of dumps & craps
you shouldn't hate shit
even if it clogs the john
even if it stinks

Whispering secrets,
Miraculous happiness,
Swinging upside down

Falling ceiling fan
Homocidal death dervish
Dear God, find my ear!

as the finest ale
with a full foam head, and now. . .
and now i flush

WHY ARE ALL MEN WHOSE
NAMES BEGIN WITH THE LETTER
"J" SO VERY MEAN?

Hum little box
Walls are too white
Paste in my mouth

Coffee is my friend
Latte, cappuccino good
Homer: "Jaaaaavvvaaaaa.....hmmmmmmmmmm"

Jan, here's my request
To preview my new Haiku
'FORE it gets submit.
See why?

I would like to know
Who is this Dryden fellow
And why hassle Jan?

Happy squirrels scamper
Stealing my birdseed again.
Rodent dinner soon.

For Janis
There once was a girl named Janis
Who forgot her friends, the asses
Who is complete without little shits anyway
BOX!
Gary "the great" Holmes

Gary Rules
Is this where I leave a message?

Janis, you bring joy.
Haiku is meant to make us
all laugh till it hurts
But do you not think
you should delete some Haiku's
especially smut?
A haiku is meant
to be but seventeen beats
and to make us thinks
Course, I could be wro

If you're not going
to sack it, go home and whack
it. WRAP YOUR WHACKER!!!

Rendering sucks so
on a 486 tis true
Need more RAM and Cokes

Humpy has a problem,
His haiku Really SUCKS ASS!
,
He can't count to five.

Hoe-ass bitch better
Recognize, motherfucker, Or hoe-ass gon' die!

You bastard cat, get
Off the goddamn counter or
I'll freeze you solid!!

Amish bastards love
You, so the least you could do
Is leave them alone.

Death mail to chickens
Isn't as safe as it seems
Some have machine guns.

last night I was bored
So I gave my cat a bath.

Still fur on my tongue.

Volleyball in pool,
if ball bounces in, it's fair.
Jan's team always wins.

Little Billy Goat
Soft grey fur and sideways eyes
I shoot up your ass

At the urinal
I piss as hard as I can
Cant break cigarette
EAT MY ASS !
Eric Marcus

I have a big dog
His name is "Go fuck yourself"
My mom hates that name.

thought it was a fart
put my hand down my underwear
it was a wet mess

bird flys in the wind
i see it over my head
it shits on my cheek

Come here little sheep
Your fur is so soft and white
Do you have VD?

I kick the midget
I laugh at his tiny dick
I think I smell cheese

i want to lick you
And feel you get really hard
And become insane

i love to kiss you
i suck your passionate lips
harder and harder

Cold beverage in hand
Floating in warm gentle waves
I found paradise

The homeless woman
Has no pants and smells like poo
I spit on her face!!

I am so happy
I never knew of true love
Until I met you

i dreamt of your lips
i gaze into your dark eyes
i miss you a lot

the retarded boy
has no pants and smells like poo
I KILL HIM WITH STICK

stop looking at me
brown eye, I lick and suck it
uuum! she cums for me.

I once bit a possum
Forever he reminded me
Of burnt ball

My father sells fishballs
Oh pray tis the bullock
I farted aloof

My Scheherazade,
Janis keeps me with Haiku
I should be working.

Everything is fine
I guess everything is fine
Yep, it's all ok

badda bing badda
boom can

Forgive me for the
Dew drops that I caused to flow
From your heart last night

I guess I forgot:
the haikus on these pages
are bad by design.

BAD HAIKU
HORRIBLY BAD
YOU KNOW I LOVE IT

DEATH ON A HILLTOP
ALL COOL AND SERENE
DEATH IS A DREAM

TIME IS A DRIFTER
WITH CANE AND HAT
TIME ENDS--ABRUPT DEATH

KILL ALL THY FOES
VANQUISH THE DEAD
DEATH WILL COME SOON

Hey! To be haiku,
the poem must allude to
one of the seasons