BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
97 Days
and
62276 Haikus
later...
Henceforth you'll be called...
Darth Funtcart, Lord of Savage.
Rise, my apprentice.

Okay, enough fun.
Got to feed my dinosaur.
She's an herbivore.
Haiku #62276, by Lord Figpucker, having delusions of grandure
February 17, 2019 10:39 pm ET

There are only two,
the master and apprentice.
Starkitten's neither.

Though he's unaware,
Cuntfart is my apprentice.
Shit flows from his pen.

A slow trickle now.
But soon to be a geyser.
Old faithful shit spew.
Haiku #62275, by Lord Figpucker, the endless wellspring of fecal matter, splatter on the platter, you eat and get fatter.
February 17, 2019 10:32 pm ET

Masturbatory!
Holy schlong shlappers, Batman,
get the Vaseline!
Haiku #62274, by Lord Figpucker, Esq.
February 17, 2019 10:25 pm ET

Just like Bono said
We're one but we're not the same


Darth, Starkitten
Haiku #62273, by Bono is silly
February 17, 2019 7:51 pm ET

We're all getting full
But the demon inside growls
EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT
Haiku #62272, by Person who is apparently not finished eating of Table
February 17, 2019 7:22 pm ET

I know how you feel.
I also become evil
when craving pasta.
Haiku #62271, by df
February 17, 2019 6:21 pm ET

Spaghetti monster
You live inside my body
You make me do this
Haiku #62270, by Barilla Gorilla
February 17, 2019 5:03 pm ET

Melodious farts
Bringing joy to the workplace
Now, roll up your sleeves
Haiku #62269, by Motivational speaker of Japan
February 17, 2019 4:27 pm ET

Bad Haiku phone call
Hello?? Who's calling?
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt
Haiku #62268, by dERECTory of ASSistance
February 17, 2019 4:15 pm ET

Used to have it all
But it didn't bring me joy
So I threw it out
Haiku #62267, by M.T. Kondo of Full Bank Account
February 17, 2019 3:45 pm ET

Hippie gorp glutton
Fouled your bell bottoms again
Lay off the seeds, man
Haiku #62266, by Peace
February 17, 2019 2:52 pm ET

What would they call it?

If cats made cottage cheese

My guess: Cattage Cheese
Haiku #62265, by Notices of details of Oblivion
February 17, 2019 2:46 pm ET

Adjust the gonads
Rollerblading dynamo
Ladies, form a line
Haiku #62264, by Too Cool of For Words
February 17, 2019 2:42 pm ET

Every day the same
It should just be called Sameday
Thank G-d,it's Sameday!
Haiku #62263, by Same shit, Sameday
February 17, 2019 1:47 pm ET

Haiku on Sunday
Might be considered a sin
Yelled from the pulpit
Haiku #62262, by Jack N. DePulpit of Personal Papermill
February 17, 2019 1:44 pm ET

Outside Tastee-Freeze
The sucking of chili dogs
The melancholy
Haiku #62261, by Anonymous Poet
February 17, 2019 8:46 am ET

Sipping beverages
I'm slurping to annoy you
Pal, its my nature.
Haiku #62260, by Sluuuuuuuuuuuuurp of Discount Beverage Depot of Slurpistan
February 17, 2019 8:41 am ET

Poor old man Grundy
Goose splatter feces oatmeal
Breakfasting outside
Haiku #62259, by With Quaker Oats Dude of High AF
February 17, 2019 8:36 am ET

Purple lily pad
Someone kissed a purple frog
That's where Prince came from
Haiku #62258, by Fairy Tails the truth and I ain't amphibian you
February 17, 2019 8:33 am ET

You need penis slapped.
You need transformed poetics.
You sure need something . . .
Haiku #62257, by Slap-happy Grand Pappy of Slapistan
February 17, 2019 7:37 am ET

I beheld Pepe
Over there in Kekistan
Green as any frog
Haiku #62256, by Kekistani Poet of REEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee
February 17, 2019 5:41 am ET

I went to Dorking
It's over there in England
I was with some dorks
Haiku #62255, by Last century
February 17, 2019 2:20 am ET

Forgot to mention
Penis slaps me in the face
With every new step
Haiku #62254, by Step by Step of Oooo baby
February 17, 2019 1:32 am ET

but I just don't know how I can make it through the door. My approach may be sideways if I don't have a boner. Hard to believe that I used to walk down flights of stairs in a continuous handstand. The condition of my condition is a source of concern and ridicule. Go ahead and laugh as I attempt to recreate stair stunts to impress my new friends.
Haiku #62253, by Anonymous Poet
February 16, 2019 11:25 pm ET

