The episode
Darth helps Jan Brady with math
and stays for dinner

C'mon hop to it
Rustle me up some grub, hon
Pork Chops, Applesauce

<I>"Quotation is a
serviceable substitute for
wit."</I> Oscar Wilde

It's broken again
Damned reverse gear is sticking
stupid bicycle!

This exorcism
of the defrocked Cardinals
tougher than it sounds

All this paperwork
for the deconsecreation
is God damned stupid

The disinternment
is today, but what to wear?
So I bought a card

<I>It will be so nice
at today's exhumation
to see her again

She'll have changed a bit
but I have expectations
of a happy day!</I>

There once was a man
Inexpert in poetry
Born in Limerick

"What's good about me?"
Well.. my faux-sincere replies
in job interviews!

I've lost it again
My 'Knowledge Management' file
Forget what's in it

This new box of wine
quite good - Appellation
of a Tuesday shift?

To bug a Croat
Just say "Croatian" "Raincoat"
'cause they're anagrams

As days grow shorter
I begin my abscission
start with toes this year

Are itching, burning
peeling, flaking, cankerous
red sores a problem?

Those pathetic things
only the poor can afford
Collect the whole set!

This schlerotic day
prescribes champagne, blood and fear
what is not to love?

I had a great dream
about having a nightmare
but I forget it

Miracles of snow
<I>pas un pays, c'est l'hiver</I>
Very long driveway

"Whereof one can't speak, thereof one must be silent"
Wittgenstein so rules!

Senator McCain
was known as 'Punk McNasty'
in his high school days

So tradition is
Oligarchy of the dead
Like America?

<I>Consanguinity</I>
Nothing to worry about
Wife and I asked mom

No more microwave
We just put the slow cooker
in pressure cooker

We enjoy our new
Tandem stationary bike
in just half the time

Wrote cheque to myself
For zero bucks, self-endorsed
Hate it when I do that

The flight to Trenton
from Kandahar still echoes
of bagpipes and tears

Dvorak <STRIKE>kebyord</strike> keyboard
It take]s a\whilte to learn it
Butt i'ts mucf haster!

Missing cat poster
It's always so disturbing
Where _is that poster?

I'm writing lyrics
for a song I've never heard
it goes just like this.

Paranoid friend says:
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trans-Afghanistan_Pipeline"> "trans-Afghanistan pipeline"</a>
like it's a _bad thing

An F-22
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F-22">costs four hundred million bucks</a>
That's too much money

They get oil from
those " I " countries, with soldiers
from all those " I " states

Her grace disrupts me
Unbroken dishes - laughter
all these tearless years

We discuss again
buying things only the poor
can afford to buy

I slept in the snow
disturbed dreams of the absurd
of some dignity

She said I was a
'Sociophobe' - as if it
was not a good thing

Hussein's last meal
Hot water laced with honey
He had when a child

Found Haiku - Overheard Starbucks Order

"<I>Iced Decaf Triple
Grande Vanilla Non-fat
Skim with whip latte</I>"

KFC is most
requested final meal
<a href="http://deadmaneating.com/">of death row inmates</a>

So do you need this?
An 'insecurity code'
to erase Haikus?

Isn't it funny?
Anagrams of palindromes
are so similar?

"Security code
required for posting haiku"
And composing too?

Here is our problem
Search/rescue plane is missing
We should have bought two

So the good guys use
unimprovised explosives
and not improvised

A javelin judge
Until his untimely death
At disabled games....

After he left her
He found he'd left a sad, curt
Unfinished poem

"evil veil" means what?
Dumb dyslexic ouija board
Fiancee not pleased

Hangings and lynchings
History tells us, can lead to
Lynchings and Hangings

Found this new news feed
Fair, balanced, accurate news
Like _that's going to sell?

k e y b o a r d i s b r o k e n
h a v e s w i t c h e d t o t h e t y p e w r i t e r
D e l e t e i s w h i t e o u t

Just 10 years ago
Janis made us a canvas
<A HREF="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/v/voltaire106566.html">"Love is a canvas."</A>

So - Mucous membranes
Alcaloids, pink coloured parts
Those can obsess you

Being ten years old
This solice space of Haiku
Still urgent, still still

Poisened antidotes
These so-broken fail-safes:
Poetry and love.

