Flaming cat monger
eats own intestine bile juice
vomits green fire chunks

Stick my finger in
Swirl it around really fucking good
Christ my navel stinks

Stick my finger in
Swirl it around realy fucking good
Christ my navel stinks

life is good
looking through a Heineken
everything seems pretty green

White frost on my car
"Shhhk!" I scrape it off with care
Tastes like dirt Slurpee

Christmas is coming.
The goose is getting fat. You
and that goose both, pal.

Bad karma... I must
have raped a bus full of nuns
in a former life.

necro, afro the
ebonicon, bloddy
maggots, tampon juice

dammned wankers
street, bus, subway everywhere
hope it falls off

That evil laughing
Painted face and razor fangs
"Die, clown, die!" I laugh

I saw a kid get
run over by a cop car
"Yeah, Fuck Him!" I yell

Christmas Party--Boss
declares at midnight:"Pants-free-
Friday tomorrow!!"

panty worshippers
should organize and raise the funds
to build some churches

bludgeon the reindeer
drink egg nog from Santa's skull
pistol whip the elves

go on, beep at me
I'll just trace your licence plate
and poison your dog

revel in the world
like a 4 year old loves snot
uninhibited

When you were away
I was happy and at peace
Why did you return?

Photographs revealed:
Was she just happy or was
It just a cold night?

Small, squiggly, green, wet.
It's a really funny word;Eel babies: ELVERS!

So this is true love.
My soul-mate: brilliant, likes me...
Cold truth: she's engaged.

This early morning
The moon in the sky looks like
A big clipped toenail.

Unassuming girl
Revealed a secret after
Drinking truth serum

Never kiss and tell
Tales of sex and drunkiness
Feed the rumour mill

just banging away
thinking about last night's game
ooops, guess she went home.

that warm gooshy gash
hides a mouth without teeth
my tongue tells me so

spent and then withdrawn
drooping limp and oozing goo
whupped one-eyed soldier

limp and exhausted
lying spent dripping fluids
discarded teabag

I don't want to write
I do not know what to say
Please help me finish

Read News ev'ry day
searching obituaries
Hoping for her name

Staff Christmas parties
Expose the alcoholics
And make fools of us

Unsensible shoes
Hindered late night marathon
My feet really hurt

my gal is so great
after only one six-pack
she takes out her teeth

pardon me, she says
couldn't we do it just once
without the yogurt?

oh boy, this is fun!
when I take my finger out
it's wet and gooey!

my old bodyparts
no longer cooperate
some of them just drip

Onetwo threefourfive;
onetwothree fourfivesix.
One twothreefour.

Oh shit.

Wow! Great party your
Holiness. Loved your glass-topped
Coffee table trick.

They bore the pontiff
Up to the gallows, chanting:
"It's pope on a rope!!"

investigating
unscientifically
can't prove anything

Corn flakes corn flakes corn
Flakes corn flakes corn flakes
Corn flakes corn flakes corn

God to the Pope: "Put
something on under that robe,
or it's Hell for you"

Pope themes: a tattoo
I may get... Richard Nixon
butt-fucking the pope.

If asked to work the
holidays, reply, "Does the
pope shit in the woods?".

Network Nazis block
web-sites: "Production will drop!!"
So I call in sick

The cruel void is deaf,
said Existentio the Clown.
"Kids! Stop snivelling!"

A man walks into
A bar. He well understands
Zen paradoxes.

Two nuns in a bath.
One nun says to the other:
"Let's trash the punch line."

while making a point
the old man threw his new hat
into the river

remind your children
under all that pretty meat
scary skeletons

I went to the zoo
and saw them eat Wonder-Bread!
Poor, poor sad hippos.