Which one would you fuck?
2 day old, stale baguette bread
Everything bagel

Never robbed a bank
bank error in my favor
100 dollars

Noticed it later
She gave my dog a biscuit
in the drive thru tube

It wasn't an axe
It was with a Gurkah knife
That ain't much better

Never murdered anyone
but I worked for someone who
was axe murdered. Truth.

Clash. Sandinista
One of my favorite albums
I bet you like it

12 hours ahead.
But 200 years behind.
You have to see it.

What time is it there?
It's like talking with someone
who's from the future

When you're all alone
solving those math equations.
Mathturbation?

Fusion energy.
With enough beans it might work.
Intense compression.

I'm no scientist
but if I reverse the charge
your plan might backfire

If you want fart calls,
I will accommodate you.
It doesn't cost much.

Yes, I despise Alf
If I give you my number
will your fart call me?

Medicinal crack.
Prevents getting stressful jobs.
It's my brain, my choice!

Chihuahuas are weird.
Eyes look different directions.
Snort like little pigs.

Murdered anyone?
Have you ever robbed a bank?
Made a prank phone call?

Okay, I must ask:
How many cats do you have?
And do you hate Alf?

Have you ever seen
conjoined twin dyslexia
South Park episode.

I'll be on the porch
I may try to get you high
by remote catnip

I'm a defective
I just pick up things sometimes
Not a detective

I'll eat cereal
with my headless conjoined twin.
Fucking holidays.

I miss Thanksgiving.
Grandparents, uncles, cousins.
Good homecooked dinner.

You are so stupid.
All holidays are plastic.
Nothing more is "real".

You know me too well.
I don't really mind, of course.
Who do you work for?

Government agent?
Private investigator?
Pervert revenge squad?

Do your worst, my dear.
These days I just yearn for death.
Too long in this world.

Cyanide capsule for emergencies.

Can't wait to go back to Thailand. Good food and anything I would do seems half-way normal compared to the outright debauchery and decadence in that crazy place. And not locked in by ocean.
I would love to see the deep jungle. Wild tigers and giant snakes. I might make a good snack.

Dancing with Grandma.
Lot of work digging her up.
We shared some whiskey.

Can the dead trip balls?
I laced her drink with acid.
We will soon find out.

Customer service?
Found a hair in my candies
Oompa Loompa pubes!

It's a lot of work
Inserting a razor blade
in every apple

I pick Black Sabbath.
Their music is biblical.
The Lord likes that band.

Halloween is shit.
Typical U.S. blowout:
Plastic and sugar.

I tried Thorazine
It was back in the 80's...
It made my brain crawl.

The one that we pick
is your Halloween costume?
I pick Van Halen

High on Wonka bars
wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt
It's Darthula Roth!

Doing the backflip
Scaring old people at mall
The obvious choice

Pick one:
Ozzy Osbourne
Motley Crue
Van Halen (with David Lee)
Led Zepplin
Pink Floyd

God hates all poets.
Not just the ones who write here.
Yes, even Shakespere.

Had too much to drink.
Ate balot with vinegar.
Barfed up duck fetus.

Now I'm one of them.
Next week we do human flesh.
Maybe Halloween.

Cannabalism,
mushrooms and lots of good rum.
Life gets no better.

A clean asylum.
Sanitary sanity.
Nurse Ratchet's undies.

Ladies' room trashcan.
Unsanitary napkins.
Vampire tea bags.

Sale! Bad Haiku Merch
Signed Figpucker coffee mug
Unsanitary!

He wrote things backwards
Leonardo Da Vinci
!! SKCUS OIRPACID

I just looked into
Gizzards of cassowaries
A dangerous bird

The gizzard, also referred to as the ventriculus, gastric mill, and gigerium, is an organ found in the digestive tract of some animals, including archosaurs (pterosaurs, crocodiles, alligators, dinosaurs including birds), earthworms, some gastropods, some fish, and some crustaceans. This specialized stomach constructed of thick muscular walls is used for grinding up food, often aided by particles of stone or grit. In certain insects and molluscs, the gizzard features chitinous plates or teeth.

The Bible needs more.
Oh so many modern sins.
Hawaiian pizza!

Jesus loves us all.
Even if we write haiku.
One amazing guy.

I heard a buzzing.
It's a giant mosquito!
No, Mary Poppins.

Yuppy women say,
"I think I'll do a latte."
I'd like to see that.

One way to get wet.
Minor emergency burns.
Those urban legends.

Mary Poppins twat
The flapping makes her fly
over the rooftops

Thirty years ago
I worked for a bakery
Now I just get baked

I don't "do" donuts.
Tried it once, it's too sticky.
Croissants, however...

Father, forgive me
I thought this confessional
was the Men's restroom

Forgiven, my son
But did you have to wipe your
ass with the Bible?

What is a gizzard?

How much coffee
are you guzzling over there?
What about doughnuts?

No one knows this, but
there's a fox living on top
Donald Trump's head