Spooge Blaster 5K
Kind of a mouthful to say
Safety always off

That extra syllable was my head

One day I just might
put my head on the train tracks
Flat souvenir for you

Will it bring good luck?
Carry it in your pocket
Bet on the horses

That was a funny little song

Might I recommend
a bit of Roger Waters.
Title's "Our Song."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRGe8iK0jvE&t=21s

When your instrument
is covered with excrement
simply wipe it clean

the next song appears
on the Karaoke screen
Come on, join the scene!

It's like a kazoo
but it's built inside of you
Play too hard, you'll poo

Whatever it is
that makes the sound of our farts
Your own work of art

Why so serious?
All this tragedy and pain?
It's an illusion.

Row, row, row your boat.
Merrily et cetera.
Life is but a dream.

You speak of covid.
I must reply with flatus.
Try not to splat us.

Fret over borders?
Here's a pic of balot eggs.
Least your not a duck.

Times are serious.
You only talk about farts.
What is your problem?

I've not named my dink.
The Spooge Blaster 5000?
I guess that could work.

So, what do you think
of the name I gave my dink?
Your love's in the sink.

Have you tried ear wax?
It's like a gourmet Cheez-Whiz
Pairs well with boogers

Charcuterie board
Crackers served on a boner
Try the hairy grapes

Snopes had no answer
Do all men nickname their dinks?
Does yours have a name?

What does it do then,
this Whorendous covid strain?
How deadly is it?

Not deadly at all.
Uncontrollable flatus.
Boner won't go down.

What a fun winter.
It's just in time for Christmas.
Avoid open flames.

Prostitutes don't care
if you have covid or not.
Farts are not allowed.

So then I told her
"Yes, my farts are very loud."
She laughed; no discount.

We both coughed a lot.
Our viruses intertwined.
We made a new strain!

An angel appears
Guess you won't be needing this....
Steals my granola

A Mountain I climb
Beneath my feet a rock slips
My spine crumples hard

I clapped her butt cheeks
I should have pulled out this time
Life is pulling out

Commies must be stopped.
Our future depends on this.
Stop them with haiku!

Whatever you do,
do NOT use Google Translate;
bots come to your door!

Goddamn those Ruskies.
Communist propaganda.
Internet crime lords.

Железнодорожные перевозки. Случай возникновения и развития
Сегодня грузовые железнодорожные перевозки представляют собой симбиоз инженерных достижений в области средств передвижения и оптимального процесса управления продвижением товаров и услуг через поставщиков к потребителям. Железнодорожные превозки. ТК БИРТРАНСЖелезнодорожные перевозки грузов по-прежнему считаются самым быстрым, удобным и наименее затратным способом доставки различных грузов – через тяжелой строительной техники предварительно скоро портящихся продуктов питания.Объясняется это в первую очередь тем, что железнодорожные перевозки находятся вне конкуренции, когда речь идет о транспортировке тяжелых и негабаритных грузов: строительной техники (кранов, экскаваторов, самосвалов), крупногабаритных технических изделий (положим, опор ЛЭП, железобетонных плит, перекрытий и т.п.). Железнодорожные превозки. ТК БИРТРАНС Присутствие этом размеры данных грузов ограничены чуть размерами самого подвижного состава, какой будет осуществлять железнодорожную перевозку. Более того - современная строительная техника целенаправленно проектируется именно с расчетом для то, что ее доставка будет осуществляться железнодорожным транспортом.
Для всем протяжении цивилизации прислуга всегда задумывался, чем ему перетащить иначе перевезти тяжелый, крупногабаритный, так и весь всякий бремя, который он сам не в состоянии перенести. Так были изобретены простые транспортные имущество, как сани, повозка, плот, лодка. Когда старание человека в качестве тяговой силы уже было не довольно, человек стали извлекать животных: волов, верблюдов и, понятно же, лошадей.
Снова в Древней Греции существовала необходимость перевозки тяжеловесного и негабаритного груза. Ради сокращения водного пути из Саронического залива в Коринфский существовал каменный способ, называемый Диолком с глубокими желобами в качестве направляющих и что служил ради перемещения волоком тяжелых кораблей.

