remind your children
under all that pretty meat
scary skeletons

I went to the zoo
and saw them eat Wonder-Bread!
Poor, poor sad hippos.

I am just showing
My mom how forms work on this
Silly internet

acalculia
i ponder the mystery
as i tap my desk

cremated showman
past prestidigitator
vanishing in a puff

exploring the lost
continents of uranus
may well reveal shit

Ginkgo Biloba Give me brains of alien I work in I.T.

Phoenix, rainy day --
Happens once every four months --
Shut up, stop whining.

this is my haiku
my haiku sucks very much
oh well that's okay

Chronic whiners, you
may NOT cheer in the good times
I will not have it


ps touchdown, bledsoe

Open your present
No, please, you open your gift
Kazcinski Christmas

Fearlessly we pitch
Ourselves naked into the
Squid-filled pond liner

receptionist smirks
at my magazine; she knows
I'll be crapping soon

Homecomeing Hero!
Triumphant, brave, strong and true
Fuck Flutie Magic

Reading on the train
"This Side of Paradise"--shake
my head, mutter: "broads"

reincarnation
come back as a leotard
extra-large, uh-oh

first Dennis Rodman
then I get sloppy seconds
your mom's a party

good morning sunshine
good morning grey underwear
good morning bong hit

Cryogenic sleep
Defrost me when this fucking
Swing fad is over

Give me a break!
Blues, brother
Knight of despair

My hair is falling
Out in clumps like willow leaves.
Lousy isotopes!

My hair is falling
Out in clumps like willow leaves.
Lousy isotopes!

Dear Hollywood, if
Your monkey won't perform, is
It fair to spank it?

Ambulance chasing
Nina Simone, I saw her
Live. She was, barely.

So many shoppers,
So few rounds, so little time.
I'm so unlucky.

Unwary targets
Below: Rounds left at home. That's
Just so typical.

Thank you to Janis
For this bad haiku website
I really dig it

Fashion disaster
Why are you back on the streets?
Cut off bell bottoms.

Alcole
When no goal
fills headhole

Roman mothers said
"Ubi bubi sub-ubi"
Always wear underwear

Consultants Arise!
Nothing to lose but our brains
Let's all go postal.

Midnight at Wal-Mart:
"Get your own fucking Furby
'Cos I was here first!"

Christmas Eve taste treat
Reindeer meat good on the grill
But a bit gamey

I tied up Santa
Capped him in back of the head
Execution style

my patient freaked out
during the venepuncture
and bent the needle

work here ten years
they'll drill a hole in your desk
and let you fuck it

think its illegal
to teach a monkey how to
give humans handjobs?

My eyes really hurt
From the smoke filled room last night
Guess I shouldn't smoke

Nine volt battery
In my mouth on Saturday
Is extra heavy duty

A slave to the drink
Days and nights never ending
Need a second wind

What does one call a
Piece of cheese that belongs to
One's friend? Nach yo' cheeze!

I've got blisters. I
Must stop pulling myself off
During working hours.

If it weren't for guys
like me I would never be
able to say that

It's the day after
I'm the only one at work
Check out Ladie's Room

I honestly hope
that the next time I see you,
you somehow catch fire

Go away teachers
How much I'd like to kill you
All these years wasted!!!

Jesus and Elvis
Are painted on black velvet.
Are they the same guy?

I can't count -- big shit
Five, seven, five syllables?
Hey, it's bad haiku.

A helium-filled
Hindenburg: "Oh the human-
Hey! I'm Mickey Mouse!"