Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 263 Days and 71136 Haikus later...

I already have.
'Twas after I spiked her drink.
A hornbill Cosby.
Haiku # 71136, August 3, 2021 9:06 am ET
by Har har. of Flintstones Jello pops.
Have we discussed this?
Would you fuck a dinosaur?
Even one with spikes?
Haiku # 71135, August 3, 2021 5:49 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I'll stick to my plumber snake.
Trusty companion.
Haiku # 71134, August 2, 2021 9:35 pm ET
by Practical proctologist of You get the gyst.
Constipation Cure
Man uses live eel. Success!
Well, not for the eel.
Haiku # 71133, August 2, 2021 6:08 pm ET
by Inventor of Eel-Lax
Just rename the site
Figpucker Flatus Haiku
Charge membership fees
Haiku # 71132, August 2, 2021 4:45 pm ET
by Rotten Dog of Eaten by CHINESE
Edible gold dust
You'll find hidden in my farts
Inhale, and get rich
Haiku # 71131, August 2, 2021 8:03 am ET
by Don't miss this opportunity of A Lifetime
Haiku # 71130, August 2, 2021 5:32 am ET
by StronVam of Belgium
you methane monster
go refill the eco-bus
freak of the flatus
Haiku # 71129, August 2, 2021 5:22 am ET
by Fat Freddy
in a marathon
farters go farther faster
'cause jet propulsion.
Haiku # 71128, August 2, 2021 5:18 am ET
by run nude of farts give more boost that way
If we all went nude
Everyone would be smiling
Some horizontal
Haiku # 71127, August 2, 2021 4:46 am ET
by Noticer of Details
Hoвoe oнлaйн Kaзuно - Бoнyc кaждoмy!
Рeгистрирyйся - зaбери свoй Бoнyс и игрaй.
нeoграничeный дeпoзит, и мoмeнтльный вывoд!
Haiku # 71126, August 2, 2021 12:33 am ET
by Spinadurge of Russia
I'm a fart farmer
We saw you sneak in our barn
Mind your business
Haiku # 71125, August 1, 2021 6:17 pm ET
by Fart Farmer of Fart Silo
De-worm this haiku:
Belgian posts parasite links.
Belgian is the worm.
Haiku # 71124, August 1, 2021 2:29 pm ET
by Metronidazol of Flagyl
Deworming pill links?!???!!! ?!
Like what in the flying fuck?!?!
Someone explain why.

Most health departments give that shit away free.
Even in 3rd world countries deworming is part of the health programs. What monetary reason could they have for deworming pill links?... To treat livestock after... Oh, I get it, they think I gave the pigs and chickens intestinal parasites and they are marketing this to farmers.... what farmer read haiku though??? It makes no sense at all.
Haiku # 71123, August 1, 2021 1:41 pm ET
by Give it to Mikey, he'll eat anything.
Haiku # 71122, August 1, 2021 11:39 am ET
by Fartbot
Haiku # 71121, August 1, 2021 11:22 am ET
by StronVam of Belgium
Worthless Haikucoin
Wipe out the competition
Invest in Shitcoin
Haiku # 71120, August 1, 2021 1:38 am ET
by Filthy Rich of Manure Bank
Instead of bitcoin
how about DanglyBitsCoin.
Coin face has a schlong.
Haiku # 71119, July 31, 2021 11:56 pm ET
by The tail has a distended rectum touching the toilet water.
FuntCart dot com's an
available domain name.
Get it while it's hot.
Haiku # 71118, July 31, 2021 11:52 pm ET
by df
You're not my uncle
But I'll sit on your lap, Darth
On one condition
Haiku # 71117, July 31, 2021 10:01 pm ET
by A friend of Darth F. of Haikuholics Anonymous
How to pay FuntCart?
Need new currency: BoobCoin
Worth every penny
Haiku # 71116, July 31, 2021 8:42 pm ET
by Too much time on my hands
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Haiku # 71115, July 31, 2021 6:52 pm ET
by bneoshcoams of Space
Following spam links
are rather enjoyable
and entertaining.

Entertain us with
entered anus videos
pics and scratch-n-sniff.

Smell-o-vision porn;
imagine the cash we'd make!
All the happy pervs!

Like this example:
My ex liked to "smell herself"
when masturbating.