Death in the family
Boss says "So?" Funeral leave?
She says "Well....okay"

lucid and concise
quaint pre-post modern concepts
or not. Whatever

reverse Turing test
jcaptcha gnirut routine
traps robot poets

Living in Paris
is a sine qua non of
Loving in Paris

This neat'o veto
at the UN, it's just so
Staining. Abstaining

The G8 is great
Like Bilderberg or Davos
Star chambers are cool!

What if you are wrong?
well, okay, more like 'wrongish'
Like Dick Cheney's heart?

There's one golden rule
"Don't start land wars in Asia"
There. Is that so hard?

Poets are liars
Haikuists tell only truth
Odd that both are true

We are so lonely
Lonely - we live as we breathe
As we breathe, alone

Wicca solstice day
The goat is not behaving
I leave the knives blunt

Tiananmen square
June 4th - so we protest on
the graves at Kent State

Ishaqi murders
Five children, four women
Their hearts are past shame?

<I>Found Haiku no. 1 = Donald Rumsfeld</I>

"It is easier
to get into something than
to get out of it."

We could fight about
agreeing to disagree
Or not. Whatever

The poet's two friends.
His readers and his critics
Not in that order

You need just two skills
First love, then literacy
Then numeracy

I write a satire
it's about a parody
about irony

Last caller's number
I could call start sixty nine
or the NSA

Barbara Tuchman wrote
Wars are the unfolding of
Miscalculations

So, Gaza, Darfur
Paris? You know, it's a pain
Vacation planning

Watch. I learned this trick
I just....oh damn!...just pretend
that didn't happen

All librarians
They hate the books - and they love?
Every index card

Power to punish
Power to cure, educate
Pretty much the same

Sure, you try to put
wings on a pig - it doesn't
make it an eagle

False friends - like ivy
They both decay and ruin
the walls they embrace

My southern neighbours
They build way too many walls
Not enough bridges

A life of errands
Two respites, panging longings
for her; for Paris

U.S., my parents
Alike, not 'dysfunctional'
but 'afunctional'

You know what is?
Americans are boring.
There. I just said it.

Your mom is so thin
She runs around the shower
To get herself wet

Walls, of Hadrian
China, Berlin, Isreal
Korea, U.S.

They bombed Korea
bombed Japan, bombed Viet Nam
Gonna bomb Iran

Life and Death and Jane
She wrote of all - changed the world
Shalom Jane Jacobs

Flying to Trenton
Going to see mom - tell her
I love her. I died

To skirl of bagpipes
Dust, our blood and our tears dance
Who wrote this ballet?

Shell games with war dead
Is a macabre past time
Of these souless men

Oh, Peace Tower dove
Still your tears for our war dead
You, not them, our guide

They hid the coffins
Shame, for our Knights at Dieppe
Doves cry at Vimy

Found Haiku no. 1 - Albert Camus
<BR>
<I>"Man is the only
creature that refuses this
to be what he is"</I>

Our Easter service
Like hollow chocolate bunny
Empty - bad for you

First Sunday after
First full moon after vernal
equinox - Yeah. Right...

'Undead Messiah'
'Zombie Jesus' thing is sick
And really funny

Easter - 'Hot crossed-buns'
On sale in the gay ghetto
Where do you file that?

When you 'hang' a man
Irregular verb; past tense
He is 'hanged', not 'hung'

Israeli dairy
The "Cheeses of Nazareth"
Jesus, that's Krafty^TM

What is the half-life
Of a Tehran centrifuge?
Iran's oil bourse?

