Lemon fresh goodness
when she walks by, shyly smiles
her new shoes on fire.

I nory awah:
Excuse me, Uncle Mike, but
my bottom just burped.

I write the Haiku
But there is no soup for you
Shut yer yap you fool

make up your own mind
Heisenberg's uncertainty
can't be principled

that hot bitumen
underfoot, tar very much
damns my burning soles

life is a banquet
most poor suckers are starving
damn stinking halo

i know a man who has cauliflower warts
that bulge and protrude when he wears tight shorts
don't worry kyoko

I've had too many beers
She looked good last night
But not this morn

My girlfriend's cold feet
Up against my back in bed
She thinks it's funny

Mating rituals,
dreamlike rollercoasters eat
Muddy globule leaves

My pitbull is big
Stupid dog scared of people
Zero is a bitch

One, five syllables
Two, seven is next to come
Last, like first, its done

Where is the toilet?
I'm going right on the floor
Here comes the poo-poo

Hey there Hollywood
You always inspire with
Your perfect haiku

I miss all my friends
Burried there in Toronto
But here it is warm

Riding bikes in the pool
Is a lot of fun but
It's against the law

haiku from Janis!
the hostess with the mostess
for her I'd eat trash

Ready for 2K
chaos?
Change your name by deedpoll to "Toe-Cutter."

I worry about
That microchip in my cat
When Y2K comes

Consider storing
Many gallons of Vodka
For the coming year

throwing knives at birds
is something I'm not proud of
but I am the best

a cheap cardboard head
stuffed with hamburger and dirt
with a note inside

first thoughts of the year:
who the fuck killed that bottle?
oh yeah, heh heh, me

gave the hog a sow
for xmas-jumped her bones promptly
male chauvinist pig?

i tossa my bait
the fishee not like 2 much
no fishee for me

the seahawks season
slaps at my olfactory
like sour milk but worse

I'm going to party
like it's 1999.

Prince is annoying.

cheese-scented jumpsuit!
a car made of rancid meat!
underwear for dogs!

when I was a boy
walking to school in spring
I'd drink or take drugs

the new year will bloom
while I sleep, my face against

the toilet's cool base

o celebration
earth is in that spot again
where hangovers spawn

Cheerios are sweet
as they crunch in my mouth. Crunch!
I'll have more tomorrow.

Where to eat tonight....
"I don't know,what do you want?"
"No, what do you want?"

Snoots eats cheese wedges
Because he's a little rat!
He's so cute! Yippee!

Large, malignant warts
Cover my grotesque body
I like to eat them.

killing mosquitoes
is that misogynistic?
only the girls bite

addle my neurones
o delicious dacquiri
but no bed spins please

Is this a joke Frank?
A kangaroo chia pet?
This present sucks ass

unavoidable
the hirsute of pappy-ness
ear and nostril hairs

the postal worker
brings cheese and fancy mayo
with some dead crackers

so glad its over
says the four leaf clover

A. and A. of Hai
Ku fame, Is you is or is
you ain't my babies?

Quantum mechanics
Whattsa matter? Can't grasp math?
Abacus, fuckface.

Donkey wriggles. What?
Oh, halibut's thrombosis
Dead river jackass

Soon, soon my birthday
Unite. Unite Capricorns!
With me and JESUS!!

One eye brow raised, the
snotty waiter condescends:
"Are these your pants, sir?"

You're entertaining,
unabashed, lewd, crude (tattooed?)
Merry X-mas all

Boy! Did I ever
trash that last haiku
But I'msadder Budweiser

You're entertaining,
lewd, crude, rude,(tattooed?)
Merry X-mas all

come here, little gal
wriggle into Santa's lap
there's a gift for you