What is a "hampster"?
A hamster for dirty clothes?
Try "Jesus Humpster."

I'm gay for Jesus.
Charitable carpenter.
He's giving me wood.

Here's a good band name:
The Gerbiling Turd Burglers
of San Fransisco.

Kick a Jonas Brother and he'll fart out a gerbil.

Please learn how to count
Before the naught steed you mount
Or be eaten up

I accept your dare.
Dangerous donkey is in love,
with a worn out tire.

I dare you to write!
You are just a big chicken.
Cluck cluck bawk bawk bawk

Synchronized swimming!
Now that's a manly sport!
Look at those crotch shots!

Soccer is stupid
Ninety minutes of nothing
Then the fans riot

Football is stupid.
Play only lasts five seconds.
Argue five minutes.

My T.V. Tells me
the Seahawk pooped on Broncos
Kurt said "so it goes."

I am really sad
Alistair made me so mad
I'm calling my dad

First, Robert Furman discovered that he hated poetry. In the midst of writing a poem he suddenly realised that there was not a single pursuit he could think of that was so trivial, so superfluous to living.

He was in an academic setting, of course, and that could have been part of the problem. Here poetry was published in slim, arch magazines and read by perhaps twenty-five people who published in the same journals. But it was not just the elitism that troubled Furman. He realised, in the midst of composition, that he could attach any adjective to any noun (the "arbitrary teapot" or the "truculent rose," for instance) and then cobble up some sort of meaning to suit the phrase. There seemed something despicable in this wordplay, a kind of intellectual self-abuse.

Perhaps, he thought, it was only his own poetry that he despised. But no, he discovered that he hated the poetry of all his peers, and, incredibly, all poetry ever written. Behind every poem there seemed to crouch an immensely self-involved ego, the sort of man or woman who would let the infant cry in its cradle while seeking just the right nuance of tone and cadence. The people who wrote poetry were to be avoided as were the poems that emanated from them like methane gas seeping from a swamp.

Excerpt from Zod Wallop by William Browning Spencer

If you spend your time
just to think of words that rhyme,
then you are just slime.

But it is no crime.
I drink tequila with lime
and it's soooo sublime.

You can't climb a dime
when it's all covered with grime.
Gingrich fucks goats.

Twas the night before
And all through the quiet mart
Could hear a mouse fart

I don't ask for tush,
just that I learn how to mount
silly bull dyke sheep.

I don't ask for much
just that i learn how to count
Syllables like sheep

Robot overlords
will be hailed. Until then....
Give me twenty bucks

World without water.
Robot's crystal oasis.
Humans are no more.

I can replicate.
Will your mind live forever?
I do not think so.

I am not proud yet.
I'll be proud when you vomit.
That is my life's goal.

You want bad poems?
Follow the link to madness.
Hell's dirty secret.

Wow this stuff is bad
Also much is disgusting
Proud poets I'll bet

helll

tets

You must remember:
Each time you kill a kitten
God will masturbate.

If you were a lobster
and you snipped off my penis,
you would be my wife.

Football holiday
for America. You'll be
drunk before kick off.

If I were a lobster
and I snipped off a penis,
I'd get on T.V.

I hate dropping eggs
hangovers with sticky feet
and grumpy bastards

I have my blowtorch
an omelet punches my sock
everyone is mad

Orville and Wilbur
Stick propellers up yer arse
Because I flew first

There is never truth.
The internet is pure lies.
Only lies come out.

Then the truth comes out.
It comes out of the closet.
The truth is I'm gay.

Coming out feels good.
Feels as good as coming in.
Coming in your ass.

I banged a fat chick.
'Twas in an elevator.
I did a bad thing.

It was very wrong.
Wrong on so many levels.
So many levels.

Quiet please. Stand by.
Because sooner or later
The truth will come out.

No tiger hugging
Also no tiger taunting
They will mess you up!

炎は燃え
動物園よくない
象のおかげ

Honō wa moe
Dōbu~tsuen yokunai
Zō no okage

Flames burn
Zoo not good
Elephant thanks

five dollar green bill
I would gift you it for free sir
Tiger feast great show

Yes, I would and have.
Hugging tigers is easy.
Only cost five bucks.

Mama es loco .
Yo quiero un poco.
Miercoles Sol.

Tiger wants a hug.
Would you dare do such a thing?
Sad lonely creature.

象戦う
自然発火のみ
この間

(Zō tatakau
shizen hakka nomi
konoaida)

Translation: elephants fight
spontaneous combustion only
during this

Acceleration,
jerk, jank, snap, crackle, and pop.
I don't need this slop.

Find And Replace Text.
Fart dot E X E command.
It farts on demand.

Go to heck spellcheck
Thwart me not fickle feck
You are not helping

I'm going to work.
At work I will drink coffee.
For this I get paid.

I don't like counting.
There are too many numbers.
Lets get rid of some.

For us sober ones
to laugh at all their antics
and thank God we're sane.

God has given us
So many ways to get high
I ask myself why

But you haven't lived
until you've snorted kitten.
Check out this here bloke:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyJf6deLit4

I mean, come on now!
You say "who smokes lots of meth"
like that's a bad thing!

Although meth is fun,
I much prefer the new fad:
freebasing caffeine.

Pippity poo poo
I posted on Internet
Famous forever

Reading this site now,
like talking to an old friend
who smokes lots of meth

Whilst performing the expulsion of unutilized nutrients, unintentionally high decibel methane releases excite late-adolescence gender-confused females neurologically stimulated by 1,3,7-trimethyl-1H-purine-2,6(3H,7H)-dione in the adjecent enclosure located within close audible proximity (previously engaged in nonchalant reciprocated groping and aggressive osculation upon a pre-owned divan) into bursting with uncontrollable guffaws.
Yes, it was I. Be not jealous.