Curse you, cold woman
Withholding your affections
I''m smoking again

Many regulars,
could I possibly compete?
Yeah, I''m pretty sure

This is really bad
Haiku and should contain one
more syllable

do not speak until
the day''s eyes flutter open
and tongue-crud is scraped

the inventor of
shoes must once have trod upon
fresh turds left by dogs

The glass ain''t half-full
Neither is it half-empty.
The milk is sour.

just cos i can type
i will send in this haiku
and a thousand more

aspect ratio
flatters my slim empennage
i fly like a bird

It was a fine day and I hit a website
www.badhaiku.com
I submitted and I cried

I wrestle for kicks
With Conga Eels in a tub
The kids sure like it

The magic number
Is three, or so I''m informed
It''s remarkable

I tattooed myself
With a chainsaw and some paint
It says "I love Mnnnfp"

I broke my joystick
By waggling it too roughly
Is there a moral?

Microwave ovens
Heat food using microwaves
Now that`s a fact Jack

That sneaky trumpet
Dribbled warmly down my thigh
PVC pants, yeah!

tea and cucumber
sandwiches and debutantes
jaw clenching, "thanks mom"

If it''s Saturday
It must be Sao Paolo
Or at least Cardiff

I am a viking
I have two enormous horns
Stuck on my helmet

When masticating
Please, try to keep your mouth closed
Else the food falls out

Is the glass half full?
Or is it just half empty?
Who cares? Bring more beer.

I pushed a pencil
Up my nose to sharpen it
Now I use crayons

just got out of bed
a new day nods its welcome
but first, take a whiz

Matt Stone, Trey Parker.
They are such clever buggers.
I just thought I''d say.

when the dog explores
her tail wags, her eyes light up
bugs are edible

Charging like bunnies,
with windswept ears and sharp teeth
Kiss my ass, Copper!!

Real Hot and Shiny
Like a bucket of chicken
Hey Fruity!! Look there!

Lumbering uphill
Back-tits making a sine wave
There!! It''s a fat guy!!
Gee, I wonder if
He could eat a whole roast pig
maybe a baby.

warm borborygmi
gurgling deep in my gizzard
preludes to a fart

a long way from home
a whole continent removed
sorry. no punch line.

on the sea of dreams,
asleep, adrift and carefree,
dog''s butt in my face

dinoflagellates,
unicellular zoa,
cute little fuckers

server connection
takes forever and a day
time to take two dumps

Puta que pariu
Vai tomar no cu
Filho duma puta!

made my peace with God
at least I hope it was God
I was really drunk

dreamt my dick could talk
it had a nice crisp accent
like Sean Connery''s

I showed them I care
when my group missed the deadline
I feigned a seizure

Great pools of jism
Covers the streets like treacle
Yes, it''s raining men

A big oval comes
In the sky with the eclipse
Oops, I mean elipse

Water pouring down
From the sodden atmosphere
Just like God`s wee wee

Shifty artisans
Wreak havoc with their hammers
Come, let us bite them

I have no kitchen
Yet I must cook some kievs
Hey, pass that candle

''Yeah, shag baby, yeah.''
If one more person says that
I''ll kill them. I will.

Grotesquely painted
They climb the stairs together
I hide in cupboard.

Grotesquely painted
They climb the stairs together
I hide in cupboard.

damn that hollywood
because he stops submitting
if he is happy

there is nothing worse
than great expectoration''s
vile phlegmatism

If they spoke English
oh how they would laugh, up there
high on Mount Titlis.

I sat in my car
Guttermouth played loudly
Man, do I feel Fucked

''you''ll be glad you did''
that is what it said up there
my heart feels sorrow

in my own office
I sit on my lazy ass
monkey, keep typing!

footprint shaped poodle
Japanese man is screaming
oh no,is Godzilla!