BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
308 Days
and
65952 Haikus
later...
Going for goat milk.
Craving me some real dairy.
Maybe I'm preggers!
Haiku #65952, by
September 17, 2019 5:17 am ET

Nobody expects
the Spanish Inquisition.
Nor sardine lattes.
Haiku #65951, by
September 17, 2019 5:15 am ET

Ghost pepper latte.
Unexpected beverage.
Predictable itch.
Haiku #65950, by I love ordering the ghost pepper sardine garlic latte at Starbucks. of Especially when there's a long line.
September 17, 2019 5:11 am ET

Pumpkin Spice Latte
Predictable beverage
Predictable bitch
Haiku #65949, by Shouldn't drink coffee of Seattle
September 17, 2019 3:26 am ET

My cock stopped breathing
So I gave it mouth to mouth
And injured my back
Haiku #65948, by know CPR
September 17, 2019 1:42 am ET

My wife is a corpse
Yet the bitch still sucks my dick
That's entertainment
Haiku #65947, by tsemen tsunami
September 17, 2019 12:43 am ET

Hello there.
Haiku #65946, by
September 16, 2019 10:04 pm ET

"Is this offensive?"
The man showed us a picture
of his spread ass cheeks.

"No, good sir, that's art!"
We didn't want to be rude.
He became famous.
Haiku #65945, by
September 16, 2019 8:14 pm ET

Blippi needs a huge cock up his ass.
Seriously.
Haiku #65944, by Anonymous Poet
September 16, 2019 6:23 pm ET

Today my penis fell off and onto my shoe.
So I picked up and reattached it with glue.
But then as I did my hand fell off too.
Now when I get an erection, I wave "yoo hoo",
my hand stuck to it with super glue.
What will you do if I wave it at you?

Would you laugh, or scream, or run away?
Maybe you'll like it, maybe you'll stay.
Maybe you want to be amputee fisted.
Shit, I'm twisted.
Blacklisted bastard.
Evade Dave is Evade Dave backward.
Haiku #65943, by
September 16, 2019 6:21 pm ET

Hello there.
Haiku #65942, by
September 16, 2019 6:11 pm ET

I'd like to see a global infestation of worms.
It would, of course, be called "Global Worming".
Parasitic worms of all shapes and sizes taking over the planet.
Because, when you think about it, they deserve it more than we do.
Hug a tape worm today.
Haiku #65941, by
September 16, 2019 6:11 pm ET

Its hot as fuck now
Clouds hate you more than you know
Tell them to suck it
Haiku #65940, by WTF Weather of Not sure �
September 16, 2019 3:04 pm ET

Mugabe dessert:
Africa flambee'd in rum:
Red rum, red rum. Red.
Haiku #65939, by Kijongo Mvumakijikoliwili of pronounceable names
September 16, 2019 11:58 am ET

Hello there.
Haiku #65938, by
September 16, 2019 3:34 am ET

That is just not true.
Werther's candy still exists.
Here's the ugly truth.

Grandpa hated you.
The ugliest grandson.
He left out of shame.

So your parents lied.
He told me this over beer.
So I know it's true.
Haiku #65937, by
September 16, 2019 3:34 am ET

Grandpa wiped a year
There were no more Werther's left
So he killed himself
Haiku #65936, by The of End
September 16, 2019 1:43 am ET

Hello there.
Haiku #65935, by
September 16, 2019 1:10 am ET

Once upon a time...
a poet had Alzheimer's.
So I guess "The End."
Haiku #65934, by
September 16, 2019 1:00 am ET

It was raining dead prostitutes.
The perverts had a heyday.
So did the canibals.
The frogs were upset.
They just wanted some real rain.
So they could fuck, of course.
Haiku #65933, by
September 16, 2019 12:57 am ET

It will not come out.
I'm trying to shit a brick.
The baby's crying.
Haiku #65932, by Clinched sphincter and constipation. of I need Fiber One.
September 15, 2019 8:22 pm ET

Hello there.
Haiku #65931, by
September 15, 2019 8:19 pm ET

I just got dessert.
Chocolate mousse with espresso.
Just like Mugabe.
Haiku #65930, by
September 15, 2019 8:19 pm ET

Robert Mugabe:
Now the once-great dictator
Gets his just desserts.
Haiku #65929, by Mfulemi Kijungawili of Copenhagen
September 15, 2019 12:55 pm ET

Hello there.
Haiku #65928, by
September 15, 2019 4:38 am ET

I have been told that
the aliens monitor
and rate each haiku

according to its
intensity of badness.
They won't tell me why.
Haiku #65927, by
September 15, 2019 4:37 am ET

Unsure what to do?
Rhyming haiku stick with you.
Much like super glue.
Haiku #65926, by
September 15, 2019 4:27 am ET

The stink of the dink,
be it purple, red, or pink,
means you should take zinc.