That Duck Figparther...
Always at it, parthing Figs.
His syllables: mixed.

I'm Darth Figpucker
and I'm a haiku addict.
It's been ten hours

since my last haiku.
Sweaty balls zoo trip hard drugs
shoplifted French cheese.

Or something like that.
Should we perhaps talk physics?
Quantum computing?

Warp drive possible?
Superconductor progress?
Cryogenic sleep?

Or magnetic powder infused dingleberries that can be launched at Mach-4 from a portable rail-gun toward politicians that we don't like. (Which would be all of them, yeah?) Not large enough to kill but just do permanaent brain damage so they can be put in nursing facilities and sexually abused daily live streamed on the Dark Web (which really isn't all that dark.) And the proceeds go to help hungry and homeless children around the world. Yes? I'm glad you agree!

You are Darth. What's new?
You must have a haiku load
or a classic rant

I show up for that
Not an obsession
More like addiction

Everyone has left.
It's only me and Darth here.
Where is the haiku?

Yes, wear a toupee
Glue your skull rug on today
That's when the fun starts

This Sunday, at church
Sail it frisbee style at Mass
Enjoy the chaos

Think of confession
as a free handjob session
Wait for the police

In jail on Sunday
You'll reflect on this fun day
Skip work on Monday

Some will celebrate.
It's Christopher Reeves' birthday.
But I thought he sucked.

Not all that super.
Cheesy nineteen eighties flicks.
Boring and lifeless.

Won't you please join in
Celebrating 30 years
going commando

Can't afford a laptop
I'm a poet like Basho
I'm low on cash-o

My rhymes are killer
But I'm low on the scrilla
Crying in my pillow

Cure this infection
with a fat cash injection
You'll get affection

Do not bash Basho.
He did not eat rotten dogs.
Like Filippinos.

He had a brown purse.
His verse is worse in a hearse.
Makes you tearse and curse.

Basho's no ash-ho.
He good guy; buy you sake.
You drink to Basho!

Basho the poet.
If I can go back in time,
I'd show him my schlong.

I forgot to add
The answer works out to be
Good old sixty nine

To McEggBalot
Or to McEggBalot not
That is the question

I've hired an agency
to recount all the haiku here.
The results are in

These experts include
a neutral mathematician
and cephalopods

There is no question
Everyone here's a winner
I love all of you

I've hidden a prize
somewhere in this bad haiku
Hint: the prize is smelly

Oh sunrise Nippon!
Oh school-uniformed young girls!
Defeated nation !

I don't see the dog man
I see the seagull

You should not read this.
You are not near old enough.
I'll tell your mother.

But how will you drown?
Swim nude until exhausted
wearing cement shoes?

A better idea
Have Ben and Jerry kill you.
New! Suicide Pints

Last Midnight Snack
Fresh Strawberry Slashed Wrist Swirl
Pretzel Noose Fudge Crunch

Serve it cold slab style
Your choice of tasty mix-ins
In the freezer aisle

Damn, I love onions
I think they make you horny
(Flashes bright green dink)

To Egg McMuffin,
Or not to Egg McMuffin?
That is The Question.

I would like to drown
in a huge vat of ice cream.
Haagen Dazs coffee.

On a full stomach
of lox and cream cheese bagels.
And asparagus.

The asparagus
in a lemon butter sauce.
And fresh ground pepper.

The bagel sandwich
of course with tomatoes and
thinly sliced onions.

As for the ice cream,
I will just swim nude and free.
No wet suit, thank you.

You want left overs?
I guess that would be a mocha.
I'm so devious.

Oh my effing G!
That old man is VHS.
Previous Jap life!

The old man is gone,
but he left his pic on here
so I'll toss one off.

The old man is gone!
The wise poet of dog-verse
has taken his leave.

Dinos, dinks, and poo.
The gentlemen samurai
rolling in their graves.

Anywho... he's hot.
Squeal like a piggy, boy!
Jap deliverance.

The rotten dog guy.
The guy at top of this page!
Up at the top right.

If you don't see him,
maybe you're just on your phone.
He's got text balloon.

What a sight to see
Watching dinosaurs go poop
Did they bury it?

Someone fill me in
Did dinosaurs have big dinks?
Who would know this stuff?