spent and then withdrawn
drooping limp and oozing goo
whupped one-eyed soldier

limp and exhausted
lying spent dripping fluids
discarded teabag

I don't want to write
I do not know what to say
Please help me finish

Read News ev'ry day
searching obituaries
Hoping for her name

Staff Christmas parties
Expose the alcoholics
And make fools of us

Unsensible shoes
Hindered late night marathon
My feet really hurt

my gal is so great
after only one six-pack
she takes out her teeth

pardon me, she says
couldn't we do it just once
without the yogurt?

oh boy, this is fun!
when I take my finger out
it's wet and gooey!

my old bodyparts
no longer cooperate
some of them just drip

Onetwo threefourfive;
onetwothree fourfivesix.
One twothreefour.

Oh shit.

Wow! Great party your
Holiness. Loved your glass-topped
Coffee table trick.

They bore the pontiff
Up to the gallows, chanting:
"It's pope on a rope!!"

investigating
unscientifically
can't prove anything

Corn flakes corn flakes corn
Flakes corn flakes corn flakes
Corn flakes corn flakes corn

God to the Pope: "Put
something on under that robe,
or it's Hell for you"

Pope themes: a tattoo
I may get... Richard Nixon
butt-fucking the pope.

If asked to work the
holidays, reply, "Does the
pope shit in the woods?".

Network Nazis block
web-sites: "Production will drop!!"
So I call in sick

The cruel void is deaf,
said Existentio the Clown.
"Kids! Stop snivelling!"

A man walks into
A bar. He well understands
Zen paradoxes.

Two nuns in a bath.
One nun says to the other:
"Let's trash the punch line."

while making a point
the old man threw his new hat
into the river

remind your children
under all that pretty meat
scary skeletons

I went to the zoo
and saw them eat Wonder-Bread!
Poor, poor sad hippos.

I am just showing
My mom how forms work on this
Silly internet

acalculia
i ponder the mystery
as i tap my desk

cremated showman
past prestidigitator
vanishing in a puff

exploring the lost
continents of uranus
may well reveal shit

Ginkgo Biloba Give me brains of alien I work in I.T.

Phoenix, rainy day --
Happens once every four months --
Shut up, stop whining.

this is my haiku
my haiku sucks very much
oh well that's okay

Chronic whiners, you
may NOT cheer in the good times
I will not have it


ps touchdown, bledsoe

Open your present
No, please, you open your gift
Kazcinski Christmas

Fearlessly we pitch
Ourselves naked into the
Squid-filled pond liner

receptionist smirks
at my magazine; she knows
I'll be crapping soon

Homecomeing Hero!
Triumphant, brave, strong and true
Fuck Flutie Magic

Reading on the train
"This Side of Paradise"--shake
my head, mutter: "broads"

reincarnation
come back as a leotard
extra-large, uh-oh

first Dennis Rodman
then I get sloppy seconds
your mom's a party

good morning sunshine
good morning grey underwear
good morning bong hit

Cryogenic sleep
Defrost me when this fucking
Swing fad is over

Give me a break!
Blues, brother
Knight of despair

My hair is falling
Out in clumps like willow leaves.
Lousy isotopes!

My hair is falling
Out in clumps like willow leaves.
Lousy isotopes!

Dear Hollywood, if
Your monkey won't perform, is
It fair to spank it?

Ambulance chasing
Nina Simone, I saw her
Live. She was, barely.

So many shoppers,
So few rounds, so little time.
I'm so unlucky.

Unwary targets
Below: Rounds left at home. That's
Just so typical.

Thank you to Janis
For this bad haiku website
I really dig it