Ready for 2K
chaos?
Change your name by deedpoll to "Toe-Cutter."

I worry about
That microchip in my cat
When Y2K comes

Consider storing
Many gallons of Vodka
For the coming year

throwing knives at birds
is something I'm not proud of
but I am the best

a cheap cardboard head
stuffed with hamburger and dirt
with a note inside

first thoughts of the year:
who the fuck killed that bottle?
oh yeah, heh heh, me

gave the hog a sow
for xmas-jumped her bones promptly
male chauvinist pig?

i tossa my bait
the fishee not like 2 much
no fishee for me

the seahawks season
slaps at my olfactory
like sour milk but worse

I'm going to party
like it's 1999.

Prince is annoying.

cheese-scented jumpsuit!
a car made of rancid meat!
underwear for dogs!

when I was a boy
walking to school in spring
I'd drink or take drugs

the new year will bloom
while I sleep, my face against

the toilet's cool base

o celebration
earth is in that spot again
where hangovers spawn

Cheerios are sweet
as they crunch in my mouth. Crunch!
I'll have more tomorrow.

Where to eat tonight....
"I don't know,what do you want?"
"No, what do you want?"

Snoots eats cheese wedges
Because he's a little rat!
He's so cute! Yippee!

Large, malignant warts
Cover my grotesque body
I like to eat them.

killing mosquitoes
is that misogynistic?
only the girls bite

addle my neurones
o delicious dacquiri
but no bed spins please

Is this a joke Frank?
A kangaroo chia pet?
This present sucks ass

unavoidable
the hirsute of pappy-ness
ear and nostril hairs

the postal worker
brings cheese and fancy mayo
with some dead crackers

so glad its over
says the four leaf clover

A. and A. of Hai
Ku fame, Is you is or is
you ain't my babies?

Quantum mechanics
Whattsa matter? Can't grasp math?
Abacus, fuckface.

Donkey wriggles. What?
Oh, halibut's thrombosis
Dead river jackass

Soon, soon my birthday
Unite. Unite Capricorns!
With me and JESUS!!

One eye brow raised, the
snotty waiter condescends:
"Are these your pants, sir?"

You're entertaining,
unabashed, lewd, crude (tattooed?)
Merry X-mas all

Boy! Did I ever
trash that last haiku
But I'msadder Budweiser

You're entertaining,
lewd, crude, rude,(tattooed?)
Merry X-mas all

come here, little gal
wriggle into Santa's lap
there's a gift for you

come here, little gal
sit in Santa's cozy lap
I've a gift for you.

wonder if xmas
is that mas i used to know
before it left me?

Kiwi Soup Goddess
Barrel of potatoe grass
figure it out yourself

Drinking Brill Cream
Has To be very contagious
Teddy Ruxpin has chicken legs

a merry christmas
and a happy new year too
my fellow poets

go through ear, stab brain
three-tined fork, keep gauze handy
jagged lights, seizure

Happy holidays
To those whose bad haikus made
Me bleed from the ears.

Hmmm. As I scroll down
I notice that they follow.
Maybe the trailing?

Kadiz, didn't you
mean the previous haikus
Not the following?

An anagram for
Monica Lewinsky is
"A lick wins money"

Work before Christmas?
Cocks. Great big swollen purple
Horses' cocks on sticks.

the following two
by ashley and Rev'rend Jim
are really quite good

from herein i guess
things go down in history
like a lewinski

Why so evasive
Mr President? Maybe
You should have come clean.

They ask: "What evil
Lurks in the hearts of men?" This
Your drycleaner knows.

Lie, even perjure
Himself over Monica?
Nice euphemism.

even tinier
threw a saddle on a louse
rode him through your pubes