Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 188 Days and 77101 Haiku later...

That is good because
your vomit inspires me to
write more bad haiku

So carry on
Haiku # 50685, January 7, 2014 12:23 pm ET
by Meandingo
Your haiku are bad.
I mean really fucking bad.
They make me vomit.
Haiku # 50684, January 7, 2014 10:01 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Prefer hot or cold?
Difficult to chose. Too much
of either, you lose.
Haiku # 50683, January 6, 2014 10:20 pm ET
by Mandingo
frozenobyte @cenobyte
Wow! Is that more snow?
Winter forecasts are a bitch.
Snow, Cold, Cold, Snow, Fuck.
Haiku # 50682, January 6, 2014 3:51 pm ET
by cenobyte of Regina, Saskatchewan
Hey. Turn up the heat.
Motherfucking feet are blue
God, I hate winter.
Haiku # 50681, January 6, 2014 3:50 pm ET
by cenobyte of Regina
They will not eat us.
Think about the foreign germs.
We'd give them the runs.
Haiku # 50680, January 6, 2014 9:22 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I want to believe
Others from another world
Won't want to eat us
Haiku # 50679, January 6, 2014 12:50 am ET
by Mandingo
UFO Utube
Pure truth documentary
deep conspiracy
Haiku # 50678, January 5, 2014 11:55 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
so you're trying to
tell me that dark matter is
shit? that would explain

quite a bit
Haiku # 50677, January 5, 2014 2:57 am ET
by vhs
What is wrong with me?!?!
That was an eight, seven, five.
I'm just a douchebag

that cannot count.

Hey, look at me... I'm imitating someone else who can't fit their haiku in standard form.... I'm so cool!...

What do you call it when a douchebag imitates a dingleberry?
..
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Stupid!

I'm it ation that is not flattery is called sarcasm that goes splattery like the runs, I'm having funs with my incontinent buns. It doesn't fecal matter. Dark fecal matter. Call Carl Sagan, oh shit, he's dead. But he was hot when he lived. I'd have tapped that ass... filled him up with billions of billons .... just kidding.

Is it insanity if you know you're insane?
Haiku # 50676, January 4, 2014 7:21 pm ET
by Poetry is not art if it contains the word fart.
Seven, Seven, five.
Oops! Send me back to preschool.
Will they change Depends?

What's does an old man taste like?
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..
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Depends!
Haiku # 50675, January 4, 2014 7:07 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Mandingleberry Ebola.
Toxic skidmarks stain my soul.
Right next to my hole.
Haiku # 50674, January 4, 2014 7:02 pm ET
by Puts me in the mood for choclolate covered raisins. of Dingleberry heaven
Dingleberry pie
Complete with douchebag icing
Simply delicious
Haiku # 50673, January 4, 2014 1:54 pm ET
by Mandingleberry of Colorado
Ditto! So you can please
take your own Goddamned advice.
And shut the fuck up!

Keep your opinions.
Shove them way deep up your ass.
Maybe they will sprout.

What tree would then grow?
It's a dingleberry tree!
You'd own an orchard!

Because of all the tiny little opinions you throw at ppl, each a seed planted in your fat old lilly-white ass growing a giant dingleberry tree!

Opinions are like assholes-- we've all got them and no one wants to hear yours.
Haiku # 50672, January 4, 2014 11:49 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Shame may make you feel
Only pain makes someone real
So then squeal pig squeal
Haiku # 50671, January 4, 2014 2:29 am ET
by Mandingo of Colorado
I swallow my teeth
Fighting devils deep beneath
Come on up suckers
Haiku # 50670, January 4, 2014 2:23 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola of Euritheristerithuanh
So I had sex with
Phyllis Diller in a boat
I am not ashamed
Haiku # 50669, January 3, 2014 9:56 pm ET
by Actually I don't know her
I'm tired of you
stop answering me, i want you
to become silent
Haiku # 50668, January 3, 2014 11:41 am ET
by vhs
it takes two baby
and I don't wanna play with this
I might catch sumetin
Haiku # 50667, January 3, 2014 11:38 am ET
by vhs
You'll shut up when you learn all you have to do is get fucked.
Haiku # 50666, January 3, 2014 9:02 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
you're fucked when i learn all i have to do is shut up
Haiku # 50665, January 2, 2014 10:28 pm ET
by vhs
The basement is nice.
Try sleeping under a bridge.
Or abandoned house.
Haiku # 50664, January 2, 2014 9:30 pm ET
by Don't worry, Jesus still loves you.
observation, as we
get older we don't give a shit
or give too much of one

system overflows
still lives in the basement
added up to nothing
Haiku # 50663, January 2, 2014 3:12 pm ET
by vhs
I showed some restraint.
At least I didn't post pics!
...Google image search.

EEWWWW LOL! NASTY!!!
Haiku # 50662, January 2, 2014 10:47 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
No! Not that! Please no!
I'll do anything! Don't go!
Really! I mean it!
Haiku # 50661, January 2, 2014 10:35 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I have a strange feeling if I leave
you're going to be the only person posting here for a while
Haiku # 50660, January 2, 2014 10:27 am ET
by vhs
Yes, butt-chugging's gross.
College kids do it mostly.
Look it up, it's real.