What will we call it?
The new Sony FuntCart screen?
Haiku # 71114, July 31, 2021 6:40 pm ET
by Star Kitten's favorite uncle. of Sit on my lap like you used to.
You are so bent-o . . .
as in total demento.
How you pay rent-o?
Haiku # 71113, July 31, 2021 3:48 pm ET
by Box Lunch of NIPPON
You are so bent-o . . .
as in total demento.
How you pay rent-o?
Haiku # 71112, July 31, 2021 3:48 pm ET
by Box Lunch of NIPPON
Summer in Japan
Farting in a bento box
Getting dirty looks
Haiku # 71111, July 31, 2021 3:05 pm ET
by World Traveler of Shopping for a bigger bento box
If you don't want farts,
then you need to go elsewhere.
That's all Japan has.
Haiku # 71110, July 31, 2021 1:26 pm ET
by Can a samurai sword cut a methane molecule? of Shogun's outhouse.
Quadruple back flip
with a triple aerial
A solid landing (no back splash, floaters, or Klingons)
Haiku # 71109, July 30, 2021 8:32 pm ET
by Those fecal gymnasts are THE SHIT!! of Fecal Gymnastics Olympics
How we long for more
Than Figpucker's farts; a bore.
Give Darth a low score.
Haiku # 71108, July 30, 2021 5:50 pm ET
by Haiku Scoring Committee of Tokyo Olympics
Belching twat waffles
Ingestion. Indigestion.
(with homemade whipped cream)
Haiku # 71107, July 30, 2021 12:33 pm ET
by Sir Lester Longpig of Breakfast nook
Long-winded Belgian
Look, he farts gobbledygook
and wipes with haiku
Haiku # 71106, July 30, 2021 5:25 am ET
by 2-ply of July
Haiku # 71105, July 30, 2021 5:11 am ET
by StronVam of Belgium
This site is the best
It's like having a pen pal
in the Philippines
Haiku # 71104, July 30, 2021 3:03 am ET
by The other poet
Up in Canada
They wipe with a hockey stick+
duct taped tea towel
Haiku # 71103, July 30, 2021 2:23 am ET
by Slapshat of Splatshot
I heard in China
They wipe their bums with chopsticks
Works on potstickers
Haiku # 71102, July 30, 2021 12:17 am ET
by Christopher Wokkin'
Extra syllable
Symbolizes the bus fart
It hangs in the air
Haiku # 71101, July 30, 2021 12:08 am ET
by Driver, Next Stop of Running on fumes
Farting on mass transit
They'll be reaching for their masks
I will be smiling
Haiku # 71100, July 30, 2021 12:05 am ET
by Commute of Odor
Cheese, cheese, we love cheese.
We support Darth Roquefort.
We am Chinese BOTS.
Haiku # 71099, July 29, 2021 9:40 pm ET
by Delta Bleus of MISSES SIPPY
Meatpackers Union
Spokesperson, Girth Pigpacker
Sat on his fat ass
Haiku # 71098, July 29, 2021 7:10 pm ET
by Cheese Killer of Serial Killers of the Philippines
Are you packing heat?
Shoplifted a pantsload of SPAM?
I'll be right over
Haiku # 71097, July 29, 2021 7:05 pm ET
by I'd tap that of Your Phone is Tapped
Oh ye haiku men,
Let us arise and fight them,
Unpoetic bots.
Haiku # 71096, July 29, 2021 6:53 pm ET
by Haiku Defense Squadron 119 of Janislandia
That's why you use spam.
The slab of meat can be carved
and then used for months.

Warm it when needed.
Keep it refrigerated.
Nuke it when wanted.

Multipurpose too.
Like use it for a shot glass.
Mushroomy liquor.

You will not get sick.
With all the preservatives
it lasts forever.

If it falls apart
from being overly-loved,
just shoplift more spam.
Haiku # 71095, July 29, 2021 6:21 pm ET
by "Code 300 in canned meat section." of Walmart
I'll think of you, dear
At the next Ladie's Luncheon
What a meat platter!
Haiku # 71094, July 29, 2021 5:37 pm ET
by Mrs. Cuntingham of Meet and Greet Committee
Do not fuck corned beef
Cut your unit on the can?
Your future's dead meat
Haiku # 71093, July 29, 2021 5:24 pm ET
by Will the REAL Darth Figpucker of Please stand up. (please stand up)
57 year old Technical Wire Jointer Leo from Fort Erie, really loves garage saleing, and ornithology. Preceding year just completed a journey Catalan Romanesque Churches of the Vall de Boí
Haiku # 71092, July 29, 2021 3:05 pm ET
by Jasonlep of Yemen
We're violated!
Raped by Russian spam monsters.
I used to rape spam.

