He had been depressed
but she ignored the signals
and kept racewalking
by Brenda L. of Camden, NJ
Brenda's sad haiku:
Menopausal sister's screams...
sterile suicide.
by See, I haikuized It 4 U of Camden Haiku Support
Hot car mechanic
Slid out from under my car
with a huge boner
by Just now of Midas
ATTENTION ! Haiku.
We make haiku in this place.
Less syllable please.
by Dog-Faced Nazi Woman Guard of Buchenwald
What about space head?
Will your spooje just float along?
Space dinks always hard?
by You must know if you drink Tang
I've a yin for yen
yang poon Tang orange breakfast drink
think pink stink skate rink.
by I wholeheartedly concur!
I bought a dildo.
I thought you would enjoy it.
But you just want cake.
by Marie Antoinette's ghost.
I feel important
Never been an apprentice
I feel like boasting
by Apprentice of The Dark Lord
You will not act like
Evil Dark Lord Figpucker.
There can be just one!
by But you can be the apprentice.
It should be legal
To cook and eat your children
if they are naughty.
Or the neighbors' kids.
Or just kids in general.
Now I am hungry.
by The Wicked Witch of the West. of And your little dog too!
The fecal transplant
What if it makes me act like
that Darth Figpucker?
by Worried
You could very well
have health issues if your farts
have a bad odor.
Perhaps you need a
fecal transplant to restore
intestinal health.
I'll be your donor.
Tell your friends and family
that I gave you shit.
by Har har har.
Just one more question
Does fart smell indicate health?
How are you alive?
by Someone of Barely breathing
Flatulence is art.
When compared to these haiku.
Just to clear the air.
by There should be a fart museum. of Recordings, high fiber foods, smell emulators, skid marked undies, decibal meters, seismographs, etc.
Just letting you know
None of this was in the lease
Give deposit back!
by Anonymous Poet of Moving out
All people should die!
And dye their hair bright purple.
And pretend they are gay.
by Rainbow heros! of It's ma'am!
If we murder God,
who can we blame for our faults?
Surely not Satan!
by I smell sulfur. of Oh... right. The eggs.
Homemade pasta sauce
over whole wheat spahetti
and tiramisu.
by Did u notice the waiter's Italian sausage of Ha! Beat u to it!
Scrambled eggs with lox.
Unlocked breakfast potential.
And bloody mary.
by One week sodium allowance.
I want a cupcake.
Chocolate with coffee icing.
And an espresso.
by Your local bakeshop.
He lifted his kilt
We saw the Loch Ness Monster
playing the bagpipes
by Merle Haggis of Barstool
You no have tickee
You no gettee bad haiku.
Cash only. Chop chop.
by Hong's Laundry of I No Pay You Stand Around Get To Work
You writee some strange.
You make too much ficky-fick.
You are stupid guy.
by Hong's Chinese Laundry of Old San Fran 1904
I saw cheese wrappers,
haiku written on napkins,
and tiny condoms
by I knew it must have been you of Beach
Hey, how did you know
we went to the beach today?
A seagull told you?
by Eternal Sandcastle of Bad Haiku
Don't you just hate it
Seagull ruins day at the beach
Flies off with my cock
by Dejected of Old Towel
A high, whiny voice
is how most of them would sound
if they had a mouth
by All dinks sound like Pinocchio
Or what if dinks
had a face identical
to the man attached?
by U. Look of Familiar
Wouldn't it be great
if penises had a face
like a cartoon dog
by Fond memories of Droopy Dog
Neighborhood Dark Lord
Borrowed a cup of sugar
He stole my sweet soul
So sweet. Woke Wilfred Brimley
from his long dirt nap
by Noticer of Darthtails
Nothing but dead fish,
plastic bags and raw sewage
choking up the bay.
by Small fishing town. of Trashy ppl cant even take care of the ocean they take from
I sincerely hope
covid will save the planet
from these gross humans.
by My octopus brothers are hurting.
I might also add:
If your God was merciful,
you'd not read my lines.
by Admit it!
Incorrect again.
I do not sin; I am sin.
Relinquish your soul.
by Your friendly neighborhood Dark Lord. of Being evil has its moments.
Our first date
was when you randomly called
and breathed in my phone
by Venus of Flycunt, New Jersey
Out with your waffles.
Fie upon thee, most vile knave.
A wretched bard, thou.
by Elizabethan Lutanist of Just passing through
Figpucker has sinned.
He has written bad haiku.
God is merciful.
by Seraphic Cherub of Cherubic Seraph
QGW4UT8JN9WGIQKWXF www.google.com Where are you located ? I want to come to you one of these days
by QGW4UT8JN9WGIQKWXF www.web.de of a point or extent in space
I'll have one pancake
Side order of twat waffles
And a large coffee
The waitress smiled.
She returned with a platter
of human sausage
by Noticer of Entrails
Just went to IHOP.
They were highly offended.
Ordered twat-waffles.
by With extra butter and a cup of coffee. of Spoke with foreign accent. Said someone on plane recommended them.
Time to buy some fruit.
Distract oneself from junk food.
Save money for crack.
by Gucci crack pipe.
All I know is that
I don't know what's going on.
My God I'm so high.
by Order a pizza!!
Why cant viruses
just make us hallucinate
instead of hack blood.
by That would be cool... of Huh huh huh.
Emu Overlords
will dance upon your dry bones
eating your children.
by More probable than aliens.
Spend all day watching
Bubble Guppies and Blues Clues.
But not Peppa Pig.
by Sponge Bob is walking birth control device.
Whats the backup plan?
Tritesticularity.
Gives you clarity.
by Three if better than two.
I grow weary of
cassowary and ostrich
leftover sandwich.
I knew an emu
who grew blue tofu for stew.
Makes fluorescent poo.
by Surely azurely
planet eat sandwich
sophisticated tuba
poncho with fragrance
by Vilmar of Austria
Prime roast emu
Ostrich and cassowary
Disagreeable
by Angry Birds of Turducken, NJ
You heard correctly.
Emus -- those big fucking birds.
Dinosaur throwbacks.
by They deserve this planet. of Not some talking monkeys.
