you boasting buffoon
stop talking math or i''ll scream
boring is not smart

he bought me dinner
i drank too much jack daniels
he did not kiss me

I often wonder
About things that tickle bees
Like freshly mown grass

I poured cold Snapple
Into my PC, killing
The computer elf

For such a small word
It`s incredible how sex
Can be so much fun

Whole roasted peanuts
Wrapped in a crispy coating
Mmm technology

Four electric geese
Stand and honk in my garden
When they`re fully charged

My singing stingray
Stings and sings for everything
Just like an angel

On display for me
A girl so lovely and fair
I say does she bite?

You recognize me
By my torrid expression
And swoon from passion

All my silly popes
Are lining up to greet you
Please enjoy them all

Dr. Sam Beckett.
I wonder if he misses
his own genitals.

You see, there''s this thing
I keep it in a small box
More smallish, really

If everybody
Wore armour instead of pants
We could kick at will

Was Joan of Arc''s arc
Really an arc or simply
Just a curvy thing?

Now to end the show
America shoots itself
We get off on it

Te setzu duh hru?
Eedsuni kungata ho-
`ertutu Nabla!

The day will soon come
when gnomes will rule us all
So just let it ride

Oh I am so deep
Oh I bring up lofty things
only when I drink

Asphyxiation
Find out what means to me
People Everywhere

Its so good of you
To dig my surrealism
Now what do you say?

has anyone else
ever kissed an elephant?
damn this haiku sucks

But seriosly,
folks, I just flew in from Mu
and boy is my head...

Tell me who I am
You see a God before you
Naked and ready

my pc reaches
across your stellar badness
and truely wants you

My love is so great
I cannot express the words
I writhe in it's thing

Bring on the feast!
And also the dancing girls!
I must have it all!

Hi ho everyone!
I have once again retuned
to stimulate you!

I lower my eyes
not for breasts, not from shyness
I seek toe cleavage

a question put forth:
how many tongues do you have?
must be a shitload

Oh, Kevin Spacey.
You''re the coolest man I''ve seen
Who looks like a spud.

Hey what do you call
A groupie in just their drawers?
A sycopant. Ha!

I''m a poor old hag.
Spare a pound for a cuppa
And some HRT.

''Porn! The Musical''
Starring Darren Day and 5ive.
Coming soon. Geddit?

I had no idea
That sponges were once alive
That weirds me out, man

Dogs are great, you know?
Who else would lick my fingers
Just to wake me up?

Once, I heard a song
That sounded like a cat''s screech
Britney Spears, it was

Look to the heavens!
Is that a horseman coming?
Or just a big cloud?

My blue touchpaper
Is covered in advocaat
So I can`t light it

Dreamt I got dog pierced
And I hung her out to dry
Using humane pegs

I sucked my Grandad''s
Werthers Original. Mmm.
Uncommonly good.

''Chips'', Isla St. Clair,
BJ and Bear; Sonny, Cher.
Ah, the Seventies.

Dog fell down a hole.
Again. No depth perception.
501s ruined.

You foolish young girls.
First picnic at Hanging Rock,
then Haunted House. Tsk.

Those boots of Lou Reed''s
Were they really *that* shiny?
Or was he on drugs?

had that dream again
floating higher in the air
rising up and up

cos i gotta fly
have u got reynold''s number
in case i need him

Melancholia
Sticks to the walls of my mind
Like some old Blu-Tack

There''s a big wet patch
In a ring around my crotch
Damn those waterproofs