This obfuscation
Science and art - or perhaps
I'm not being clear

Resurrection cult
Holidays are great - you get:
Blood; nails; chocolate

Today I discard:
My religion- my belief
Honest. Swear to God.

Planted bulbs last fall
200 or more - and now?
A pallet of grace

Awkward emotions
Boss's erotic writing
Disturbingly great

Elton John sings <I>"Hold
me closer Tony Danza"</I>
Think he might be gay?

T. S. Eliot
You would have to tear his books
from my ragged claws

Heisenberg in love
<I>Turbulent motion of fluids?</I>
You can't be certain

Dyslexic lovers
Their love is never having
To yes your sorrow

Damn vacuum's broken
Place looks filthy. So I buy
low wattage light bulbs

Angry fat and rich
War monger amnesiacs
Now who could that be?

During the blackout
Senses highten and fears grow
Moreso when you're blind

Fallen through the ice
Shudder - look up in terror
my own reflection

I go beer hunting
With Dick Cheney. My advice
Better to duck hunt

Don't write a poem
Write its shadow. Lose yourself
Lost, like tears in rain

Metapoetry
Really doesn't lend itself
to the Haiku form

'Anagram poem'
Through Haiku shuffle - becomes
'A rag man poem'

So, does mean mean 'mean'?
Mode, median, average?
or more, 'Just plain mean'?

Haiku hommage à /apologies to Umberto Eco

Literary texts
suggest fields of meaning.
Not strings of meaning.

How the weather is
How the weather used to be
How do we ignore?

I think we need more
Common human decency
and less abstract "love"

Vlad said fascism
is just capitalism
only in decay

We're so desperate
for this: an anesthetic
against loneliness.

When it is time to
hang the capitalists, they
will sell us the rope.

Workers of the World
Unite. You have nothing to
lose but your chains eh?

Baby seal hunt
"Maxwell's Hammer" through the skull
McCartney hates this

I'm _not paranoid
They scan my haikus. But they
can't break my crypto

"It's all fun and games"
Neurotic mom screams. "until...
you poke an eye out!"

"SLOW SLOW QUICK QUICK SLOW"
Tango coach reveals to us
the forbidden dance

Lick tears from her neck
Taste of perfume, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ambergris"> ambergris</A>
She weeps for dead whales

They use mind control
They're making me paranoid
Don't say you don't know

You catch red herrings
Down at the McGuffin Lake
Sushi plot device

Mark grade eight poems
One more <I>"Horses running free"</I>
I'll gouge my eyes out

She: "I go in spurts."
Me: "That is _so ironic!
I'm the opposite!"

Time flies like arrows
<I>Tempus Fugit</I> - So? Fruitflies
Like a banana

Day one, God makes light
He makes the sun _after that
You see a problem?

<I>Untitled - Palindrome Haiku IV </I>

Eros live! I did.
Did Rose, not a tone - sordid?
Did I? Evil; sore

Help me spell something
How do you spell 'mnemonic'?
Some memory aid?

Baghdad museum
Looted, voided nothingness
Fear, and shock, and awe

This nihilism
What? Is nothing sacred?
I'm drawing a blank.

Fearing fear itself
Bush's foreign policy
<I>Nothing</I> becomes <I>Fear</userdefined>

Phobophobia
Is it psychosomatic?
Fear is fear itself.

Kyoto curling
katabatic winds endure
making ice hard, HARD!

He surfs off Scily
Silly sharks and Englishmen
Basking in coldness

No, he didn't surf
Katsushika Hokusai
These things go in waves

This dyslexia
It no is matter laughing
Cure for be can found

Semaphore haiku
\./ _./ \. ._ - "Five more! Seven more! Five more!"
\ /
Aerobic meter

Listen up Cheney
The phrase is 'The buck stops here'
_Not: 'The buckshot's here'

parthenogenic
Like Christ and 'Whip-Tail Lizards'
Both clones of their mom