Underoos are great,
but the crotch has too much space
for my small penis.

I cannot decide
which Underoos I like best.
Batman or The Flash.

A true narcissist
wanks in front of the mirror
smelling their undies.

Much like a poet
who writes only for themselves
while eating fine cheese.

Get free vibrators
for underprivileged women;
ToysForTwats dot com.

Done with Asian girls.
Hamsters wearing Underoos.
Viagra pellets.

Why I love hamsters.
I can stuff my whole penis
in their cheek pouches.

I love Amazon.
Ordering hamster outfits.
Leather and strap-ons.

I'm Darth Figpucker
and I'm a hamster addict.
It's been seven days.

I molest hamsters.
PetSmart restraining order.
Thank God there's PetCo.

I wear disguises.
Dressing up like a poodle.
Then sniff dogs' buttholes.

I wear Underoos
and wank watching videos
of myself wanking.

I can't piss myself.
I am nothing but urine.
A big pee puddle.

If you are evil,
then what are you doing here?
Go commit some crimes.

Now I'm really DONE.
Now I have reached my limit.
Thus, I write haiku.

Visualization.
Imagine a trickling stream.
Darth, you pissed yourself!

"Sticking feathers up
your ass will not make you a
chicken," said Tyler.

Boink a sex-changed bull.
Requantify your gender.
Wear strap-on udders.

*Requantify

Boink is just a verb.
Requatify is also.
Udder is a noun.

Lemme aisk you, Clem:
Is it "Doctor Kissinger"
Or jess "Mister K"?

Mommy mommy help.
I have a dirty haiku.
Change me mommy. Waaah!

Hoo hoo

I ooh ooh ah ah.
You ah ah ooh ooh.
We communicate.

I am King Monkey,
the greatest jungle swinger.
Bring me bananas.

Please use my pronouns:
Boink/Udder/Requantify
(Be considerate)

Please stop making fun
Of split personality.
Oh wait...that was me.

It is NOT easy
Typing in a straitjacket.
Have to use my teeth.

When poets fly high
They make the mere mortals sigh...
Whoops-- time for my meds.

When reindeers fly high
they defecate in the sky
Here's mud in your eye

Lmao, I
Say it again lma...
Oh oh oh oh.. ohhhh...

President Kanye
That would have been so awesome
He's fucking crazy

I'm solipsistic,
I think it's all about ME.
That's why I love you.

I'm Calvinistic:
God's sovereignly elected...
So - I'm His problem.

I'm masochistic
So you realize now then I
Enjoy the harsh pain

Can you please explain?
You think one of these are "GOOD"?
I guess I'll die now.

every damn time im not
here and you post GOOD haiku!
flavor them with salt!

Rather amusing answer

Heather Williams farted
during PE class and we have
photographic proof of the fart.

We all deserve "it".
You more than anyone else.
You who now reads this.

What time? What channel?
Vengeance is good for ratings.
True must see tv

All of them will pay.
They will feel my vengeance SOON.
They will beg for death.

I mean three LINE check.
Not three link. We don't need links.
Missing links maybe.

Testing the waters.
I'm doing your work for you.
Please send me a check.

1
2
3
4

Three link checker.
Syllable is too difficult.
But allow nude pics.

Just about ready.
Next year will be good to die.
I hope that I poop.

Was going to im-
-plement a sylable che-
-cker. Now not so sure

I have a lot more
where that came from, however
you're hard of hearing.

God can have it all:
absurd data-driven shit
that passes for life.

I wouldn't call this art.
Hell, it's not even functional.
But here you are.

Special Processed American Meat.
Self-Propogating Alternative Media.
Spanking Penguins All Month.