Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 166 Days and 77047 Haiku later...

That wasn't just sperm
that came out of his penis.
And, man, did it stink!
Haiku # 53232, January 30, 2016 5:56 pm ET
by df
"I am not gay but
20 bucks is 20 bucks."
What a great t-shirt.
Haiku # 53231, January 30, 2016 5:42 pm ET
by df
I'll get some donuts.
And a cup of hot coffee.
I guess that is all.
Haiku # 53230, January 30, 2016 5:39 pm ET
by df
My lunch disappeared.
Many lunches disappeared.
Damn office kitchen.

I made a sandwich;
a very special sandwich
for the thief to eat.

the boss did not like
the note on the ice box door.
Here's what it said:

Congratulations!
I hope you enjoyed the dog
placenta sandwich.
Haiku # 53229, January 30, 2016 5:30 pm ET
by df
Philippine hookers
have exotic diseases;
germ warfare heaven.
Haiku # 53228, January 30, 2016 5:20 pm ET
by df
Hillary Clinton's
leaked sex tape of her leaking
sperm from old hippies.
Haiku # 53227, January 30, 2016 5:16 pm ET
by df
Bodily functions
still make the best bad haiku.
Get back to basics.
Haiku # 53226, January 30, 2016 5:12 pm ET
by df
The more you vomit,
The more exciting the night.
Now you clean it up.
Haiku # 53225, January 30, 2016 5:11 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Vaginas may stink.
And sometimes they even bleed.
Yes still, I'll eat them.
Haiku # 53224, January 30, 2016 5:08 pm ET
by DF
Thunderous flatus.
Stench travels faster than sound.
Knocking down houses.
Haiku # 53223, January 30, 2016 5:06 pm ET
by DF
lets put it this way
if I were dead for real none
of the games people play

would really matter
you could post every insult
or speculation

i'd be dead. facebook
would just be a shell, no more
posts from the real "x"

if I were ok i'd
still annoy the hell out of
some and I hope I'd

amuse others sweet
Haiku # 53222, January 30, 2016 12:29 pm ET
by vhs
I think what some folks
don't get is some mean what they
say exactly like

and that confuses
people who are used to the
games people do play

I make more sense to
them as a liar, thief and
otherwise vile swine
Haiku # 53221, January 30, 2016 12:02 pm ET
by vhs
real feelings are true
anathema to those still
playing 1990s net
Haiku # 53220, January 30, 2016 11:58 am ET
by vhs
Hello!
Haiku # 53219, January 30, 2016 9:46 am ET
by wrpwwuee of USA
anonymous is
guard dog for a garbage pile
have fun by yourself
Haiku # 53218, January 30, 2016 2:24 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola of I'm outta here....
Oh, please don't leave us!
You're the wise father figure
to us wannabes.

I'd give anything
to have your wit and insight.
Our poetry god!

So I can get rich,
I'll follow you with a broom
keeping all the dust.

Sold in tiny bags,
the dust that you have walked on.
$15 G's per gram.

People will snort it
in hopes of becoming great,
and their poems as absolutely fucking amazing as every one of your poems are. I have memorized every line! Transcribing it for generations to follow and worship of found the one true religion of the poetry of iamback... er... I mean vhs. Whatever.
Haiku # 53217, January 30, 2016 2:11 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
one letter changes
message board to massage board
so choose them with care
Haiku # 53216, January 30, 2016 2:08 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola
i should hate to go
silent but it may happen
sometimes there's last words
Haiku # 53215, January 29, 2016 3:33 pm ET
by vhs
i sit at a desk
as i have my whole darn life
the world it changes

all around me
Haiku # 53214, January 29, 2016 3:31 pm ET
by vhs
it goes on and on
till it can't go on no more
the last breath sighs out
Haiku # 53213, January 29, 2016 3:20 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
the life indulged in
self the body just might decide
to just break down
Haiku # 53212, January 29, 2016 3:18 pm ET
by vhs
hypertension, stress
a lot doesn't matter when
survival's at stake
Haiku # 53211, January 29, 2016 3:06 pm ET
by vhs
one man seems to just
argue with himself and posts
to occasional posts
Haiku # 53210, January 29, 2016 12:08 pm ET
by vhs
Google "Perrava".
You'll find links to webcam whores.
I think she's an ex.
I think you are wrong.
You do not look like an ass.
But sure smell like one.
Pull my right index.
Paroot ootoot toot tootoot.
They smell good, don't they?
So you see, friend Pee,
you who too doe'st reek of poo
should oft write haiku.
You're in urine luck.
Throw your hands, say what the fuck,
pay the whores to suck.
Haiku # 53209, January 28, 2016 9:54 pm ET
by DF of How many syllables does a fart sound have?
You followed
And thus you had found
Obvious

I cannot
Be so dimwitted
Goddammit

It is a
Horrid place to write
I love it
Haiku # 53208, January 28, 2016 6:29 pm ET
by P. of Looking like an ass (* ̄(エ) ̄*)
Men who oft get laid
don't feel the need to write.
That is why I'm here.

Wife's too big and fat.
I can't feel anything.
Her puss is too big.

Or my dicks too small.
Whatever the case may be.
I need a mistress.
Haiku # 53207, January 28, 2016 6:20 pm ET
by DF
You like lighter yolks?
I've never tried Egg Beaters.
I beat other things.