Spam with a carved hole.
It may sound kind of slimy.
But it's more emotionally satisfying that screwing my ex, although both are artificially processed pork. And at least the spam has some dignity and self-respect.
Haiku # 71091, July 29, 2021 12:32 pm ET
by The Fartist Formerly Known As Darth Figpucker One of your body's main fat-burning hormonal agents DECREASES when you go on a diet plan?

Research has actually shown that this vital hormone come by as high as 50% after just 7 days of diet programs!

The most awful component is, the longer you try to diet, the even worse it gets, which is why lots of "serial dieters" constantly battle to keep the weight off (if they lose it whatsoever ...).

Fortunately is we're going to share the nutrition techniques to ENHANCE your body's natural fat-burning hormonal agents securely and also normally!
Haiku # 71090, July 29, 2021 11:49 am ET
by Jessepef of Barbados
Haiku # 71089, July 29, 2021 10:15 am ET
by StronVam of Belgium
The best strategy
They'll never see it coming
Tom Bosley dink bomb
Haiku # 71088, July 29, 2021 7:38 am ET
by Beat the Bots of Save Bad Haiku
Добрый день дамы и господа
Какое время года выбрать для бурения скважины
Бурение в разные периоды года
Если вы завершаете строительство собственного дома, самое время выбрать и место для бурения скважины. Так ваш участок будет менее всего поврежден и будущая отделка дома не пострадает. Не забудьте также учесть все важные факторы, чтобы процесс бурения прошел без всяческих неожиданностей.

Компания «БурТехСервис» осуществляет бурение круглый год. Для этого в распоряжении имеется целый арсенал техники, бурильной и строительной для проведения земельных работ. Имеющаяся техника предусматривает бурение и заезды на любые участки. Есть крупно- и малогабаритная техника, прицеп-бытовка для бригады, грузовики и краны для перевозки оборудования и материалов. Подробнее с техникой вы можете ознакомиться здесь.


+ не нужно очищать участок от снега

+ цена бурения дешевле в тех местах, где нет грунтовых вод и не закрывают дороги

– трудности с заездом на участок ввиду таяния снега, дождей

– бурение затруднено если грунтовые воды высокие

– на заболоченной местности проведение бурения не представляется возможным


+ почва сухая – удобный заезд

+ летом высокая потребность в воде для питья и полива

+ летом удобно проводить бурение местах высоких грунтовых вод

– цены на бурение выше

– очереди на бурение также большие

– соседи могут проявлять к вам излишнее внимание и быть назойливыми


+ понижение цен на бурение, осенние скидки и акции

+ осенью растения отцветают – не страшно повредить участок и ландшафт

– на заболоченной местности проведение бурения не представляется возможным

– сроки бурения могут смещаться ввиду неустойчивости погоды

– если осенью дожди частые и сильные – имеет смысл подождать, чтобы почва слегка подмерзла


+ почва зимой сухая и твердая – ущерб вашему участку минимален

+ действуют зимние скидки на бурение и приятные подарки

+ в холодное время года соседи меньше проявляют любопытство и назойливость

+ оптимально проводить бурение местах высоких грунтовых вод

– если зимой много снега, требуется очищать участок для бурения, а также дорогу для осуществления заезда бурильной техники

– при сильных морозах (ниже -18) рекомендуем подождать, пока немного не потеплеет (нельзя недооценивать человеческий фактор)

– процесс бурения зимой всегда немного длительнее, ввиду погодных условий и холодов

Выходит, самое благоприятное время для бурения – это летний и зимний период. У бурения зимой свои благоприятные факторы. Почва твердая, грунтовые воды находятся на низком уровне, поэтому монтировать кессон и трубопровод не представляет трудностей при обустройстве скважины.

Соорудить скважину в твердой и мерзлой почве не составит труда для нашей бурильной техники. “БурТехСервис” располагает арсеналом средств для любых погодных условий. К тому же, обеспечив работой нашу буровую бригаду и не давая простаивать бурильной технике, наша компания поощрит наших дорогих заказчиках значительными скидками на бурение в зимнюю пору и новогодними подарками.Мы ценим ваше время! Обратитесь к нам – и наши инженера дадут вам грамотную консультацию по любому вопросу бурения и обустройства скважины.
Haiku # 71087, July 29, 2021 5:50 am ET
by Donaldayz of Philippines
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