I think, therefore I spam.

Online zinc supplements and Viagra.
onlinestinkydinkpillsfromcanada.com
Haiku #65925, by
September 15, 2019 4:25 am ET

They made a mistake
And wished they were sea monkeys
And they got their wish
Haiku #65924, by Casual Observer of Behind binoculars
September 14, 2019 6:47 pm ET

I will rend your limbs.
You will be a pile of blood
After this haiku
Haiku #65923, by Chingis Khan of Mongolia
September 14, 2019 6:16 pm ET

I'ma git me some...
Some a dat BAD BAD haiku.
What I'm talkin' bout.
Haiku #65922, by Tyrone in a Fine Cadillac of 42nd Street in the 70s
September 14, 2019 8:31 am ET

So Cal, so go surf.
Mavericks would be awesome.
Just kidding; don't die.
Haiku #65921, by
September 14, 2019 7:26 am ET

I'm back in SoCal
But I won't be here too long
Just biding my time.
Haiku #65920, by mean d. of So Cal
September 14, 2019 2:32 am ET

Your life is pointless.
I mean, just look at yourself.
You read bad haiku!
Haiku #65919, by Victim of the Glaringly Obvious. of Make it Stop!
September 13, 2019 6:29 pm ET

Actually, Adam
made his own banana stand
And Eve snatched it up
Haiku #65918, by Bible beater of Undisclosed
September 13, 2019 4:06 pm ET

No bed of roses
Honey, while you were sleeping
I pruned your manhood
Haiku #65917, by True Story of In the news
September 13, 2019 2:52 am ET

These pistachios
God made something so tasty
Intestine shrapnel
Haiku #65916, by like I must be nuts of Nuthouse
September 13, 2019 2:24 am ET

Eve was handy too
Made the first banana stand
Adam snatched it up
Haiku #65915, by Bible beater of Garden
September 13, 2019 2:17 am ET

Jesus Christ is a
charitable carpenter
and he gives me wood.
Haiku #65914, by Gay for Jesus
September 13, 2019 1:57 am ET

Can't find the right words
To tell you in this poem
So I will just fart
Haiku #65913, by Gasbag of Methane Lane
September 13, 2019 1:07 am ET

This does not make sense.
If it made sense, you'd read it.
Stop licking the screen.

That won't get you high.
Try vinegar latte shots.
Attacked by purple.

She will not fuck you.
Not vaginally I mean.
Break dance battle whore.
Haiku #65912, by Anonymous Poet
September 12, 2019 11:53 pm ET

What could I tell you
that you haven't heard before.
Sardine-stuffed gold flute.
Haiku #65911, by Bouree with a side of flounder
September 12, 2019 11:48 pm ET

Claustrophobia
For the midget I sat on
At the Bingo Hall
Haiku #65910, by Polly Esther Pantz of No ventilation
September 12, 2019 11:35 pm ET

Refresh each minute.
I must have the last haiku
when the earth explodes.
Haiku #65909, by
September 12, 2019 11:25 pm ET

Avocado toast
Three cheers for this funny fruit
Let's all drink to that
Haiku #65908, by Drunk of Barstool
September 12, 2019 11:25 pm ET

Head on collision
one last duck face selfie, please
You've got it in you
Haiku #65907, by Person of Picking up intestines on highway
September 12, 2019 11:22 pm ET

Robber Mugabe
Whoops! Sorry I meant Robert...
Trashed his own country.

Zimbabwe's lyin--
Sorry, meant to say lion...
Now more a dead dog.
Haiku #65906, by Memories of Rhodesia
September 12, 2019 8:47 pm ET

No fucking way man.
Not giving up my necklace.
"Beef" jerky jewelry.
Haiku #65905, by df
September 12, 2019 8:34 pm ET

Somalia called.
Their women want their clits back.
I sent them to Darth.
Haiku #65904, by Sheikh of the Desert Wastes
September 12, 2019 7:04 pm ET

Do not suck his "dink"!
You will get botulism.
Among other things.
Haiku #65903, by Clostridium botulinum of Zellweger's revenge.
September 12, 2019 4:55 pm ET