Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 165 Days and 77045 Haiku later...

do i go along with
the joke and respond or do
i do my own thing??????
Haiku # 53884, June 6, 2016 11:57 am ET
by vhs
My wife is too fat.
I don't want to fuck her now.
What am I to do?
Haiku # 53883, June 6, 2016 6:03 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
i had a poem
on my mind but now it slips
what i was to say
Haiku # 53882, June 5, 2016 3:36 pm ET
by vhs
Rio De Janeiro
Filthy rotten trash cesspool
Lets go for a swim
Haiku # 53881, June 5, 2016 12:53 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
pour some sugar on
def leppard waits to hear the
sarcasm fly out
Haiku # 53879, June 3, 2016 12:29 pm ET
by vhs
Coffee enima.
Do you take cream and sugar?
That one lump or two?
Haiku # 53878, June 1, 2016 3:17 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
i drink coffee and
i drink more coffee and then
write stuff about it
Haiku # 53877, June 1, 2016 12:49 pm ET
by vhs of well it said 'bad haiku' this is pretty bad
There is a spider
I opened up my asshole
It crawled right inside
Haiku # 53876, May 31, 2016 11:19 am ET
by filthy-nard
I don't have any eyes
Accidentally ate glass
Now I have no tongue
Haiku # 53875, May 31, 2016 11:18 am ET
by filthy-nard of MY SKIIIIINNNN
I'd lose a finger
to lose the ring that's attached
and free my penis.

That's spontaneous.
I don't know where that came from.
Or maybe I do.

Priorities suck.
Sacrifices FOR children.
Not like Abraham.
Haiku # 53874, May 30, 2016 6:15 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Except for one ring,
I am completely naked
reading about poop.

Pooping in buckets.
So, like, where else would one poop
if not in a bucket?

Since you're getting old,
put it on your bucket list.
Call it a shit list.

I'm glad I'm naked
in an electric fan breeze
blowing on my balls.
Haiku # 53873, May 30, 2016 6:09 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
how the hell can one
take a health clinic serious
if there's "mayo" in

the name of the place
fat on sandwiches reducing
chance at ill health?
Haiku # 53872, May 30, 2016 12:26 pm ET
by vhs
well also there's these new
channels on tv, viceland
people poop in buckets

skating, rebel gen
x crap for millenials
and of course, skating
Haiku # 53871, May 30, 2016 12:17 pm ET
by vhs
well if you give your
own self a blowjob is that
not cannibalism?

well you are eating
yourself...terrible joke you
know really, ah hell
Haiku # 53870, May 30, 2016 12:14 pm ET
by vhs
Eating itself up.
Like a gay contortionist.
Christ, I am tasteless.
Haiku # 53869, May 30, 2016 4:46 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
and is this bboard
eating itself up sadly
early, late and speed
Haiku # 53868, May 29, 2016 11:34 am ET
by vhs
And self-fucking men
are more poetic than, say,
bad haiku dot com.
Haiku # 53867, May 28, 2016 11:31 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Self-referenced poems
are more gay than a pile
of fat men fucking.
Haiku # 53866, May 28, 2016 11:26 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Humans should all die.
They've not one good quality.
This, for example.
Haiku # 53865, May 28, 2016 11:23 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker.
there were once bboards
people posted about things
now robots post things

who needs viagra
from bangladesh when the world
has turned satired
Haiku # 53862, May 28, 2016 11:34 am ET
by vhs
well this is the world
of the future people who
have no sense of

history making
our computers, tablets and
devices to rule
Haiku # 53860, May 27, 2016 11:35 am ET
by vhs
Why are poets gay?
They think pens are penises.
And so hold them close.
Haiku # 53857, May 23, 2016 10:28 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Masturbating rules!
Spanking it beats sex with you.
He said to his wife.
Haiku # 53856, May 23, 2016 7:05 am ET
by df
I suck hamburgers.
Erotic cow grease dribbles.
With condom French fries.

Ice cream lubricant.
Peanut butter and KY.
Inappropriate.

Balcony pot shot.
Ten story sex food aiming.
Various targets.

Security guard!
Seven hundred points.
He should wear a hat.
Haiku # 53854, May 22, 2016 10:04 pm ET
by DF
His wife just left him.
She is having an affair.
With his fat sister.

He would have been glad,
but now his ex will get half
the inheritance.
Haiku # 53853, May 22, 2016 6:14 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Ants in the tropics.
They get in one's underwear,
biting tender parts.
Haiku # 53849, May 21, 2016 1:54 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
"You are so stupid."
"You are a worthless turd ball."
This ain't about you!

You just don't get it.
You should bungee jump sans rope.
No, I don't mean you.

The one behind you.
That's who I'm talking about.
No, the other one!

