Cigarette Machine
Cough up the booty, robot!
Way back in the day

Wonka wonka woo
Now thrusting dance on table
Crashing to the floor

Relax. Visualize.
Captain and Tenille screwing
Muskrat in rear end

Cancan dancers kick
Who opened the tuna fish?
From row seats fishy

Gates of Good Fortune
Wide open like your sister
Without the fish smell

Camel had a toe
Hot sand. Million miles to go
Dry hump Dry hump hump

Word in name congealed
Left a bad taste in your mouth
Find nearest spittoon

Dickens cider

Trying to get some
Dickens

Great Expectations
Dissolved by reality
VeneREAL LIFE

Dickensian twins . . .
their names: Ignorance and Want.
Did you mean those two?

Abuse and Neglect
Expecting twins? Perfect names.
Congratulations!

Come see my belle chose
Give the lotion. Give the hose.
C'est la vie en rose

A fragrant French whore
beckons me to approach
and empty my balls

I ain't no sex doll
I'm the Michelin Tire Man
Got rubbers covered

That sex-joke punchline:
Those two inflatable dolls
Wait. Let me think first

It's necessary.
Submit to my bad haiku.
Submit to Islam.

Yo it aint like dat . . .
aint like dat at ALL, gnome sain?
People be like: damn.

Oh bright liquid fire
Temple elixir of bliss . . .
what was I saying ?

Oh haiku maidens
Oh ye nine mini-muses
Draw near and inspire

Hey all you damn kids
Get the hell out of my yard.
This is MY haiku

Word in Name concealed.
Let her slip or got her peeled:
Hannah Banana !

Poetry Robot
Annual lubrication
Non-friction section

Been laid up with piles
Couldn

Name in word revealed
Reeled in an eel. Electric.
Oh that was so real

Name in word revealed:
re-revealed in veal cutlet
vegan veggie veal

Too late just caint stop
haiku-itis got my soul
OH LORDY! Help me

Asinine Donkey !
Lick my assurance of fame.
Bear my burden, beast.

Ma haiku homies
I'm a send them roun u place
bust u fukin haid

just type and type and
type and type and type and type,
then count syllables

The new year arrives
filled with harmonious joy:
Thunderous dark fart

Orifice of doom
Filthy oracular hole:
your poetic mouth

Oh poets! New wine
New snowstorms of crystal verse . . .
New disposable

Gary Busey fart
It's been known to clear a room
Guacamole Time

Stay Tuned. coming Soon.
Chinese year of the long pig
Might as well bend over

Hail twenty-nineteen;
a new year to get buried
in Figpucker's waste.

Go ahead, do it
Reach way down in my pocket
Misshapen Werthers

Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt

Dick Clark back to work!
Ghoul Balls filled with Lust
Midnight Comes Ghoul Dust

Customer Service
I

Dick Clark awakens
Shake off the dusty dirt nap
Like, Rut-Ro SCOOBY!

Haiku will save us.
Haiku is the last frontier.
Haiku for freedom.

That old New York Times
crumpled up into a ball:
Great firestarter

end of this stale year
start of yet another one
whoop de fucking do

He's such a foul mess
Genesis: Peas porridge hot
Peas porridge cold

Bone spurs bone spurs ouch
Bone spurs bone spurs ouch boo Hoo
The best bone spurs (whine)

Injured on the job?
Writer's cramp from Bad Haiku?
Call our Hotline NOW!

Y'all are crazy here
I write poems that make sense
Is this real haiku?

I

Pronounced erection
Possible priapism
Willing, Wet walrus