Isolation air
table breathes like Darth Vader
when you lean on it.

Internet porn, thou
art a villainous scourge 'pon
my soul. And too slow.

smelled my chair's cushion
after working here two years
please infer the rest

dear Agent Scully
you're so hot I'd volunteer
for an autopsy

Lenny Kravitz, I
want you to get away too
Fly far away. Now.

Covered in cow drool
Today I learnt to ignore
Yesterday

solid gold auto six hundred feet per gallon gets soft in the sun

Rain, Rain, Rain, Rain, Rain
Easier to face winter
If planning Mex trip

Rev'rund Jim nicht Deutsch
Arbeit Macht Frei. Was Arben?
Arbey's macht Roast Beef

Lie down in a field.
Cows will come up to lick you.
Why won

Sing with dyslexics:

pull on the joystick
feeding up elevator
as i soar skywards

There are many fish
in the sea but I am not
a fisher man though

in throes of passion
although it wasn't my aim
i fucked my back

Some of these haiku
are cleaver or erotic
others, just profane

Stop complaining, eh?
It'll get you nowhere fast
You're just a fuckwit

Sit! Sit, dammit Sit!
Sit down! Sit! Want a treat? Sit!!!
All right, fuck you, Ma

Dismiss frustration
Strike at grand truths throughfits of
Curiosity

serious actor
removes his teeth with pliers
to play an old man

lost that great job when
my boss caught me smoking pot
while fucking his wife

romantic dinner:
sixteen sunfish, some dead leaves,
and strawberry milk

Work harder, scum! Or
You'll regret it. Remember
Arben macht temp staff!

Radical priests know
It's an adrenaline rite!!
Extreme Unction! Woaaah!!!

Real bad vacation
Where the hell is everyone?
"Oh, Hi, Gilligan

Go right ahead, friend
Get right up into my face
Spit on me you whore

and another thing
i almost forgot to say
whatdoyoucallit?

Cynical work bitch,
I'd pay to see someone kick
you right in the smush

If the Fonz was so
Cool, how come he hung out with
Fuckwits like Potzy?

Now, that's not to say
You should put on blue pants,but
Use your fucking head

Dum dum dum dum dum
Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum
Smoke on the water.

Bad haiku is good.
Oxymoronic? wise? Ahhh!
Think about it! Ahhhhhhhhh!

Velvet Underground
From Sweet Jane to Candy Says
This band rocks my world

Where are you tonight?
Spinning in circles no doubt
On auto pilot

Am I lonesome now?
Yes, I am lonesome tonight
Thank you, internet

Over vinyards flock
fluttering wings of starlings.
Aerobatic flight.

YOU THINK YOUR LIFE SUCKS?
WELL IT DOES, SO YOU ARE RIGHT
WHEW! SUCKS TO BE YOU!

I DO SO HATE MEN
MAYBE I SHOULD CONSIDER
FINDING A GIRLFRIEND

Hey pretty birdie
Perched high upon the treetop
Please don't poop on me

counting syllables
i had a slight problem there
so sue me okay

hollywood bonfire
i enjoy your haiku, but
you are one sick puppy

hollywood bonfire
i enjoy your haiku, but
you are one sick puppy

Squirrels eating nuts
If they only knew the truth
They're all gonna die

Flying bananas
Have stained the walls around me
Stale, mushy debris

I wrote a rock song
called 'let's tit fuck the fat guy'
I should tone it down

Some people think that
I am living in the sun
But it is cold here

Hot origami
Spewing from the Canon's mouth
Aieee!!! Paper jam!

Cow Revolution!
We will be discarded on
History

If Fate was a cop
I'd shoot him with his gun, and
play with his siren.

cops make me nervous
in my trunk I still have those
two rotting pandas

If not for the wife
I'd start me a smack habit
Thanks a lot, you bitch