Hey,have one for me
Blow the smoke straight in my face
Now eat the filter
Haiku #62252, by Simon Says
February 16, 2019 10:28 pm ET

By his Mole
Haiku #62251, by Anonymous Poet
February 16, 2019 8:09 pm ET

That last poem was penned by John Boy Walton
Haiku #62250, by He always tries of To steal my thunder
February 16, 2019 8:08 pm ET

Got so high once
Thought I was an ingrown hair
Thanks, Mary Ellen
Haiku #62249, by John Boy Walton of High AF Walton
February 16, 2019 8:07 pm ET

Your mother was right
If you make a face like that
It will stay that way
Haiku #62248, by Mothers of the Universe of Always aRight
February 16, 2019 8:03 pm ET

Sexy, just like that.
Saturday IceCream Sundae
Dairy in my bra
Haiku #62247, by Farm wife of Hee Haw
February 16, 2019 7:52 pm ET

YouTube's gotten lame.
Jacking off to K-Pop girls.
That's all it's good for.
Haiku #62246, by df
February 16, 2019 6:39 pm ET

Wondering aloud.
Beavis. The smashing of frogs.
You're constipation.
Haiku #62245, by Anonymous Poet
February 16, 2019 6:35 pm ET

Me need cookie fix.
Medical marijuana.
Brownies okay too.
Haiku #62244, by Cookie Monster
February 16, 2019 6:31 pm ET

Icicles dripping
Reminds me of your cold heart
And my warm penis
Haiku #62243, by Thaw
February 16, 2019 4:09 pm ET

Wandering around
Beavers. The gnashing of teeth.
I'm constipated
Haiku #62242, by Full
February 16, 2019 4:03 pm ET

Confused in your pants
Head swivels around,
owlish
No one gives a hoot
Haiku #62241, by Who cares?
February 16, 2019 3:45 pm ET

Now, touch your joystick
Do you feel like Ms. PacMan
Time to whack the mole
Haiku #62240, by Hey, I resemble/resent that remark of john Boy Walton's mole of cheek
February 16, 2019 3:31 pm ET

Those Millenials;
They seem clueless about life.
Gaming all day long...
Haiku #62239, by Playing with your Wii trying to figure out what gender U R
February 16, 2019 2:57 pm ET

ala peanut butter
sandwiches!!! poof the wild
amazing mumford!
Haiku #62238, by vhs
February 16, 2019 2:35 pm ET

Thought you eat fruit now
Ask Oscar for durian
It's in his trash can
Haiku #62237, by Mr Looper's ghost of High as a Kite
February 16, 2019 2:08 pm ET

Me still use crayon.
I hope that okay for now.
Got any cookies?
Haiku #62236, by Cookie Monster
February 16, 2019 1:41 pm ET

Hey,
you can do it
Your pencil marks may be small
But you press down hard
Haiku #62235, by Good Penmanship
February 16, 2019 1:28 pm ET

I changed all the locks
Except my chastity belt
And the old back door
Haiku #62234, by Cyrus O'Paranoid of Piehole
February 16, 2019 1:25 pm ET

No one in Paris.
Nothing happening at all.
La Ville de Lumiere.
Haiku #62233, by Time To Go Shopping Because Everything Is Always Normal of Babylon
February 16, 2019 10:05 am ET

A haiku on love
Love stinks oh yes love stinks yes
Love stinks oh love stinks
Haiku #62232, by Shirley Smothers
February 16, 2019 12:10 am ET

We live in Juneau
Baculum to the Future
Schlong time we live here
Haiku #62231, by Anonymous Poet
February 15, 2019 9:23 pm ET

Immediately after the rain it was never a good time to go out to the street in front of my house. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome was messing with the neighbor kids. The lived on Carnation powdered milk and buckets of cheap peanut butter. They farted in the mud puddles
Haiku #62230, by Neighbor
February 15, 2019 8:32 pm ET

Jewish Eskimos?
Whale meat is too fatty.
Stick to salmon lox.
Haiku #62229, by df
February 15, 2019 8:17 pm ET

No just have a curse
No newfangled stuff in there
Other than Satan
Haiku #62228, by Anonymous Poet
February 15, 2019 8:16 pm ET

I smell someone
Haiku #62227, by Dr Oz
February 15, 2019 8:15 pm ET