of love.
Only apathy.

But in a good way.
Prepare yourself to let go
all you fear to lose.

If you care too much,
then you are doomed to failure.
Time for me to poop.
Haiku #53846, by Darth Figpucker
May 20, 2016 9:54 am ET

The soul becomes dyed
with the color of its thoughts
M. Aurelius
Haiku #53845, by Anonymous Poet
May 20, 2016 1:26 am ET

Hating is lazy.
Relating requires more effort,
and real intellect.

So Darth, it's up to you;
you want this place to yourself?
keep on keeping on.



Haiku #53844, by Mandingo Ebola of Seriousstan
May 20, 2016 12:46 am ET

He broke into tears.
Someone wrote in the bathroom,
"You are a faggot."

It was scrawled in black
permanent magic marker.
And it was magic.

Beneath that was scrawled,
"You should go kill your fat self."
So he cried harder.

And next to that was,
"Call Suzie for a good time."
He called the number.

There was a long wait.
Suzie answered her cell phone.
Our man had a date.

He paid Suzie well.
She performed many sex acts.
And he was happy.

The sex was okay.
But what really made him grin,
knowing the wall's wrong.

He was not a fag.
Suzie helped him to prove this.
But now he has AIDS.

He will die alone,
immune system shutting down,
wasting to nothing.

The main reason is
'cause it's always about him.
Maybe the wall knew.
Haiku #53843, by Darth Figpucker
May 20, 2016 12:18 am ET

i like to keep it
going, sometimes it is fun
look in the mirror
Haiku #53842, by vhs
May 19, 2016 12:06 pm ET

i have also learned
to value other lives that may or
may not value theirs

don't try to throw me
back down the path of some who
think it's that easy
Haiku #53841, by vhs
May 19, 2016 11:42 am ET

i value my life
even if you don't, so don't make
me learn to hate you

it's not in my faith
it's what i am trying to kill
inside me through CHRIST

it''s why i haven't
taken my own life, i believe that
hell is eternal
Haiku #53840, by vhs
May 19, 2016 11:41 am ET

i am not sure if
i should stop posting i mean
you seem to want the

place to yourself, but
if i moved on my life goes on
and you post more...stuff

what is this stuff? is
this the same as the guy who
holds court on the side

of a street saying
"homeless please help me"
hmm deeper meaning??
Haiku #53839, by vhs
May 19, 2016 11:39 am ET

I'm sure you share the
same lovely comments with those
in real life you love

but it is perhaps
why you are here, they have moved
on to kinder realms
Haiku #53838, by vhs
May 19, 2016 11:38 am ET

Despite the fact that
sea cucumbers have no brains,
they're smarter than you.
Haiku #53837, by Darth Figpucker
May 19, 2016 9:07 am ET

It's funny how that
stupid people cannot see
how useless they are.

Suicide is quick.
It is painless if done right.
Google it and see.
Haiku #53836, by Darth Figpucker
May 19, 2016 1:21 am ET

google, now there's a
group that we have to say wants
to own us like we

we're it's software, drones
a Satanic company
how do you do folks...
Haiku #53835, by vhs
May 18, 2016 12:48 pm ET

I don't believe you.
If you reeeeeally love me;
you give me password
Haiku #53834, by Mandingo Ebola of Rocky Mountain High
May 18, 2016 1:47 am ET

I really really love you jual airsoft gun murah
Haiku #53833, by tarra of malay
May 18, 2016 12:18 am ET

Hello!
Haiku #53832, by uutwopii of USA
May 17, 2016 9:03 pm ET

Hello!
Haiku #53831, by yeptpoeo of USA
May 16, 2016 9:28 pm ET

i have also been
told love something while you can
but a used towel?

it does say of course
dont panic but i would say
some things must pass on
Haiku #53830, by vhs of i'll miss that towel
May 16, 2016 12:52 pm ET

overbearing people
do not realize even till
death the relief their

passing gives to the
overburdened upon, the
anchor cast aside
Haiku #53829, by vhs
May 16, 2016 12:31 pm ET

On their wedding night
did Leia wear her two-piece
to get Han turned on?

