Dear Hollywood, if
Your monkey won't perform, is
It fair to spank it?

Ambulance chasing
Nina Simone, I saw her
Live. She was, barely.

So many shoppers,
So few rounds, so little time.
I'm so unlucky.

Unwary targets
Below: Rounds left at home. That's
Just so typical.

Thank you to Janis
For this bad haiku website
I really dig it

Fashion disaster
Why are you back on the streets?
Cut off bell bottoms.

Alcole
When no goal
fills headhole

Roman mothers said
"Ubi bubi sub-ubi"
Always wear underwear

Consultants Arise!
Nothing to lose but our brains
Let's all go postal.

Midnight at Wal-Mart:
"Get your own fucking Furby
'Cos I was here first!"

Christmas Eve taste treat
Reindeer meat good on the grill
But a bit gamey

I tied up Santa
Capped him in back of the head
Execution style

my patient freaked out
during the venepuncture
and bent the needle

work here ten years
they'll drill a hole in your desk
and let you fuck it

think its illegal
to teach a monkey how to
give humans handjobs?

My eyes really hurt
From the smoke filled room last night
Guess I shouldn't smoke

Nine volt battery
In my mouth on Saturday
Is extra heavy duty

A slave to the drink
Days and nights never ending
Need a second wind

What does one call a
Piece of cheese that belongs to
One's friend? Nach yo' cheeze!

I've got blisters. I
Must stop pulling myself off
During working hours.

If it weren't for guys
like me I would never be
able to say that

It's the day after
I'm the only one at work
Check out Ladie's Room

I honestly hope
that the next time I see you,
you somehow catch fire

Go away teachers
How much I'd like to kill you
All these years wasted!!!

Jesus and Elvis
Are painted on black velvet.
Are they the same guy?

I can't count -- big shit
Five, seven, five syllables?
Hey, it's bad haiku.

A helium-filled
Hindenburg: "Oh the human-
Hey! I'm Mickey Mouse!"

A dingo ate my
Baby!
Sparklingly novel As excuses go.

Sometimes I wonder
Where did we go, what went wrong?
I guess it's over.

Tortured girl is she
Searching for answers not found
Why not look within?

God I love the beats
God I love San Francisco
Vesuvio Bar!!!

I tried to e-mail
gloriously bad haiku
"Transfer Interrupt!" Shit.

She loved my poems,
poured me drinks and never bitched.
I should have kept her.

I am so damn bored -- Changed my internet home page to Heaven's Gate Web Site.

SHE SMELL SO BAD YES
I ALMOST NOT EAT
OK SHE FINE NOW!

look out the window
can the weatherman predict
better than tarot?

pass them fuckin peas
pass them fuckin potatoes
happy thanksgiving

Toilet is broken
Landlady is so lazy
I pee in her yard

Ice Cold Forty Ounce
Piss Puke Cum Sleep Cigarette
Quench Dark phallic Thirst

Marriage bonds don't last,
But a year, or sometimes two
Let's use Super Glue!

Isolation air
table breathes like Darth Vader
when you lean on it.

Internet porn, thou
art a villainous scourge 'pon
my soul. And too slow.

smelled my chair's cushion
after working here two years
please infer the rest

dear Agent Scully
you're so hot I'd volunteer
for an autopsy

Lenny Kravitz, I
want you to get away too
Fly far away. Now.

Covered in cow drool
Today I learnt to ignore
Yesterday

solid gold auto six hundred feet per gallon gets soft in the sun

Rain, Rain, Rain, Rain, Rain
Easier to face winter
If planning Mex trip

Rev'rund Jim nicht Deutsch
Arbeit Macht Frei. Was Arben?
Arbey's macht Roast Beef