God! Fucking wake up.
Now pay attention shit bag.
This ain't about you!
Haiku # 53848, May 21, 2016 1:33 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Mandingleberry.
Ebola Cola toilet.
Bloody hemorrhage.

Refreshing virus
carbonated beverage
that just might kill you.

The death toll is past
Eleven thousand humans.
Will China be next?
Haiku # 53847, May 20, 2016 10:05 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Hating is pure work.
Battling an uphill force.
And work is stupid.

Here there is no hate.
Nor is there one ounce of love.
Only apathy.

But in a good way.
Prepare yourself to let go
all you fear to lose.

If you care too much,
then you are doomed to failure.
Time for me to poop.
Haiku # 53846, May 20, 2016 9:54 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
The soul becomes dyed
with the color of its thoughts
M. Aurelius
Haiku # 53845, May 20, 2016 1:26 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Hating is lazy.
Relating requires more effort,
and real intellect.

So Darth, it's up to you;
you want this place to yourself?
keep on keeping on.



Haiku # 53844, May 20, 2016 12:46 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola of Seriousstan
i like to keep it
going, sometimes it is fun
look in the mirror
Haiku # 53842, May 19, 2016 12:06 pm ET
by vhs
i have also learned
to value other lives that may or
may not value theirs

don't try to throw me
back down the path of some who
think it's that easy
Haiku # 53841, May 19, 2016 11:42 am ET
by vhs
i value my life
even if you don't, so don't make
me learn to hate you

it's not in my faith
it's what i am trying to kill
inside me through CHRIST

it''s why i haven't
taken my own life, i believe that
hell is eternal
Haiku # 53840, May 19, 2016 11:41 am ET
by vhs
i am not sure if
i should stop posting i mean
you seem to want the

place to yourself, but
if i moved on my life goes on
and you post more...stuff

what is this stuff? is
this the same as the guy who
holds court on the side

of a street saying
"homeless please help me"
hmm deeper meaning??
Haiku # 53839, May 19, 2016 11:39 am ET
by vhs
I'm sure you share the
same lovely comments with those
in real life you love

but it is perhaps
why you are here, they have moved
on to kinder realms
Haiku # 53838, May 19, 2016 11:38 am ET
by vhs
Despite the fact that
sea cucumbers have no brains,
they're smarter than you.
Haiku # 53837, May 19, 2016 9:07 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
It's funny how that
stupid people cannot see
how useless they are.

Suicide is quick.
It is painless if done right.
Google it and see.
Haiku # 53836, May 19, 2016 1:21 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
google, now there's a
group that we have to say wants
to own us like we

we're it's software, drones
a Satanic company
how do you do folks...
Haiku # 53835, May 18, 2016 12:48 pm ET
by vhs
I don't believe you.
If you reeeeeally love me;
you give me password
Haiku # 53834, May 18, 2016 1:47 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola of Rocky Mountain High
i have also been
told love something while you can
but a used towel?

it does say of course
dont panic but i would say
some things must pass on
Haiku # 53830, May 16, 2016 12:52 pm ET
by vhs of i'll miss that towel
overbearing people
do not realize even till
death the relief their

passing gives to the
overburdened upon, the
anchor cast aside
Haiku # 53829, May 16, 2016 12:31 pm ET
by vhs
On their wedding night
did Leia wear her two-piece
to get Han turned on?

I'm touching myself.
But better myself than you.
I would do Jabba.

Jabba reminds me
of what Vogons should look like
before prosthetics.

Is there a worm hole
from HItchhiker's to Star Wars
universes then?

Apparently the
worms have found their long lost hole.
They will soon be here.
Haiku # 53828, May 16, 2016 2:43 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
who shot first, greedo
or han solo? and why do
we worry on these

issues
Haiku # 53827, May 15, 2016 1:04 pm ET
by vhs
A basket of squid.
Breaded, crispy, and deep-fried.
Mon Calamari.
Haiku # 53826, May 15, 2016 5:35 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Wasting energy.
What humans were made to do.
Why else are you here?
Haiku # 53825, May 15, 2016 5:32 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
So much energy.
Wasting it on foolish things.
It is what we do.
Haiku # 53824, May 15, 2016 4:30 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Drink cup of coffee
Shove hot pocket down your pants
You'll get same result
Haiku # 53823, May 14, 2016 11:39 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Are your testes sad?
You need new Testicle Perk!
As seen on TV.

Make your balls happy.
Order now and receive a
FREE scrotum warmer.
Haiku # 53822, May 13, 2016 8:25 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
changes are strangest
innovation shakes things up
retro, innovation?

in the future we
will listen to albums on
vinyl record disks
Haiku # 53820, May 12, 2016 12:53 pm ET
by vhs
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