Richard Gere's hamster?
She died about one year back.
No, it wasn't me!

You may ridicule.
Anal health is important.
And must be discussed.

Wait a minute here!
Mexican food in Japan?
You must tell me where!

Think sushi taco.
Literally, that's to say.
Not Asian hookers.

But maybe those too!
Sushi taco, my new fave!
But it's confusing.

Eat it or fuck it.
In Japan, anything goes.
I cannot decide.

Coming down now (sigh...)
The meth is wearing off. Damn.
Time to rob a bank.

Tell me why this site
Isn't bigger than Twitter.
It deserves to be!

Help me Uncle Clem !
I done REELAPST and caint quit.
On haiku agin.

Cherry blossoms, wind...
the lantern bridge festival
has ended: moonlight.

Therefore let us dream
of chrysanthemum blossoms
at the Kyoto gate

But seriously:
we must restore to Haiku
style and dignity.

You mention Tinkoff?
Then I may have to drink off
my Shanghai chink-off.

Hey you, Figpucker !
I heard Richard Gere's hamster
is looking for you.

Jen Psaki, wearing
Santa suit and big black boots
drunk and staggering...

She hugs a reindeer,
babbles incoherently,
vomits in the snow.

Dressed in green and red,
thousands of little Faucis
with bells on their toes.

Croaking of Covid,
Jumping and dancing in glee
waving syringes.

Now, everyone's an
Epidemiologist.
We're so well-informed...

With power there comes
great responsibility,
which isn't so fun.

No! Do NOT try it.
Tinkoff will take your dink off.
If you even care.

I live on the fez.
Those silly old Shriner hats.
I am just a louse.

I live on The Pez.
Those old dispenser candies.
That is all I eat.

Darth is "Starkitten".
Starkitten lives "on the rez".
Uh-huh. Whatever...

I'm on the toilet.
Been sitting here for some time.
Damn cheese plugged me up.

Sometimes I'd like to.
No, I don't rule anything.
That is beneath me.

There are some "lows" that
even I will not sink to.
I'll leave that to the...

politicians and dictators.

Darth rules!

I say ju gringos
Ju no know nothing for food.
Ustedes tontos.

Cui es sabroso.
Comimos sus mascotes,
Con apetito...

Hamster's lives are short.
You can make them meaningful.
Fill them up with love.

What's really awesome,
if you don't like a hamster,
feed it to the cat.

Hamsters are the best.
You can legally keep them
locked up in cages.

Frogs are not loyal.
My penis has enough warts.
Stay away from pigs.

We're all one person.
You, me, Janis, the private
investigator.

All one entity
in one titty squirting milk
into my coffee.

i know someone who
likes frogs better, is it french
or are they alp frogs?

Are you kidding me??
Hamsters can go all night long
and still ask for more.

i get this idea
its one person talking to
themselves then i post.

Darth, you foul villain,
You have now out-done yourself.
And your hamsters too....

i hope tim allen
was not reading these, he might
have went 'auuuuooohhhh?'

Underoos are great,
but the crotch has too much space
for my small penis.

I cannot decide
which Underoos I like best.
Batman or The Flash.

A true narcissist
wanks in front of the mirror
smelling their undies.

Much like a poet
who writes only for themselves
while eating fine cheese.

Get free vibrators
for underprivileged women;
ToysForTwats dot com.

Done with Asian girls.
Hamsters wearing Underoos.
Viagra pellets.

Why I love hamsters.
I can stuff my whole penis
in their cheek pouches.

I love Amazon.
Ordering hamster outfits.
Leather and strap-ons.

I'm Darth Figpucker
and I'm a hamster addict.
It's been seven days.

I molest hamsters.
PetSmart restraining order.
Thank God there's PetCo.

I wear disguises.
Dressing up like a poodle.
Then sniff dogs' buttholes.

I wear Underoos
and wank watching videos
of myself wanking.

I can't piss myself.
I am nothing but urine.
A big pee puddle.

If you are evil,
then what are you doing here?
Go commit some crimes.

Now I'm really DONE.
Now I have reached my limit.
Thus, I write haiku.

Visualization.
Imagine a trickling stream.
Darth, you pissed yourself!

"Sticking feathers up
your ass will not make you a
chicken," said Tyler.