my penis is large
my money is abundant
where are the chicks?

why does she IM?
she ripped my f**cking heart out
i mope always now

my cat''s neck and head
are flea-bitten and scabby
decapitation

when whisky is chugged
and pizza is inhaled, chunks
swirl counterclockwise

inverse investments
based on the belief that I
will be an icon

it has been my dream
and quite a wet one at that
since I was a girl

and now the fear strikes
cuz it''s time for me to, (shh)
the camera will lie

if I am

a man is giving
me money to make him rich
my dreams are rainchecks

Oh where oh where has
my Hollywood gone? Oh where
oh where can he be?

i could rule the world
if i was a lot bigger
and carried a nuke

Good God my darling
I think that I flipped my wig
such halcyon days

It has become clear
You would like to see me nude
I can understand

the frog runs screaming
just like a banshee in green
no one notices

the frog runs screaming
just like a banshee in green
no one notices

I built me a raft
I might pass this way again
In life.....you don''t know

my feet are sexy
arizona embers burn.
fried feet anyone?

I love The Big Dig
We approach a golden age
But they''ll all still whine

I hope those ass holes
are through harassing OJ
He''s suffered enough

take away this pain
reading reader''s digest sucks
where''s my bad Haiku??

Today my job ends
Good thing I sent resumes
I''ll love my new job

The neighbour''s sheepdog
has been shorn, and all its fur
is now a merkin

I wear pink boxers
I''m not secretly gay or
Anything like that

The heavy shroud
of time lies around my mind
Like a big parka

When fish swim softly
No-one hears their gentle splash
Except other fish

I am iron man
I''m not made from iron though
I like ironing

Making fresh popcorn
With a blowtorch and some oil
Where are my eyebrows?

Two haikus, how queer
I only clicked the thing once
Computers are pants

If I touched your brain
Would you giggle or cry out?
I''ve washed my forcep...

If I touched your brain
Would you giggle or cry out?
I''ve washed my forcep...

If men were machines
They''d have electronic parts
Instead of flesh ones

when the cold descends
where fog hangs in the valley
sit near the heater

At John and Chuck''s place
The Lobster''s are three pounds each
You''d think it''s Heaven!

If mercy exists
and may be nobly bestowed
build me walls, oh lord

Jesse and James fly
Team Rocket blasts off again
Meowth goes with them

I like Pokemon
Pikachu makes me happy
So does Team Rocket

once I heard so clear
the phatness of a kick ass
smooth bass line thumpin

spammed with an offer
webcast from a toilet bowl
why do they bother?

Congratulations,
Your new wife is a racist
Good Luck and God Bless.

Your wallet is in
your blue pants. "My blue
pants? I
got this many pants on?"

Should I buy CDs?
Or try Forbidden Planet?
I hate decisions.

A sound, a whisper
Two gossamer threads entwine
Then forever part

Why all the swearing?
It''s neither big nor clever
Only tedious

Fuck you! My head hurt!
Fuck you! My head hurt real bad!
Fuck you! How is that!?

Hey Pop''s that''s not 5!
Do you hear me? Look at it!
You''re out of bounds here!

My fucking head hurts.
I will never drink again.
Do you hear me! NEVER!!!

before solarfilm
stretched coloured tissue or silk
high on acetone

aerodynamic
check my lift coefficient
stroke my empennage

so I''m wondering
does the worm in tequila
hold special powers?

The guy at the desk
named Virgil came from out West
to teach us the ropes

Strung out from the road
I type the brittle letters
Can you read my thoughts?

Elvis left the house.
With the white knight and a phone.
What happened Friday?