new faces bring joy
when all else is amiss and
dreams seem forgotten

Snip my buttons off,
With your shearing claw, my sweet
Lobster in my pants

before things get out
of hand, we gotta Nippress
it in the bud, Ange

Hug the baby seals,
Hug the porpoiseses,
Hug the walrusess
Hug Tennesee Tuxedo,
Hug Barney Fife

In the words of the great
philosopher Homer J. Simpson....
"DOHHHHHHH!!!"

hippie girls micro
buses or mom's taurus, luv
that mountain aire time

sometimes it is worse
to have your fear come true
you knew all along

i want to know what
it would feel like to
hold him just once more

I like big butts and I can't deny,
They rock my world
and make me high.

"Arf, arf, arf!" Lassie's response

"What's wrong girl? Did Timmy
fall down the well??"
FROM THE 'LASSIE' TV SHOW

When I die,
Bury me with,
My soul.

Let's go mine some cubic zirconia,
And have a party with
Barney the dinosaur

Poems for the blind are useless,
unless spoken with emotion

lovely new 'puter
with eyes of deep cobalt blue
you are marvellous

abreast of fashion
considering a tattoo
ta da drum roll please

some deep core drilling
right into the heart of me
promising samples

Its no good you going
on the wagon we

It's been eleven
hours since my last drink of beer:
Eleven AM

Maybe she still sucks her thumb
And we all know what that means

Do you have a mammary fixation?

wading in waste high
piles of nippless haikus
grandma has a cock

Want to make your mark
Contact civilization
Show them who

Not a lost city
Turns out it

Still don

They followed me home
Tribe is banging on my door
Demanding my vote

Shows what can happen
When you venture outside house
Think I

These people talk strange
Looking at the sky, bowing
Must be a lost tribe

Found a lost city
It was right in the middle
Lawn needs exploring

Wading in waist high
I walk through my long grass lawn
About time I cut it

Saw a mad man shout
This man doesn

Pissed on Kronenbourg
Hopes he can avoid exams
Coming to get you

an alien came
it shat on my rug and left
oh wait, that was me

minus the wrinkles
and her chronic leprosy
she's one hot mama

Robots and lobsters
If they would love each other,
That would be fucked up

Ralph Wiggum once said,
"My cat's breath smells like cat food"
Cats are not lobsters

Some lobsters can fly
High above the clouds they soar
Safe from traps and nets

Angry robots screech,
Lobsters kidnapped their princess
Lights blink in hatred

Lobster Messiah
If he had a shell and claws
What would Jesus do?

Sometimes I wonder
If all lobsters were robots,
Couuld they still be caught?

Robots fight and kill,
For the love of a princess
Gearbox royalty

My deep-sea lover
Antennae stroking softly,
Her touch is divine

superfly jesus
you better write them gospels
before i smack you

christ was a homo
he labeled peter "the rock"
you figure it out

obsessed with children
jesus was a pedophile
like wacko jacko

jesus told judas
to betray him before hand
there was no betrayal

a virgin, yeah right
joseph waxed that ass all night
fo shizzle, dizzle

But then on the third
I can drink excessively
Before my last test

Then they make a bet
that I shall drink nothing that
is alcoholic

Day 2: so called friends
label me alcoholic
and dirty old man