I'm touching myself.
But better myself than you.
I would do Jabba.

Jabba reminds me
of what Vogons should look like
before prosthetics.

Is there a worm hole
from HItchhiker's to Star Wars
universes then?

Apparently the
worms have found their long lost hole.
They will soon be here.
Haiku #53828, by Darth Figpucker
May 16, 2016 2:43 am ET

who shot first, greedo
or han solo? and why do
we worry on these

issues
Haiku #53827, by vhs
May 15, 2016 1:04 pm ET

A basket of squid.
Breaded, crispy, and deep-fried.
Mon Calamari.
Haiku #53826, by Darth Figpucker
May 15, 2016 5:35 am ET

Wasting energy.
What humans were made to do.
Why else are you here?
Haiku #53825, by Darth Figpucker
May 15, 2016 5:32 am ET

So much energy.
Wasting it on foolish things.
It is what we do.
Haiku #53824, by Anonymous Poet
May 15, 2016 4:30 am ET

Drink cup of coffee
Shove hot pocket down your pants
You'll get same result
Haiku #53823, by Anonymous Poet
May 14, 2016 11:39 pm ET

Are your testes sad?
You need new Testicle Perk!
As seen on TV.

Make your balls happy.
Order now and receive a
FREE scrotum warmer.
Haiku #53822, by Darth Figpucker
May 13, 2016 8:25 pm ET

Going for a beer.
Which of you fags will join me?
Fine then, sip your tea!
Haiku #53821, by Darth Figpucker
May 12, 2016 11:11 pm ET

changes are strangest
innovation shakes things up
retro, innovation?

in the future we
will listen to albums on
vinyl record disks
Haiku #53820, by vhs
May 12, 2016 12:53 pm ET

it goes away but
like anything it takes time
the mind gets cloudy
Haiku #53819, by vhs
May 12, 2016 11:02 am ET

i don't quite feel it
too early in the morning
vertigo, fatigue
Haiku #53818, by vhs
May 12, 2016 10:29 am ET

Do not fool yourself
Space aliens don't need shit
That's why they ain't here
Haiku #53817, by Mandingo Ebola of Drunkistan
May 11, 2016 10:30 pm ET

Verile roosters, mate.
It's not love, it's barnyard porn.
The eggs are quite good.

But if you make quiche,
I'll lop off your criminals
to feed the new chicks.

Legal cockfighting.
Losing lots of cash while drunk
in South East Asia.

You may scoff at it.
Better times cannot be had.
Well, unless you win.
Haiku #53816, by Darth Figpucker
May 11, 2016 9:39 pm ET

Give up your body.
The space aliens need you.
Anal probes aren't bad.
Haiku #53815, by Darth Figpucker
May 11, 2016 9:27 pm ET

While in paradise,
life sucks the life out of me,
and not one thing else.
Haiku #53814, by Darth Figpucker
May 11, 2016 9:17 pm ET

Life without sleep sucks.
It sucks like a Bangkok whore.
But it won't swallow.
Haiku #53813, by Darth Figpucker
May 11, 2016 9:12 pm ET

Bleeding hedgehogs scream
The hot August sun beats down
The lawnmower wins
Haiku #53812, by Steve Olstad
May 11, 2016 5:42 pm ET

Sterile Chickens Mate
Their love produce no offspring
How can I eat eggs?
Haiku #53811, by Steve Olstad of Colorado
May 11, 2016 5:40 pm ET

Haiku is old tool
Landlord fool peasant with it
Not me, Chairman Mao!
Haiku #53810, by Steve OIstad of Colorado
May 11, 2016 5:28 pm ET

is it a game of
poetry pong one pass to
another, blip to blip?
Haiku #53809, by vhs
May 11, 2016 10:17 am ET

back in the day there
was a text game of that sci
fi comedy with

the depressed robot
to hold tea and no tea at
the same time was seen

as deep philosophy
i think that's all i have to
say about that.. but

Haiku #53808, by vhs
May 10, 2016 12:27 pm ET