Real gross, that's to say.
Can't handle reality?
Then you go away.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/09/25/us/tennessee-fraternity-suspended/index.html

Alcohol poison
Through an anal enema
What fun, Kappa Delts!
Haiku # 50659, January 2, 2014 9:06 am ET
by Butt Chugging Paint Thinner
Stau si ma uitam pe net si cautam un site de socializate pentru persoane ca noi seropozitive si am realizat ca nu se gasesc. Asa nu face decat sa ma intristeze caci suntem multi care ne dorim sa ne inprietenim si piate chiar o relatie mai stransa. Eu caut inca jumatatea pot spune despre mine ca norocul in veata nu prea ma ocolit dar nici nu ma insotit pre mult, pote nici nu iam acordat prea multe sanse.
Haiku # 50658, January 2, 2014 7:18 am ET
by flagyl of USA
dude, you just ruined
the website for me with that post
i wish you'd go away
Haiku # 50657, January 2, 2014 1:01 am ET
by vhs
I done got fucked up!
Butt-guzzled some paint thinner.
My farts smell like pine.

What a hangover!
And I shat out three tumors.
A cure for cancer?
Haiku # 50656, January 2, 2014 12:19 am ET
by Butt-guzzling is a lost art.
she said you can't talk
about religion or sex
or politics, a

classic housewife
of course, which is why most things
on the air are food
Haiku # 50655, January 1, 2014 8:08 pm ET
by vhs
Resolve to evolve
beyond the need to respond
to shitty drivers
Haiku # 50654, January 1, 2014 7:33 pm ET
by Herbie of DenCo
what if one types the
following "baahaiku.com?"
file not found error

(new year's start)
resolutions anyone?
Haiku # 50653, January 1, 2014 12:14 pm ET
by vhs
One more shitty year.
It ends with a muffled flush.
I, for one, am glad.

Seven syllables:
Explosive diarrhea.
Did I spell that right?

What to do this night?
I'll dress up my favorite pig
with lipstick and gown.

And shoot fireworks
at the neighbors' wooden roof.
I be so evil.

Fuck, I hate Win 8.
I mean, Vista was better!
At least it's no Mac.
Haiku # 50652, December 31, 2013 4:01 pm ET
by df
the universe does
not keep time or calendars
time is relative

happy new year
Haiku # 50651, December 31, 2013 1:32 pm ET
by vhs
another year gone
just another day over
like all of the rest
Haiku # 50650, December 31, 2013 6:40 am ET
by ash
such tired poetry
iamback pentameters
that need to take five
Haiku # 50649, December 30, 2013 5:03 am ET
by ash
Hey that one guy thinks he's a joker talking smak about someone imitating me. Anyone who helps me perpetuate the great gayness of their anus and having a StarWars themed wedding back inna day is good with me! w00t! w00t!
Haiku # 50648, December 29, 2013 2:21 pm ET
by iamback
Balls ,Nippress Ash in gay StarWars Wedding back inna day. w00t! Jan-ass the Hutt officiating and the boyz as StormPooper and Darth Gaydar. w00t!
Haiku # 50647, December 29, 2013 2:19 pm ET
by iamback
Ash Nippress connection equals gay homosexuals.....
Haiku # 50646, December 29, 2013 2:18 pm ET
by iamback
i bring you presents
our relationship is short
then i go away
Haiku # 50645, December 28, 2013 4:56 am ET
by john frum of ex vanuatu
If I watch candles
Will you pay me with angry
Donkey cough money?
Haiku # 50644, December 28, 2013 3:40 am ET
by Frasier of Seattle
No!
That's dumb
Why should we?
You should do it first.
After all, it's your idea.

Oh shit! I just did it. Well played you clever bastard.
Haiku # 50643, December 27, 2013 9:40 pm ET
by Barney Miller of New York
Let's get higher than
John Denver on a jet plane
Except for he's dead.
Haiku # 50642, December 27, 2013 9:29 pm ET
by Fonzie of Milwaukee
So, I guess this "iamback" chap has a grudge or something and I can respect that and the fact that he's a vulgar bastard, but I mean, every post he makes is damn near identical.... nipress and ash being in a gay Star Wars wedding or something, and I'm like... "that sounds pretty cool actually," so what the fuck does this dingleberry do in his spare time besides hopping from website to website making bad jokes and.... fuck. I think I'll go finish my next novel now. Thank you "iamback" for being a nice mirror.

I think next we should have Fibonacci haiku... 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, ... that could be fun. Anyone?

LOL... my captcha is "fword senren" FWORD... that's funny! God playing tricks on my again.
Haiku # 50641, December 27, 2013 1:44 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
You're either Gen-X
or else you are not Gen-X.
So which then are you?

"Only a sith deals in absolutes."
--Old Been Wanna Futtbucki.
Haiku # 50640, December 27, 2013 1:25 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
How was your Christmas?
Did you give lots of presents?
I, for one, did not.

Did you praise Jesus?
Did you get down on your knees?
Were you touched by God?

This Christmas I was
re-convinced that God hates me
with great certainty.

"He shat down upon
me with a great vengeance and
furious anger.

And thus I looked up
and received an eyefull of
holy brown feces."

But it could have been worse.
I could be in a hearse (again).
re-hearse (sin).
(Sit and spin).

Did anyone ever have a sit-and-spin toy? Remember those?

Haiku # 50639, December 27, 2013 12:59 pm ET
by Generation XXX
Oh! I get it now!
"Gen X" is just the gen that
does not care at all.

And "Gen Pre-X" cares
so much about everything.
Even gen-x-ers.

We all care so much!
No, really, I'm serious!
... 'Scuse me, gotta poop.

Okay, I'm gack now.
Christ I stank up the bathroom.
What was I saying?

Oh well, who cares. ;-)
Haiku # 50638, December 27, 2013 12:47 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Please define "gen X".
I mean, what the fuck is that?
You arrogant prick.
Haiku # 50637, December 27, 2013 12:39 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
generation x ?
you underestimate me
or at least my age
Haiku # 50636, December 27, 2013 2:00 am ET
by ash
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