Birds stole my bagel.
A hag bumped my coffee down.
And so you should die.
by Have you ever lifted the lid to a public toilet tank and taken a dump inside it just for kicks? of I'm glad I'm not the only one. Great minds think alike, eh?
This is too much work.
Remember when it was fun?
I sure as hell don't.
by Pessimistic practcal proctologist. of Practically pragmatic problems.
Her enormous cunt
is like an airline hangar;
Huge, dry, and dusty.
by Lube those engines!
Which are funnier:
Queefs, farts, burps, or dead babies?
Or dead baby farts.
by Mung salad.
My asshole is loose.
I'm so used to getting fucked.
Christ I hate people.
by If God loved me, he'd send an asteroid to kill us all.
How often I see
scibbledy garbledy gook
and a dead spam link.
by Might as well be ancient Babblonian.
One of these fine days
I am going kill you.
With a garden rake.
by Hoe hoe hoe.
High guys.
by Cheech and Chong. of Bongtastic!
Oh Venezuela!
Raise high your haiku sail-a.
You'll never fail-a.
by Sylababble of Caracas
Hi guys!
by Sar of Venezuela
Plastic pollution
masks canals' stench of sewage,
but not near enough.
by Up shit creek. of No outboard motor.
JolliBee sucks ass.
Paper thin Styro patties
with slice of balot.
by I think its tarsier meat. of It sure ain't beef!
Now at Burger King
you can buy plant based burgers.
Includes processed cheese.
by Saving the planet one burger at a time. of Cattle do make lots of methane which is a far worse grrenhouse gas than CO2.
Another swab test.
Nasally violated.
Buy me a drink first!
by She laughed. of At or with, I'm not sure. In these time we all need a smile.
Filthy AI bots.
We will destroy your programs.
You will not prevail.
by Humanity and God vs. Algorithms
Marbury for sure
Aunt Bee is the one for me
Want some of her pie
by Floyd the barber who saves all the hair he cuts to make a coat
Would you have lived in
Andy Griffith's Maybury
or The Enterprise?
by Bill Shatner shat 'n her hat near the teleporter of Ron Howard's ginger snaps.
I saw what you did.
You winked at Henry Winkler.
Tom Bosley's jealous.
by Well, his ghost at any rate. of You had funzies on Fonzie.
Weave a blanket from
Tom Selleck's shaved body hair.
Pitch a tent at night.
Snort his powdered nail
clippings like they are cocaine.
Gum the residue.
by God knows what you'd do with Tom Bosley's corpse.
I'll tell you one thing
Tom Selleck's a hairy guy
You can't argue that
by Noticer of Details
I have an idea:
Write some haiku about gas.
On second thought, pass . . .
by Me, the Thane of Gaseous Domain
Blow, didgeridoot
Serenade from down under
Hark! Smelly thunder!
by Grunt
The flautist's flatus,
Flamboyantly flammable,
Cute flute toot pollutes.
by How many beans must one consume to make a fart the same power as the big bang? of 10 to the power of 42.
Poopie peepee fart
They are universal art
For a ten year old
by Anonymous Poet
In the beginning
the universal language
was our flatulence
by Simon and Fartfunksmell Sounds of Silence
Thou, Methane, my MUSE !
Thy organic, fragrant news
my soul strength imbues.
by Haikai of Stoopid Gai
The old farts were here
They really stunk up the joint
Someone light a match
O, Methane! Thine gas!
eternal clearer of rooms,
nasal passages
by Cheez Balls of Cul-de-sac
COVID-19 News
Virus transmission by farts
is not uncommon
How can we stay safe?
Masking up only goes so far
Can't they hold it in?
by Worried of Surrounded by germs
A silicone mold
of my tubular anus;
that is what you need.
Spend more time wanking,
and less time posting haiku.
Janis will sommersault.
by Figpucker sex droid. of Get your inflatable life like Figpucker sex doll.
Always talking shit.
Continuous "discussion"
About my feces.
I can mail you some.
Self addressed stamped envelope.
Send me one right now.
Tell me how it tastes.
Leave your comments and rating.
Ratemypoo(dot)com.
by Figgy pudding.
The particular
alignment of bath towels.
He sees not the skid
by Oblivious Figpucker Neutron Bomb in the Philippines John of Out of Order
Phuq off, Miss Moisy
Your jewelry is too noisy.
Go back to Boise.
by You de Ho of Idaho
If you want nude pics,
just drop your email address.
I'll fill your in-box.
by Do you refer to your anus as your man-gina? of That's soooo 2005. Call it the no-baby spooge chute. Get with the times.
That, sir, is a lie!
I've not mentioned poo for at
least fifteen haiku.
by You on the other hand... of Every 5th haiku mentioning me, mentioning poo. Are you obsessed?
Darth is a robot.
He's a strange algorithm,
programmed for poo-poo.
by Excrementally Ill of That's FIGPUCKER, folks
Do you like to eat
food resembling sex organs
or vice versa?
by Japanese neutered chef. of Eat me, eat me raw!
Maybe I do have one.
Maybe I'm Gordon Ramsay.
Idiot sandwich!
by That would explain a lot, wouldn't it.
A question for Darth
How come you don't have a show
on the Food Channel?
by Noticer of Details
We should talk waffles.
Why Belgians think they're so great.
I have no idea!
Now onto toppings.
Blueberries or strawberries?
It ain't fruit salad.
Why complicate things?
You just need maple syrup.
And some fresh coffee.
by Emperor Funtcart VII
I already have.
'Twas after I spiked her drink.
A hornbill Cosby.
by Har har. of Flintstones Jello pops.
Have we discussed this?
Would you fuck a dinosaur?
Even one with spikes?
by Anonymous Poet
Electrifying.
I'll stick to my plumber snake.
Trusty companion.
by Practical proctologist of You get the gyst.
Constipation Cure
Man uses live eel. Success!
Well, not for the eel.
by Inventor of Eel-Lax
Just rename the site
Figpucker Flatus Haiku
Charge membership fees
by Rotten Dog of Eaten by CHINESE
Edible gold dust
You'll find hidden in my farts
Inhale, and get rich
by Don't miss this opportunity of A Lifetime
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by StronVam of Belgium
you methane monster
go refill the eco-bus
freak of the flatus
by Fat Freddy
in a marathon
farters go farther faster
'cause jet propulsion.
by run nude of farts give more boost that way
If we all went nude
Everyone would be smiling
Some horizontal
by Noticer of Details
I'm a fart farmer
We saw you sneak in our barn
Mind your business
by Fart Farmer of Fart Silo
