Sleep eludes me on
the AM Midtown Direct
thanks to Coughing Guy

Why not sit next to
Cell Phone Lady or Full Blast
iPod Hipster Ass?

PAHLSSON SCORES! Strewth! He
must be the best defensive
player of the year!

in my excitement
i have begun to ssstutter
ssssorry about that

chowderhead returns!
it has been too long since he
blessed blessed this site with dreck

following is a
test of the emergency
bad haiku system

A X-mas wish for
all: More frankincense, less myrrh.
You got that, Santa?

The four words I long
to hear, although he's gone now:
"Fetch, my oboe, son."

The holiday I
celebrate? TOYOTATHON.
O Camry be praised!

What would Jesus eat
on X-mas? Carved ham? No. He
don't dig on the swine.

A deal between friends
Know that I would do the same
for you if needed.

If I'm wearing a
beret and I haven't joined
the army, shoot me.

I think I love you
but what am I so afraid
of? Purple nerple.

Lost my dohicky.
Thought I put it next to the
whatchamacallit.

Thank you, President
Bush. Civil rights? Who needs 'em?
Whack those terrorists!

Fetch the pole from the
crawlspace. Train for Feats of Strength.
Festivus is near.

James says, "Ain't no drag.
Papa's got a brand new bag."
What else can be said?

Reliving glories
of past haiku with search tool.
Damn, I was clever.

I can use the word
schadenfreude in context.
Best part of whole thing.

The Giants disgraced
with help from refs. Jets fans smug
with schadenfreude

I

Hair color that fake
should be banned. A sin against
God, State, and Nature

After long absence
Chowderhead has returned. Work?
I can do it Mon.

Poop deck is a mess<br>crow's nest unkempt, crew all drunk<br>Shiver me timbers

Uplifting pictures.<br>Are Muhammad figurines<br>available too?

Talk dirty to me<br>but not too dirty, and not<br>in front of the dog

Ex stopped by to whine<br>Said she felt bad, stayed the night<br>She felt fine to me

Think happy thoughts in<br>seventeen-syllable form<br>Share warmth but don

Parade of co-eds<br>wearing sandals, looking dazed<br>Summer temps are here

Angelic presence, <br>your eyes are like shimmering<br>diamonds. Nice cans too.

Tree falls in forest.<br>No one there. Does it make sound?<br>Who cares? Firewood.

Cereal boxtop<br>zen: tomorrow is coming<br>but yesterday

Am flattered you like<br>jello haiku. Feel free to <br>use, but just for good<br><br>(not for evil)<br>

A fine line between <br>fishing and standing on shore<br>like an idiot

Watch it wiggle. See<br>it jiggle. Cool and fruity<br>and it

Saran Wrap over<br>toilet rim. Girlfriend can

Cold fish, seaweed, and<br>rice, rolled up neat. That

Red-headed stepchild<br>David among Goliaths<br>Royal Crown Cola

Plop plop, fizz fizz. Oh<br>What a relief it is. Ahhh

A novel idea:<br>beer-flavored Budweiser. How<br>about it, Science?<br>

Leggo my Eggo<br>Now there

On total weight loss<br>plan. Just resting my organs,<br>taking a dirt nap.

Bush is President.<br>Kid Rock is V.P. Here comes<br>the Apocalypse.

Dominos Pizza:<br>Avoiding that damn noid since<br>1986

Roofies? Billy Dee<br>says no. Try Colt 45.<br>It works every time.

Urban youths gyrate<br>on cardboard in baggy clothes<br>

The Muse is angry<br>using haiku for chat makes<br>her want to vomit<br>

The Muse is angry<br>using haiku for chat makes<br>her want to vomit<br>

Pimp hand not so strong.<br>Haven

The House that Ruth Built<br>made of drift wood and tin foil<br>Nice job there, Ruthie<br>

Talk dirty to me<br>but not too dirty, and not<br>in front of the dog<br>

I

Chastened youths slow down<br>crisis averted again<br>Lifeguard earns his keep<br>

Iceland not icy,<br>Greenland not green. Now I get<br>it: Viking humor.<br>

No escape from fumes<br>Fart in the elevator<br>Someone

Can I

Monkeys at the zoo<br>won

Every fall, trees full <br>of underwear. Every spring,<br>toilets explode. Delta!<br>

If I get rich, I<br>hope I

I am a haiku<br>machine. Try and stop me from<br>waxing poetic.<br>

Angelic presence, <br>your eyes are like shimmering<br>diamonds. Nice cans too.<br>

Tree falls in forest.<br>No one there. Does it make sound?<br>Who cares? Firewood.<br>

Ask not what country<br>can do for you. Ask what you <br>can do for country.<br>

Dealt jack and a nine<br>the dealer shows a seven<br>What the hell -- hit me<br>

An interesting fact:<br>Superman uncircumcised.<br>No moyels on Krypton.<br>

Redneck nine-course meal:<br>beef jerky, pig knuckles, Skoal,<br>and six pack of Bud<br>

No lettuce for me.<br>You don

Donate your body<br>to Art. Why should Science get<br>all the good corpses?<br>

Bad breakup, we

a seedy fellow<br>who knows how to grease a palm<br>that mayor mccheese

Man of the people<br>tireless public servant<br>McCheese for Mayor<br>

Cosmic mystery<br>unknowable enigma<br>Who let the dogs out?<br>

Brash iconoclast<br>voice of a generation<br>Weird Al Yankovic<br>

metes out street justice<br>curmudgeon with heart of gold<br>Andy Sipowicz<br>

My ode to color <br>has hit a major snafu<br>What rhymes with silver?<br>

mushy bean curd soup<br>they call it nouvelle cuisine<br>overpriced tasteless slop<br>