Is the glass half full?
Or is it just half empty?
Who cares? Bring more beer.

I pushed a pencil
Up my nose to sharpen it
Now I use crayons

just got out of bed
a new day nods its welcome
but first, take a whiz

Matt Stone, Trey Parker.
They are such clever buggers.
I just thought I''d say.

when the dog explores
her tail wags, her eyes light up
bugs are edible

Charging like bunnies,
with windswept ears and sharp teeth
Kiss my ass, Copper!!

Real Hot and Shiny
Like a bucket of chicken
Hey Fruity!! Look there!

Lumbering uphill
Back-tits making a sine wave
There!! It''s a fat guy!!
Gee, I wonder if
He could eat a whole roast pig
maybe a baby.

warm borborygmi
gurgling deep in my gizzard
preludes to a fart

a long way from home
a whole continent removed
sorry. no punch line.

on the sea of dreams,
asleep, adrift and carefree,
dog''s butt in my face

dinoflagellates,
unicellular zoa,
cute little fuckers

server connection
takes forever and a day
time to take two dumps

Puta que pariu
Vai tomar no cu
Filho duma puta!

made my peace with God
at least I hope it was God
I was really drunk

dreamt my dick could talk
it had a nice crisp accent
like Sean Connery''s

I showed them I care
when my group missed the deadline
I feigned a seizure

Great pools of jism
Covers the streets like treacle
Yes, it''s raining men

A big oval comes
In the sky with the eclipse
Oops, I mean elipse

Water pouring down
From the sodden atmosphere
Just like God`s wee wee

Shifty artisans
Wreak havoc with their hammers
Come, let us bite them

I have no kitchen
Yet I must cook some kievs
Hey, pass that candle

''Yeah, shag baby, yeah.''
If one more person says that
I''ll kill them. I will.

Grotesquely painted
They climb the stairs together
I hide in cupboard.

Grotesquely painted
They climb the stairs together
I hide in cupboard.

damn that hollywood
because he stops submitting
if he is happy

there is nothing worse
than great expectoration''s
vile phlegmatism

If they spoke English
oh how they would laugh, up there
high on Mount Titlis.

I sat in my car
Guttermouth played loudly
Man, do I feel Fucked

''you''ll be glad you did''
that is what it said up there
my heart feels sorrow

in my own office
I sit on my lazy ass
monkey, keep typing!

footprint shaped poodle
Japanese man is screaming
oh no,is Godzilla!

Jimmy Kimmel and
Adam Corrola say to
eat sticks of butter

well, it''s almost time
return to college dammit
I eat the raw beans

It gets pretty sore
If you play with it too much
Then it all goes numb

Nobody wants me
Perhaps it''s because I smell
of elderberries

The ginger-haired girl
Sings like a siren by the
Photocopier

When I am made King
I''ll wear a hollow melon
Instead of a crown

When I saw Star Wars
Princess Leia forced me to
Test fire my Death Star

Alone in my room
I eat cold beans from the tin
In my vest and pants

''Just like a Mandog
you chase tail in a circle.''
XTC, the wags.

An old newspaper
Lies on the ground, in the rain
Just getting wetter

I just don''t get it
What''s with these apostrophes?
There''s one too many...

I like Jane Fonda
I couldn''t eat all of her
But I''d make a start

I wish I could fly
In the air like an eagle
That eats small people

I bought new sockets
And polished up all my plugs
Big plug fun tonight!

Oh didnt you hear?
Apostrophes are pass

Oh didnt you hear?
Apostrophes are pass

Bastard newsagent
didn''t deliver paper
*and* he has a beard.

Bastard newsagent
didn''t deliver paper
*and* he has a beard.

I send six haiku
to your wonderful website
oh, wait, now seven.