If everybody
Wore armour instead of pants
We could kick at will

Was Joan of Arc''s arc
Really an arc or simply
Just a curvy thing?

Now to end the show
America shoots itself
We get off on it

Te setzu duh hru?
Eedsuni kungata ho-
`ertutu Nabla!

The day will soon come
when gnomes will rule us all
So just let it ride

Oh I am so deep
Oh I bring up lofty things
only when I drink

Asphyxiation
Find out what means to me
People Everywhere

Its so good of you
To dig my surrealism
Now what do you say?

has anyone else
ever kissed an elephant?
damn this haiku sucks

But seriosly,
folks, I just flew in from Mu
and boy is my head...

Tell me who I am
You see a God before you
Naked and ready

my pc reaches
across your stellar badness
and truely wants you

My love is so great
I cannot express the words
I writhe in it's thing

Bring on the feast!
And also the dancing girls!
I must have it all!

Hi ho everyone!
I have once again retuned
to stimulate you!

I lower my eyes
not for breasts, not from shyness
I seek toe cleavage

a question put forth:
how many tongues do you have?
must be a shitload

Oh, Kevin Spacey.
You''re the coolest man I''ve seen
Who looks like a spud.

Hey what do you call
A groupie in just their drawers?
A sycopant. Ha!

I''m a poor old hag.
Spare a pound for a cuppa
And some HRT.

''Porn! The Musical''
Starring Darren Day and 5ive.
Coming soon. Geddit?

I had no idea
That sponges were once alive
That weirds me out, man

Dogs are great, you know?
Who else would lick my fingers
Just to wake me up?

Once, I heard a song
That sounded like a cat''s screech
Britney Spears, it was

Look to the heavens!
Is that a horseman coming?
Or just a big cloud?

My blue touchpaper
Is covered in advocaat
So I can`t light it

Dreamt I got dog pierced
And I hung her out to dry
Using humane pegs

I sucked my Grandad''s
Werthers Original. Mmm.
Uncommonly good.

''Chips'', Isla St. Clair,
BJ and Bear; Sonny, Cher.
Ah, the Seventies.

Dog fell down a hole.
Again. No depth perception.
501s ruined.

You foolish young girls.
First picnic at Hanging Rock,
then Haunted House. Tsk.

Those boots of Lou Reed''s
Were they really *that* shiny?
Or was he on drugs?

had that dream again
floating higher in the air
rising up and up

cos i gotta fly
have u got reynold''s number
in case i need him

Melancholia
Sticks to the walls of my mind
Like some old Blu-Tack

There''s a big wet patch
In a ring around my crotch
Damn those waterproofs

Listen to rain
It sounds like drops of water
Falling from the sky

My Border Collie
Stinks awful bad when she''s wet
Please help me dry her

One of my gerbils
Squeals for his tiny biscuit
The earth laughs and cries

hey all you bad dudes
i want one in 3 holes
and I can take two by hand
I love to be cum upon.
I''m a cum drinkin bad bitch

Navel inspection
What's so metaphysical
about colored lint?

Need apostrophes?
Try ampersand pound three nine
then semicolon

Curse you, cold woman
Withholding your affections
I''m smoking again

Many regulars,
could I possibly compete?
Yeah, I''m pretty sure

This is really bad
Haiku and should contain one
more syllable

do not speak until
the day''s eyes flutter open
and tongue-crud is scraped

the inventor of
shoes must once have trod upon
fresh turds left by dogs

The glass ain''t half-full
Neither is it half-empty.
The milk is sour.

just cos i can type
i will send in this haiku
and a thousand more