She served me coffee
And leaned down low on the bar
Her boobs! Outstanding!

That Mexican girl
Has the Azz of a Goddess
And the soul of a Angel

Curtain of thick fog
Won't be caught wanking today
Blow jizz all over

Cool beans amazeballs
Gwynneth Paltrow's steamed scrod cunt
Indescribable

So lovely her face
Just one look can break your heart
Do not lose your mind.

Drank all of the beer
In Japan and Korea
Now its black coffee

Used to roam the world
Now a beat up old bastard
Never leave the yard

Used to roam the world
Now a best up old bastard
Never leave the yard

Haunted damn condo
Every thing broken
Every fooking day

I hear it a lot
but what does it really mean:
Weaponized Autism?

The same old same old...
Same farts in elevators.
Dude--get over it.

I can see it now
Dinosaurs of the old world
Having relations

Woot woot!

As rare as hens' teeth
Good old fashioned poetry
Every poet stinks

Who runs this web site
Probably old Juggaloes
Ringing Sevice Bell

I'm so excited
I won first place this weekend
Smelly Ass Award

Packed in like sardines
Stench in the elevator
I farted HA HA!

Yanking it so hard
Can

Hansel and Gretel
Left a Diarrhea Trail
Wiped their bums with bread

Follow the doot trail
Stinky long and winding road
Leads me to your door

Your mind. Only that
would I consider as a
primitive toilet.

Primitive toilet
Trusty, well-used guff bucket
My prized possession

Took a flying fuck
There goes that rolling doughnut
You missed it again

My Calvin Klein jeans
How many doughnuts ago?
Think I'll have one more

Hegelian lies:
Education will save us.
We are all born good.

The street was closed off
Running off the Syllables
Like they do in Spain

What's that they all say
Catching more flies with honey?
How 'bout close your legs

Haiku-less weekend?
Get your poetry ON, people.
Verse won't wait for you.

That Rita Hayworth . . .
I am watching her right now:
nineteen forty-six.

The sunlight beam shone.
Window panes allowed it in.
Only dust mites ride.

She swatted the flies,
smashing them between her palms,
admiring death.

Whatever you do
Don't share your big problem here.
We'll just make it verse.

Got a bad problem
Googled it. Nothing came up.
That's how fucked it is

O Lucky Man. If
you've never seen it, find it
on YouTube. Great film.

Crocodile dung
Substitute for Nutella
Here

Shut down the toilets
Find the most foul chunk of poo
Make it President

Your unique grimace
What life has turned you into
A friendly monster

Tom Selleck's bathtub
The pubic hair collection
For your perusal

Never had a clog
Looks like it's never been used
The Grimace, Explained.

Organic Pleasure
New! Banana Peel Condom!
Slippery when wet

The shitter is full
Whining and gnashing of teeth
A yunky surprise

toyota honda
mitsubishi yamaha
subaru sushi

I have an idea:
ask our president for a
Government shut-down!

The one with nice tits?
I remember that lab well.
She liked me better.

Biological
Remember my lab partner
A nice set of tits

Sanitized haiku
But you left out the best part
Crocodile Dong

Fetch my walking stick
The ornately carved handle
Crocodile

And now, Ladies and Gentlemen,
a Haiku in the style of DF:


five syllables shit
seven syllables more shit
and finally, the stench...

Oh fervent poets!
Oh Haiku visionaries!
Don't you just LOVE Trump?

Keep slapping that ham,
oh grand Sensei of Haiku.
May it help your verse.