Haiku Telethon
Until syllables are gone
Get it on. Bang Gong!

hmm i guess i will
have to watch the telethon
on youtube with him

Jerry Lewis and
the other guy there, oh my then
he looked like shatner

in his old age...

Labour Day, that is.
Jerry Lewis will dirt nap.
He makes the worms laugh

You can wear white pants
After Memorial Day
If there's a poop stain

Visit Glasgow Zoo
Monkeys throw feces at you
That's the Highland Fling

Beautiful Pussy
Oh, you mean my "Scottish fold."
Stick your hand in. Cold?

Which one's hairier ?
Crack of your derrière or
Scottish Terrier?

Wearing of the kilt
Means no more pants shitting guilt
Shit in the heather

Underneath his kilt
You'll find the missing bagpipes
Blow at your own risk

Been listening to
Sithu Aye, band from Scotland
Surprised no bagpipes

Feeling free down there
I stopped wearing underwear
I go commando

Crank up the ABBA
So they won't hear you jerk off
Does your mother know?

She's in the kitchen
Preparing Swedish Meatballs
With sticky fingers

Radioactive?
They're all happy to see us!
Extending boners.

I am celibate
But open to relations
With Space Aliens

Polyester Slacks
Hot summer nights. Pink sweaty ass.
The Bingo Parlour

Watch the robot dance
I think it just shit its pants
Clang, Clunk. A metal chunk.

Now some oily gunk
Back up Human! Watch me spew...
Robot Diarrhea Stew

Did you lose something?
We found your dirty dildo
In the parking lot

Bright orange manure
He belongs in in the sewer
President? No way.

He turned sixty times
Hunched out a YUGE steaming coil
Trump! Get off my lawn!!

Hemingway kittens
Wear polydactyl mittens
They eat Key Lime pie

I am a writer
Sometimes pull an all nighter
New to Bad Haiku

Pay troll toll and pass
Toll payable in haikus
Breath sigh of relief

tried sake, liked it
better, not on here all day
have stuff to do...bah

Be considerate
It's ok to masturbate
Don't make Uber wait

Tired of Bad Haiku?
How 'bout trying seppuku
Then you'll smell like poo

Boring-ass Haiku:
Count Japanese syllables
Then ask: What the FUCK?

When I was married
Tried to iron the wrinkles
On husband's penis

A costly divorce
(Blush) He was hung like a horse
Took to the cleaners

A Wrinkle In Time:
movie filmed in Wakanda
I'll never see it

Original text
Was full-on Anglo-Saxon;
Disney fucked it up.

Anything for love
Guys, He ain't a cannibal
Tofu! No Meatloaf!!

No he won't do That
But he sure expects a lot
By the dashboard light

Lobster Thermidor
Now it coats the bathroom floor
Sudden Downeaster

Funny thing, Rockland, Maine
From where my grandmother came
I won't say her name

Damn river turned brown
Michael Flatley is in town
Lord of the Shat Pants

From Shitkakago
Out pops the Cork in his bum
Everybody run!

well the spam eggs spam
sausage with gyros spam beans
refried plantains and

spam are off

damn it is someone
writing a scatological
poem novel?

Hear my sexy dream
Making love. Windows all steam.
Talk Dirty! Mr. Clean!!

Have you ever fucked
A priest up the ass with a
Flaming broomhandle?

Take two Hail Marys
And call me in the morning.
Communion: Pringles

Haiku birthed Haiku
into another context
My mom yelled: DINNER !

Catholic Civil War;
My Protestants be all like:
"Yo that shit FUNNY"

All those fart haikus
and excrementality --
yes, you are quite sick

Catholic Civil War
Oh God imagine the guilt
That one wrote itself

My silken nightie
forced to leave the Motherland
becuz we wuz KANGZ

Trump this and Trump that . . .
Damn. Can't even find my keys.
(keyless in Hell now.)

Solid Gold Dancers
Perhaps it was a mistake
Force feeding them corn

...Shitty Music Hall
It's a fecal free for all
Time for Curtain Call

The Rockettes kick high
That's when the poop starts to fly
Radio Shitty....

Hey, That's Gene Kelly
His trousers sure are smelly
Wash them in the rain!

Made the switch to tap
All that bouncing made me crap.
Wardrobe Malfunction!

Jazz hands in the air
All the right moves. Fred Astaire.
With brown underwear

Nutcracker not sweet
Got kicked out of ballet class
Reason: Smelly Ass

That Baryshnikov
He only farts when he runs
Not when he's dancing

i am about to
implode into a black hole
fuck the left, censored...