That was a bad yoke.
I need me a hole to poke.
So I don't waste eggs.
Haiku # 53206, January 28, 2016 6:12 pm ET
by DF
there's certain burdens
one continues to bear till
one can't anymore

or one decides to cast
the burden aside and realize
there were lighter yokes
Haiku # 53205, January 28, 2016 1:29 pm ET
by vhs
when a person quits
an on line forum or chat
what is freed up from

not interacting
or what things happen that would
not been focused on
Haiku # 53204, January 28, 2016 1:01 pm ET
by vhs
so capitalism
will it go away or will
it evolve somehow
Haiku # 53203, January 28, 2016 12:48 pm ET
by vhs
the extroversion
or should I say perversion
of the introversion

of the version
of the words ending in ion
like venison

conservatively speaking
it is more like this on going
free verse thing

but
WE NEED MORE poets
Haiku # 53202, January 28, 2016 12:32 pm ET
by vhs
Used Google and found
Pervara's a webcam whore.
I am not surprised.



Middle school girls can
write with more substance than that.
Where's my puke bucket?
Haiku # 53201, January 28, 2016 12:13 am ET
by DF
Pooping on a lout.
Fun times; I like to watch you
poo and stall the Pee.
Haiku # 53200, January 27, 2016 11:54 pm ET
by DF of A poem for the one called Pee.
Okay I'm done here
You are a used empty shell
Full of my word-spunk
Haiku # 53199, January 27, 2016 9:03 pm ET
by P. of Aaaaaaaaaand I'm spent......
Wanderer nomad
Vagabond vagabond run
Walk until you die

Trampling people
Blood lotion feet softener
Now to shine my spine
Haiku # 53198, January 27, 2016 8:59 pm ET
by P. of Pretending to be sonic possessed by a demon after having just snorted cocaine out of a hooker's ass.
I like to ramble
I'm a mad god after all
You will hear of me
Haiku # 53197, January 27, 2016 8:53 pm ET
by P. of Check your book shelves.
Popping in and out
Sometimes I like to watch you
You can call me P.
Haiku # 53196, January 27, 2016 8:51 pm ET
by P. of Eh don't expect me around too often, I'm more like a stray cat.
I just witnessed the
Haiku war of dumbasses
It was terrific
Haiku # 53195, January 27, 2016 8:48 pm ET
by Perrava of Every empty chair and bench, every man and every wench
well as we toast the
fallen we say 42 and
then our brains get smooshed
Haiku # 53194, January 27, 2016 1:57 pm ET
by vhs
Take the juice from one bottle of that Ol' Janx Spirit.
Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V(Oh, that Santragian seawater! Oh, those Santragian fish!)
Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzene is lost).
Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it, in honor of all those happy hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of Fallia.
Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qalactin Hypermint extract, redolent of all the heavy odors of the dark Qalactin Zones, subtle, sweet, and mystic.
Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolian Suns deep into the heart of the drink.
Sprinkle Zamphuor.
Add an olive.
Drink . . . but . . . very carefully . . .
Haiku # 53193, January 27, 2016 1:29 pm ET
by DF
televised ads for
exercise programs all smiles
but just the body

nothing for the mind
Haiku # 53192, January 27, 2016 11:38 am ET
by vhs
it boggles my mind
what new technology can
do and it does do
Haiku # 53191, January 27, 2016 11:01 am ET
by vhs
well I will need a
Pan Galactic Gargle blast
to start things off here

in real life how much
in recipees for the blast
is there, one called for

Gatorade
Haiku # 53190, January 27, 2016 10:58 am ET
by vhs
Re-Edit:

An innuendo:
Italian enema or
suppository.

Suppose the story
about the enema is
not an enigma.

It goes in your end
and then you let out an "OH!"
In your end, oh oh!

Suppose the story
about suppositories
is an enema.

Japanimation
Animated enema
AEnimalistic.

I am such a tool.
I need you to feel this
internal cleansing
Haiku # 53189, January 27, 2016 8:17 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of Planet Vogsphere Poetry Auditions.
An innuendo:
Italian enema or
suppository.

Suppose the story
about the enema is
not an enigma.

It goes in your end
and then you let out an "OH!"
In your end, oh oh!

Suppose the story
about suppositories
is an enema.

Japanimation
Animated enema
Haiku # 53188, January 27, 2016 8:14 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of Planet Vogsphere
the occult gets dull
to someone who thinks it's just
a distraction to

eternal life like
He can cover my ass for being
an ass even here

on this site
Haiku # 53187, January 26, 2016 11:51 pm ET
by vhs
it was kind of like
when hootie and the
blowfish were so well

shocking in the 90s
plain, boring kindly music
no heroin chic
Haiku # 53186, January 26, 2016 11:22 pm ET
by vhs
when the tape gets caught
and one says be kind and please
rewind, are there words

to say when the tape
snaps and innuendos there
as well, what was porn?
Haiku # 53185, January 26, 2016 11:01 pm ET
by vhs
i wonder who tops the
bottom and who bottoms the
top. Who was the Dom/me?

Siskel or Ebert?
laurel or Hardy, Abbott or
Costello, and with

such perverse ideals
innuendo what does it
mean when our hero

Bud said "who's on first"
boggles the mind but to us
Scorpios sex gets

really boring...
Haiku # 53184, January 26, 2016 10:59 pm ET
by vhs
Pony girl porn tapes.
Miniature horse pussy.
Equine husbandry.

Underground circus.
vhs on VHS.
DVDs are best.

Is your penis ill?
Then take your penicillin.
Don't touch my chickens!

Dirty old pervert.
A Very Horny Senior
needs no Viagra.
Haiku # 53183, January 26, 2016 4:00 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker - The Highly Inappropriate
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